Mom

[mpinegar]

My beautiful Mother passed away on January 11 this year of lung cancer. I took her to the hospital the day before Christmas and we were released on New Years to go home and die. It all happend so quickly and I was so absorbed in her care and comfort, that I was numb for a long time. Later I had a few crying jags. I thought it was all getting better and that I didn't really care about holidays. Then came Easter weekend. My brother passed away in 2003, so I was truly alone. No one from my birth family was left. I am not married, so I had no one to celebrate the Easter weekend with. I didn't think it would bother me, but I was depressed all weekend until a wonderful friend went with me to the Arboretum and we walked and soaked up the beautiful weather and sat and watched birds, then grabbed a bite to eat at a sandwich shop.

Today, Monday after Easter, I thought it would be OK now, but suddenly the sentence came into my head "If I died tonight, there would be no one to mourn me." That sounds very silly and selfish, I know, but it had never entered my head before. I was only concerned with my mother would die quickly once diagnosed, and easily without fear or suffering and I pretty well managed that. All I've thought of since she died were the things she was missing, when all of a sudden this feeling of being entirely alone has enveloped me.

I just wondered if anyone else has lost all of their family and feels so alone. How the Hell do you get past this?

[ModKonnie]

Michellel,

I am so sorry about your losses. Many people who do not have any immediate family adopt a family (in a manner of speaking). They find their "new family" in nursing homes, volunteer groups, big brothers and sisters, foster care and other places where many people find themselves suddenly alone.

Also, you may want to consider joining a grief and loss group. They will become a good support system for you. I know it is hard, but we will also be here to support you. Do you have close friends? Other family, such as uncles, aunts or grandparents?

ModKonnie

[Daffodilfun]

I have family but most of them are very distant (not in miles, but emotionally). I went to Easter at one of my brothers and I was basically told that I should be over it by now. It has only been 7 weeks. I too think about the "If I died tonight, there would be no one to mourn me." My family would mourn but only for a few days. After all....we are suppose to get over this in a very short amount of time. I feel alone, very alone so I understand.

I am going to my second grief group this afternoon and I hope it helps as much as the first one.

[debbie8800]

Michelle I lost my mom 5 months ago and have been alone ever since. I know what your talking about. I was a mess for 6 weeks after she died, now im ok, i laugh but easter was hard and i miss her so much we were very close.

Friends can be there one minute and not the next. My mom was a constant.

I have to get back to work now.

Praying for you i feel the same way.

[tate1]

Michelle,

I am sorry for your pain. I know exactly how you feel. I miss my mom every day. She has been gone almost 10 months, and I still have a very hard time. It does get better from time to time, but then there are days that she is all I can think about. I have 2 children, a husband, and my sister, but aside them, my mom's 6 sisters and 1 brother have nothing to do with us. I feel like my sister and I are all alone, so I understand what you are going through. The hardest times for me are when I have been sick or scared, my mom was the first one that I would call...I can no longer do that and it hurts so bad. We are all here for you if you ever feel like talking.

Daff-

I completely understand what you are going through. Three weeks after my mom passed away, I was told that I needed to move on and that I should be over it. Well, everyone takes their own time to grieve, and no one can tell you when you should be done. Greive your mom in your own way, this is something that you do not want to rush.

Both of you are in my thoughts and prayers. Have a blessed day!

My beautiful Mother passed away on January 11 this year of lung cancer. I took her to the hospital the day before Christmas and we were released on New Years to go home and die. It all happend so quickly and I was so absorbed in her care and comfort, that I was numb for a long time. Later I had a few crying jags. I thought it was all getting better and that I didn't really care about holidays. Then came Easter weekend. My brother passed away in 2003, so I was truly alone. No one from my birth family was left. I am not married, so I had no one to celebrate the Easter weekend with. I didn't think it would bother me, but I was depressed all weekend until a wonderful friend went with me to the Arboretum and we walked and soaked up the beautiful weather and sat and watched birds, then grabbed a bite to eat at a sandwich shop.

Today, Monday after Easter, I thought it would be OK now, but suddenly the sentence came into my head "If I died tonight, there would be no one to mourn me." That sounds very silly and selfish, I know, but it had never entered my head before. I was only concerned with my mother would die quickly once diagnosed, and easily without fear or suffering and I pretty well managed that. All I've thought of since she died were the things she was missing, when all of a sudden this feeling of being entirely alone has enveloped me.

I just wondered if anyone else has lost all of their family and feels so alone. How the Hell do you get past this?

[Bridelyn]

The holidays are hard. This is my first without my mom too. Well Christmas as well but that was such a blur and we didn't celebrate it. My mom died the week before. My mom always worried that the family would go our separate ways after she died. At first I thought we were all getting closer, but now I think that isn't the case and mom was right to worry. My son still lives at home so I am not alone, but without him I think I would be feeling the same way as you. I have also wondered who would mourn me if I died. I think times like this makes you think more about your own death. The last week, every time I thought about my mom the tears would come. It is just so different without her. I really need to talk to her about a situation in the family because she would know how to deal with it, but she isn't here. It just sucks. You know, a person could be in a room full of people and still feel alone. Even with my kids I still feel alone. Even with family near. I don't know how a person is suppose to deal with it. Sometimes when I think about it I just feel so lost.

Just know you aren't alone in your thoughts. It is probably normal to think about this things and have these feelings. It's been almost 4 months for me and some days are good some are not so good. I think we will always have the not so good days, but they will lessen as time goes on.

[Kate]

Michelle,

Same boat. This time last year my mom was healthy and in May she was hiking five miles. Then her hip went and FAST. It turned out to be stage four metastatic lung cancer. By September, after hip replacement surgery, it had spread to her liver, spine, and her brain. However, we weren't given a timeline and after two rounds of chemo that wiped her out and ultimately landed her in the hospital, she had to go live with my sister in Boston (eight hours away). I was spread so thin. I was in school full time, running my own business, and taking care of her. I lost touch with my "friends", I didn't have time to go out and I neglected myself for months. It was too much. Had I known she had such a short time left, I would have left school to spend more time with her.

We moved her to Boston, optimistic and she was doing a little better. A week later she started to decline suddenly and before she could undergo specialized treatment, she was put in hospice. I missed my last Christmas with her and got there 12/26. It was the last day she was coherent. She was in a LOT of pain and to keep her comfortable, they medicated her and she just wasn't awake. She passed away on Jan 1, 2012.

I had the "luxury" of being insanely sick on Easter and slept most of the weekend (I don't have close family closer than 8 hours away so I spent Easter alone too). However, my 26th birthday is in five days and I can't wrap my head around that this is my first birthday without her and that I lost her SO fast....like she slipped through my fingers like sand. She was healthy and fine this time last year. I didn't just lose my mom. She was my absolute best friend.

No one can replace her and I don't have much of a support system here. However, I took the money she left me, moved out on my own, and am staying busy and trying to pursue my dreams and "conquer the world" which is what she wanted for me. I was put on a lot of anxiety medicine and I've needed it less but there are still 2-3 nights a week where I just have to have a good cry.

Its been there and a half months. One of my good friends lost both her parents in a car accident when she was 16 on Christmas Day. I try as hard as I can to be grateful for the 25 years I had with her and the relationship we had. But my friend told me...you never get over it. But it gets easier over time.

Everyone is different with their grieving process. I VERY slowly feel myself coming back to life. I've heard it takes around year or more to finally get to a better place but its different for everyone. You'll never just be able to get the hell over it. But focusing on the time I DID have with her for 25 years.....I'm so grateful. She was a great mom and such an extraordinary person. I'm sorry for your loss, but I'd suggest trying to connect with a local bereavement group if you're ready.... I guess its just the natural thing for parents to go before their kids...but she was 58 and I'm 25 and I would have given anything to trade places with her to save her. I wouldn't say I'm anywhere NEAR being over it, but I'm working on some goals, staying busy, and traveling some.

I feel in some ways like I should be over it at three months and I feel bad calling on my boyfriend and best friend who were close to her. But they just remind me....its ONLY been three months and thats nothing. It just takes time, a LOT of tears, and doing what you can to try to think about the good memories.

I'm sorry for your loss and hang in there-- from what I've heard, time will make things feel better and thats what I'm betting on because I don't have any other choice.

Kate