Hardly Dealing With Anything

[mrsduc]

Has anyone gotten to a point in their loss of their kid that it just makes you more then numb inside. I still think of Robert but not like it was a couple of days ago. It kind of weird in a way. I refuse to look in my living room at the curio cabinet where Robert sits in his urn. I do not know why. But I cannot allow myself to think about it anymore. Kind of like I am avoiding it. I do not want to be where I have been in since his death. So now it is almost like I am trying to pretend it didn't happen. But still I know it is true. I just am trying to not think about him as though he was died but I think about him as here on this earth and that he is kind of busy right now and does not have time to call me. I cannot look at the curio because I just refuse to look to see that he is really dead. I just for alittle while want to refuse to believe and pretend that it is not true. Is this normal. Has other people felt this way at all? I just do not know what is normal and what is not in what I am doing. I am trying to think I am ok because I am still here but now I worry because I do not get out of bed and I sleep most of the time and do not want to do anything even think about anything. I am wondering if its my body trying to regenerate itself or maybe I am in trouble and going off the wrong path. I just do not know. But i still am able to listen to others problems but I am not much in helping anyone anymore because I just come right out and tell them that if they are not happy that they need to change whatever it is that does not make them happy and if they are not able to change it then learn to except it. I tell them life is too short and we need to listen that within a second we could loose someone that we love so much and if we are not right with that person then they might feel really worse than if they remember to tell the people that they care about and love to let them know how you feel so that they do not have to worry that the person does not know how you feel

[vivkib]

Honey, there are many emotions we go through in trying to deal with our loss. What you are going through is very normal. I think at times the hurt and pain gets so overwhelming our mind does whatever it can to give us a break. Sounds kind of strange but there are times I can't look at Kevin's pictures when I walk by them. I have his picture as the background on my computer and there have been times I have to try to get to wherever I'm going on the computer fast so I don't have to see it for very long. Part of my feelings are still some anger at him for the way he left. I know he didn't mean to end his life but it doesn't change the fact that he made a very poor choise and it cost him his life and me a son. As I said, it's normal and with time it will be better. Hugs and prayers.. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

[Maddy6]

Linda & Vivian,Reading both of your posts has really helped me. I did both of what you describe and I gained insight into my own behavior as I read your posts. I was in denial in the beginning because I could not deal with it. Between the tragedy of Katrina and then my daughter. I could not look at her pictures, or I would cry. In the beginning also had many a day that I pretended I was someone else. When I went to school at night where people did not know my tragic past, I would enter into a wonderful world of being someone else. It gave me relief from the pain I was in. Briefly maybe, but still relief. Anyway, thank you both for your posts.LOVE,MADDY

[Maddy6]

double post