Still fit in

[Sole-Mate]

It has been several months now since the passing of Debra. I have tried to be strong and continue on as I am supposed too. I was hoping to be able too keep things in proper perspective and move on. Not that I want too forget....but I was hoping that time would help a little bit. I was thinking how this time of the year was a good time for the both of us. I was also thinking that I am too young at 52 to be trying to figure this whole mess out. It is sort of a time to chuck it all and move onto other endeavors that are not the same as the past just to get on with life. But, it seems hard to make this decision on purpose, but if I lost "this way of life" and everything else, then I would be forced to move on. I was hoping to come back to this forum with a better feeling or sense about myself. But, I am right back here after having a rough weekend of memories and an empty feeling. I suspect it will be this way for along time. I even tried to resign from my job just to break things free, but they found other work for me.....I figured that would have been my segway to another chapter in this book called life!

[shellyku]

Dear ForeverYoung - I am so sorry that you lost your Debra. It is heartbreaking to lose one so dear.

Frankly, I saw your post on my way to another thread, but it stopped me in my tracks. I have been

searching for some words of wisdom for my son-in-law as I see him struggling with life. He was

married to my daughter for 7 months when she passed away from complications of leukemia.

I miss my daughter terribly...she was 29 years old. What further breaks my heart is watching her

husband and our younger daughter who's 28 try to go on with life. I have my husband, younger

daughter has her husband and a baby due in 1 week, but Andy has no one to go home to. I read

your post and see that it's the same for everyone, I suppose, who loses someone so dear to them.

I pray for peace for you and for all of us. Take Care!

[DMH821]

Dear Forever Young, I am sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is, my husband died on March 8, 2012. I have my job, our kids, even two grandbabies. I TRY for them, and for me, but it's difficult. The weekends are tough like you said. I am trying hard to make myself do things and keep busy, because it's easy to wallow. It's 2 pm and I have the day off. I didn't even dress yet. LOL. I finally ate something and am going to hop in the shower. I have too much to do to have a pity party today..so I will force myself! I don't have any easy answers for you..I don't think anyone does, for us. It is what it is, and we just have to work through it, I think.

[widower2]

It has been several months now since the passing of Debra. I have tried to be strong and continue on as I am supposed too. I was hoping to be able too keep things in proper perspective and move on. Not that I want too forget....but I was hoping that time would help a little bit. I was thinking how this time of the year was a good time for the both of us. I was also thinking that I am too young at 52 to be trying to figure this whole mess out. It is sort of a time to chuck it all and move onto other endeavors that are not the same as the past just to get on with life. But, it seems hard to make this decision on purpose, but if I lost "this way of life" and everything else, then I would be forced to move on. I was hoping to come back to this forum with a better feeling or sense about myself. But, I am right back here after having a rough weekend of memories and an empty feeling. I suspect it will be this way for along time. I even tried to resign from my job just to break things free, but they found other work for me.....I figured that would have been my segway to another chapter in this book called life!

I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I can relate to much of it, having lost my loved one late last year, although of course it's diff for everyone. I suggest this:

- know it will take time and lots of it. Anyone who so much as hints as "are you 'over it' yet?" should be pushed off a cliff. (you wouldn't believe some of the stories I've heard) There is no set timeline and pls don't get wrapped up in the "5 stages" bit, grieving "processes" or similar....stuff. There is no "normal" or "supposed to." Let yourself feel whatever you feel and realize that some days will be better than others.

- be gentle to yourself. It's so easy to beat yourself up that you didn't do this or that right. You're human, accept that and know you did the best you could and that your loved one knows that too.

- don't be afraid to reach out, be it to family, friends or even therapy. The stigmas and cliches are frankly stupid. If you need help now of all times, don't be afraid to get it. Even vent here if it helps.