Members BrendaDup59 Posted April 9, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 I lost my handsome 32 year old son Saturday March 17 2012, to a Motorcycle accident at 2.30pm my life changed as I know it, it will never be the same.when I found out he had bought a motorcycle I got so upset I knew just looking at it that that was what was going to kill my son! I ask him if he was licensed ? wore a helmet? and he said yes to both questions, then after the accident I found out that he did neither, his the tire hit some gravel and no helmet he came around a curve and hit a car head on and died at the scene, I have since found out even if he had worn a helmet he would have died, when he hit the car it was with his upper body and my sister having been a paramedic was told what happen when he died she is pretty sure he tore the artery to his heart and bled out. His best friend was there when it happen and I am grateful for that, he didn't die alone. I will never forget my husband walking up to me with this look in his eyes and I knew, I just lost it I wanted to die too ,I wanted God to take me right then and there I have never felt so much physical pain in my life. he has 2 brothers 28 and 9. MY son was a loving husband and wonderful father to 6 children ages 15 to 17 months.My heart just breaks for them. everyone keeps telling me it will get better, it will get easier, well right now I don't think it will ever get better, or easier, all I know is a part of me died on March 17, and I just don't know how to go on without him in my life. I know I have to for my 9 year old and my 28 year old who is also married and has 5 children.I just feel so empty and lost. I cant look at his picture without feeling like someone punched me in the stomach, I tried watching the videos he sent me one of his youngest daughters birthday and almost thought I was going over the short ledge I feel I am already on. I miss him more then I ever thought was possible.I am going tomorrow to put flowers on his grave April 3, he would have been 33. Never in my life did I ever think I would be going through this.. I know at that minute when he was riding he was having the best time of his life. and I was told that 4 people appeared at the accident and were praying for him . I am praying and asking God to give me the strength to just get through one minute at a time I wish I could just have 1 more time with him just to hug and kiss his sweet face. I will forever miss my beautiful son but I have 5 grandchildren that he loved so dearly and I found out my daughter in law donated his organs so I pray somewhere out there he is helping someone have a life. God Bless each and every one of you that are walking the same path I am , It's just one day at a time. Brenda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hotrod Posted April 9, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 Dear BrendaI am so very sorry for your sadness and the painful loss of your precious son, Brian. He is indeed a handsome young man. When you are ready, it would be helpful if you go to the Gallery section and set up an album of your favorite pictures. I did that and when I visit here I also check out the Gallery to view all our angels. Most posters who connect with each other and respond to each others messges post to the :Loss of an Adult Child Board. Many go straight to that Board and will not get to see your messages. I am very glad that you found us as you have connected with an extremely compassionate, supportive, loving community that saved my life and sanity.I lost my only child, Stephen 5 years ago and I was a regular here for over 3 years.I found it invaluable to connect here with others who understand as few others can. I urge you to go to the Loss of adult child thread. You will find messages from other parents who are suffering. The upper right hand corner of that Board has a "Reply" button Click on Reply and post your heart out I guarantee you will he acknowledgedI am truly sorry for you grief Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BrendaDup59 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 Thank you for letting me know , I tried to re post it and I still don't know if I did it right? I'm sorry just having a hard time with all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted April 9, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 Thank you for letting me know , I tried to re post it and I still don't know if I did it right? I'm sorry just having a hard time with all of this. hi brenda,i am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved son . i lost my son forest (28) in a car accident on the 3rd of july. i also lost my fiance when i was young to a motorcycle accident. i made my children swear to never ride one as most moms probably do but it didn't matter. my son died anyway, in a car. it will get where you won't feel like you are drowning someday. it is different for everyone but even as that overwhelming grief subsides other kinds seem to take their place. many people on the adult child forum are further down the path than you and i. they have encouraging words to give us hope. the way to get there is click on the loss of a child forum then go down to the topic loss of an adult child, click on that and you'll be there. i hope you will join us. i was 7 months in before i found this forum. it has been very helpful. i hope you will find some comfort and community there as you make your way through this unbelievable thing that has happened to you as a mother, your family and your heart. some days i do ok and some days i don't. love to you and yours as you struggle through these early days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BrendaDup59 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 well that's what I thought I did, but I guess I did it wrong again, should I re post and try again with my story? the weird part is I am familiar with this type of forum , but I still did it wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hotrod Posted April 10, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 We all seem to do it wrong in the beginning There are no guidelines When you go to the Loss of adult child section CLICK the Add REPLY Button and post.I believe you are clicking the NEW Topic section and that causes the topic to post elsewhere. Do not clidk on that button!!1So just hit ADD Reply in the upper right hand corner and copy and paste your post and you will connect wiht an wonderful group of loving parents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dhathc00 Posted April 10, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 BrendaUP; very sorry for your loss,, I wish I could do or say something that would help. I lost my son about five months ago, I will never be the same, I don't know that there will ever be a pure moment that I will enjoy and not reflect on him being gone. I lost my mother about 20 years ago,, I didn't think at the time that I would live, But today I think of my times I had with my mom and I can smile. Today for a moment I was able to think of a time with my son and I didn't cry. I will always miss my mom, I will always wish my son had not gone. I wish we never had to be here. Someday I believe I will think of times with my son and smile. For now, know that the pain is so very raw, so fierce, and so scarry, I don't know what tommorrow will be like, I am going to talk to the high school kids here in our little town about how "drunk makes you stupid", I know that some here post that for them this is their "new journey' at times it is hell, sometimes its not. Someday I hope its not so bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dhathc00 Posted April 10, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 BrendaUP; very sorry for your loss,, I wish I could do or say something that would help. I lost my son about five months ago, I will never be the same, I don't know that there will ever be a pure moment that I will enjoy and not reflect on him being gone. I lost my mother about 20 years ago,, I didn't think at the time that I would live, But today I think of my times I had with my mom and I can smile. Today for a moment I was able to think of a time with my son and I didn't cry. I will always miss my mom, I will always wish my son had not gone. I wish we never had to be here. Someday I believe I will think of times with my son and smile. For now, know that the pain is so very raw, so fierce, and so scarry, I don't know what tommorrow will be like, I am going to talk to the high school kids here in our little town about how "drunk makes you stupid", I know that some here post that for them this is their "new journey' at times it is hell, sometimes its not. Someday I hope its not so bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BrendaDup59 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 BrendaUP; very sorry for your loss,, I wish I could do or say something that would help. I lost my son about five months ago, I will never be the same, I don't know that there will ever be a pure moment that I will enjoy and not reflect on him being gone. I lost my mother about 20 years ago,, I didn't think at the time that I would live, But today I think of my times I had with my mom and I can smile. Today for a moment I was able to think of a time with my son and I didn't cry. I will always miss my mom, I will always wish my son had not gone. I wish we never had to be here. Someday I believe I will think of times with my son and smile. For now, know that the pain is so very raw, so fierce, and so scarry, I don't know what tommorrow will be like, I am going to talk to the high school kids here in our little town about how "drunk makes you stupid", I know that some here post that for them this is their "new journey' at times it is hell, sometimes its not. Someday I hope its not so bad.I am so sorry for the loss of your son ,I lost my wonderful father in 1990 and that was so hard, then we lost my mother in law on November 2 to a massive stroke, but never in my life did I think I would go through this the loss of my 32 year old son. it's only been 3 weeks and I am just so heart broken. I have tried reading everything I can on Grief and I found this sight , I hope it helps because right now I cant find comfort in anything and your right we will never be the same . take Care Brenda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Maddy6 Posted April 10, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Daniel's Dad and Brenda,I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious children. We lost my then 22 year old daughter 4 years ago last August. Yes, you describe how it feels exactly. In the beginning it is hard to believe there could ever possibly be any joy in life again. You are in a state of shock. I, like you, Daniel's Dad, knew not what to do and kept my mind buys reading grief books. The pain was so great. I had 5 other children and 4 still at home and I did not even know how I could go forward again. I did the only thing I knew to do. I kept going forward, kept trying to do what was the right things to do. Yet I was dead on the inside. It has been a long road, and I only found this site last January, but it has helped me tremendously. I am feeling and even enjoying life again. When I first smiled, when I first felt happiness again, I felt guilty. I thought I was forgetting my daughter. Many of us experience that. It is a daily uphill walk, but you will succeed. However, for now, be kind to yourself. Whatever you choose to do to grieve is OK. Come here often and talk to us. We will listen and we care. We have all been where you are. We all remember the mind numbing raw pain. The world does not get it. Often they may think after 3 months you need to move on. Yet that is impossible. We get it, we care, and we are willing to be here for you and listen. You may cry, rant, talk, whatever you like. We are listening and we care.Love,Maddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BrendaDup59 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Daniel's Dad and Brenda,I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious children. We lost my then 22 year old daughter 4 years ago last August. Yes, you describe how it feels exactly. In the beginning it is hard to believe there could ever possibly be any joy in life again. You are in a state of shock. I, like you, Daniel's Dad, knew not what to do and kept my mind buys reading grief books. The pain was so great. I had 5 other children and 4 still at home and I did not even know how I could go forward again. I did the only thing I knew to do. I kept going forward, kept trying to do what was the right things to do. Yet I was dead on the inside. It has been a long road, and I only found this site last January, but it has helped me tremendously. I am feeling and even enjoying life again. When I first smiled, when I first felt happiness again, I felt guilty. I thought I was forgetting my daughter. Many of us experience that. It is a daily uphill walk, but you will succeed. However, for now, be kind to yourself. Whatever you choose to do to grieve is OK. Come here often and talk to us. We will listen and we care. We have all been where you are. We all remember the mind numbing raw pain. The world does not get it. Often they may think after 3 months you need to move on. Yet that is impossible. We get it, we care, and we are willing to be here for you and listen. You may cry, rant, talk, whatever you like. We are listening and we care.Love,MaddyThank you , your words are very comforting, I just wrote a huge massage on the loss of an adult child forum , I hope it makes since. Thanks again Brenda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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