Going to Go Through My first Holiday

[mrsduc]

Some weird things are happening that I know Robert must be involved in all that is going on. He always wanted the family to stop fighting and try to get along. I know he always wanted me around during holidays but I was never allowed since I was divorced from the family and their family would not allow the boys to come to me, so we never spent holidays together since Robert was 10 years old. But called my ex last weekend to ask if I sent Easter presents for our granddaughter that our youngest son refuses to let me see. Well my ex said sure he would do that but why not you and your husband come here. I said I didn't know (what ex wife going with her husband to the ex's house for a holiday, just seems weird) I did not want to cause any problems. He said I wouldn't that he was very angre at what our two other boys are treating me by not calling me or coming by to help me thru this and how our youngest won't let me see my granddaughter. So I spoke to my husband and at first we both said no but then my husband said you know lets go and we will have a sign between us so when either of us feel we have had enough or our uncomfortable we will do the singnal and then we will leave. I am not upset about going to see my ex, he is not my problem that upsets me or makes me sick to my stomach, but his parents are going to be there and I can not stand them. It took me years to stop hating them so that I could move on when they took my boys from me and refused to allow me my visitation days. And after hearing from Robert about alot of the things that happened in that house to Robert and the other boys just makes me sick and so I believe very much in my heart and mind that Robert would not of killed himself if it hadn't been for some or alot of the things that they did to him and did for him. They kept him so mentally attached to them that he had no chance to be allowed to learn how to stand on his own two feet and everytime that he tried to be an adult and do something that excited him (cosmotology, skin care, make up artist, photography, staging) they made fun of him and told him that he would never make it and would never make anything of yourself unless he came back to their house and work for them. They needed to control them and all the other kids and their father too. Their father has been in that family from the time he left the hospital when he was adopted into the family and they molded him into a walking robot that can;t think for himself and has no idea how to feel or think without them telling him how to do it. He cannot pay bills and do much else for himself without them telling him how to do it and bitching and putting him down the whole time. My other boys are so mest up like Robert but in different ways. My middle son who will be 31 in Dec. does not fill the need to get up and even go to their job or look for another job because even though he does not work and they complain to him and put him down they still put money into his account each week and they pay all his bills. So I think why should I work. But to me they are not helping him at all. So my middle son copes by staying high on pot all day and playing video games most of the time. He does not hang around too many people and only goes around the family when he thinks that he is going to loose the money and on all holidays and vacations. And my youngest son who will be 28 in Nov. is married with my granddaughter and because he is so use to a grandmother, who insisted that he call her mom, only knew a controling situation and now he is in a more controling family. No one wanted him to marry the girl that he married. She is not a nice person and she has alot of mental issues but her and her mother have taught my son that his family especially me are evil to him and that he needs to stay away from all of them. So he told me the only people he loves is his wife and his mother in-law because they have taught him how to stand up for himself. But that is not they way it is and I am not the only one who has seen this. But he does not take it out on anyone else but me. Apparently his wife and her mother sees me as a threat from what I was told. I do not know why, since all I want is to try and get to know my son again and to show him that I love him so much and that what he was taught was not true. I never try to put his grandmother down to any of the boys but sometimes it does come out in the tone of my voice. So that is alot of why I am not looking forward to going. And yesterday Chris (my youngest) called and I happened to ask him what he ws doing this weekend he said that he was going to his mother in-laws house on Saturday and then his father's house on Sunday. So I opened my mouth, which was stupid of me, and told him that his father invited me. All of a sudden he said that he probably wouldn;t be there until late or even not at all. So I realized that he does not want to see me. So we are going to take all the presents that I had bought my granddaughter for her first Easter and try and put on a nice fake face on and if he does not show up then his father can deal with it. And I have to think that Robert is really having something to do with this. His father and I have spoken more than ever since our son died. I would call maybe once a year or so if I knew one of the kids were at his house so that I could talk to them, because he always let me talk to them where as his parents never woud.

Also am alot worried about my eye surgery on Friday. I scheduled 7 people to go on this cruise and I had asked Robert to go and he had said that he thought he would go but not to get his ticket yet. And I am so afraid that I will not be allowed to swim after the surgery because I understand from reading up on what I have DCR that they put a tube into the nostril and new tear duct that they make and it stays in anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months. I did not buy the cruise tickets to sit on the side lines. I am so much like Robert that where there is water we have to get in even if it is cold. that was just the way we are. I am taking some of his ashes with us to sprinkle in the ocean at every beach that we stopped out. So having to have this surgery is making me worried. But I worry about alotof things anyway even before Roberts death. But it seems that it has gotten worse since his death.

Robert has been gone now for 3 months but it still feels like atlot longer. Everyday I want to talk to him on the phone. I see myself checking my cell phone to see if he had called and I had missed his call. Even though my brain knows that it will never happen, I still can't stop doing it.

Well will stop and I know now that Holidays especially for the first time without your child is the hardest thing to do, but I do wish all to try to have a Happy one. And I am sure that even the parents that have lost a child over year or more it is still very hard during the holidays. Always like something is missing but you know you have to pretend everything is alright. But I do hope that everyone on this upcoming Holiday to be good to yourself and do whatever you must do to get thru it and do not fill it is wrong. Thanks,

This past Sept. when I went to CA for 5 days Robert and I went to the Santa Monica pier and we were at the carnival there. Well he went into the bathroom but I had no idea that he had taken my camera with him into the bathroom with him until he came our and told me. But did not think anything of it until I got home and viewed the pictures on my computer. I could not stop smiling at what he had done because that was Robert thru and thru.

[Susie_q512]

Linda,

I am so sorry that you are hurting so deeply. I'm just over 6 months into this "new life", but I remember the agonizing pain I was experiencing at the 3 month mark. It still hurts, but I feel more depressed, despondent, and deeply sad. The missing just seems to grow more intense. I am also sorry to hear of your former in-laws interference in your life and the lives of your children. There must be so much anger and resentment towards them.....I can't imagine that kind of torment. Prayers that your visit with the ex and his family will go well.....praying harder that you will be able to spend time with your other children and your grand-daughter. The holidays are very difficult.....no escaping it. Also hoping that your surgery goes well, and your trip brings some comfort and distraction your way.