How Long Does Grief Last?

[KayC]

Someone just asked this...this morning I received this from What's Your Grief.

How Long Does Grief Last? An age old question.

“How long does grief last?” is a logical, valid, and common question. Grief, especially early on, causes distress in many forms — mental anguish, emotional pain, physical depletion (etc., etc.). And all of these terrible things seem to happen at once, so it’s only natural to want to know when the pain will end.

For a little while, you may even believe that you can fully return to “before.” You’re used to waking up from nightmares to find you’re the same old you, and all the fear and loss was a false alarm. In reality, you intellectually know everything has changed, but your brain is still playing catch up. And each time you remember that “before” is forever gone, you may experience another little mini-loss. It’s not nearly as bad as when you first experienced the real thing, but it does feel like unthinkable despair.

So how long does grief last, then?

Deep down, you may suspect you already know the answer to the question, “How long does grief last,” but you hope Google will prove you wrong. Though some people say things you want to hear — for example, that grief is predictable, time-limited, and something you can “get over” or “move on” from — most people who have experienced significant loss will tell you grief is unpredictable and not something that comes to a neat and tidy end.

If you find this notion scary, intimidating, or maddening, it may be helpful to know that grief usually starts off near its worst and de-escalates. I’m not saying things won’t feel complicated, stressful, sad, and like many other loathsome adjectives for quite some time. And of course, there will always be ups and downs, and some downs, even years later, may feel very down. But bit by bit, as you learn to cope with your losses, forge new connections, and find some semblance of balance, the intensity and unmanageability of the early days will lessen overall.

 

[DWS]

It's such a complicated question with no clear answer that will be satisfying to the one asking. I wonder if it's just a rhetorical question more than anything...an utterance to express and release how much one is hurting. And a lot of it will come down to how we eventually understand and define grief. Is grief those initial weeks and months of gut-wrenching pain and confusion that, in most instances, begins to subside or is grief much broader in terms of continual melancholy, longing and lostness?  I think that once us grievers really feel the impact of our loss and slowly understand that we hurt because we are now without the one we love, we stop asking how long will this grief last. 

[Roxeanne]

We all know that is impossible fill that void...!! The years goes on pain lessened, you can think at the days with him feeling grateful to have him in your life but that terrible void is always with you...

Nothing and nobody is able to fill that void...and i'm still wandering feeling unanchored and sometimes sad and unhappy...🙃

[KayC]

It lasts as long as we're alive but it changes form...we could not handle it if it didn't, our bodies have an amazing way of adapting/coping, even when we think they will not.