My Beautiful Mother

[agaston1231]

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this site and it has taken me a long time to actually talk about my mother. I lost my mother on June 21, 2011 at the age of 51 from lung cancer that metastized to her brain, she was only with us for a little over a year. She tried one run of chemo and radiation, it was too much for her. I told her in the beginning of the treatment if it was too much for her just let me know (even though I did not want to hear that). I also have an 8 year old daughter, her and my mother were inseperable (that was her MiMi). During the year we were able to enjoy with my mother, I cried with her, laughed, was silly with her, whatever she wanted to do; we did it. I made sure that her final days here was enjoyable and we enjoyed her. I am an only child and so is my daughter, it has been even harder for me because of my daughter, she is taking my moms death very hard. I do have in counseling and she will attend a weekend camp for grieving children. It has only been 9 months since my mother left us; sometimes my heart drops at the thought of her being gone. I have good days and bad days, I cry, shout, laugh, and scream. I sometimes just want to wake up from this awful dream. I never imagined life with my mother, she was the rock of our family; she has 5 sisters and four brothers and everyone thought my mother was the oldest. I miss her dearly and I would give anything to hear her call my name or my daughter's name. I try to think realisticly sometimes; I say to myself; she is no longer in pain and she is not suffering anymore and I have to ask myself, would I want her here that way (no). People say to me the days will get better; I don't feel that way now. I just sit and ask why

Thank You for letting me express how I feel

[Daffodilfun]

I ask why everyday. Things are colder like you said. I lived with mom for so long and even when she went to the care center our house was still our house-warm and friendly. Now that mom is gone our house is lonely as is my heart.

Hang in there. Some say it will get easier. I can't imagine not ever feeling anything but sad. I hear your pain. Blessings.

[debbie8800]

Agaston your mother was young, such a shame, im so sorry for your loss.

[Mrssumr]

HI,

Your post really hit home for me. I lost my Mom 11 weeks ago. She had lung cancer( they think they were never able to figure out primary cancer) but it had spread to her bone. My Mom only survived 9 days after being diagnosed. I had no time to prepare or even say good bye really. I was with her everyday but could not believe what was happening. They were finding more and more cancer with each test. I have 2 children age 4 and 7 and my Mom was also " Mimi". She was with my children almost every single day of their lives. Mom was my very best friend and it is incredibly hard. I ask why everyday and think how completely unfair this is. I have to go on for my kids but some days I just want to give up and be with Mom ( not crazy or suicidal just miss her so much) I am a shell of the person I use to be. I just wanted you to know you re not alone. I am so sorry for your loss please continue to post. I will be praying for you!

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this site and it has taken me a long time to actually talk about my mother. I lost my mother on June 21, 2011 at the age of 51 from lung cancer that metastized to her brain, she was only with us for a little over a year. She tried one run of chemo and radiation, it was too much for her. I told her in the beginning of the treatment if it was too much for her just let me know (even though I did not want to hear that). I also have an 8 year old daughter, her and my mother were inseperable (that was her MiMi). During the year we were able to enjoy with my mother, I cried with her, laughed, was silly with her, whatever she wanted to do; we did it. I made sure that her final days here was enjoyable and we enjoyed her. I am an only child and so is my daughter, it has been even harder for me because of my daughter, she is taking my moms death very hard. I do have in counseling and she will attend a weekend camp for grieving children. It has only been 9 months since my mother left us; sometimes my heart drops at the thought of her being gone. I have good days and bad days, I cry, shout, laugh, and scream. I sometimes just want to wake up from this awful dream. I never imagined life with my mother, she was the rock of our family; she has 5 sisters and four brothers and everyone thought my mother was the oldest. I miss her dearly and I would give anything to hear her call my name or my daughter's name. I try to think realisticly sometimes; I say to myself; she is no longer in pain and she is not suffering anymore and I have to ask myself, would I want her here that way (no). People say to me the days will get better; I don't feel that way now. I just sit and ask why

Thank You for letting me express how I feel

[pperry44@earthlink.net]

My heart goes out to you.

It has been almost 2 years for me since I lost my Mom to a sudden, quick and heart breaking diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. In the first year, I didn't think I would get to a place where my grieving was not all consuming. I was fortunate to have much support from my friends and sister, but it startled me to feel so desolate and uninterested in other aspects of my life after this happened. It was like I was drowning and everyone around me was aware of it and even though they were throwing me a lifeline and trying to help, no one had the ability to pull me out of the water. I felt like I needed to reinvest myself back into my world, but I just couldn't seem to get myself there because the things I spent my time doing before now seemed completely unimportant.

There was a time when it was a conscious choice to go on about my life (not suicidal thoughts, but just making the choice to go get back into my daily life). It has taught me that we all make choices daily and that the loss of someone close gives you more awareness of how important your choices are. As time goes on, every little moment in time for me doesn’t lead me back to that morning I was by her side when she died. Sometimes it goes to a funny memory of my time with her, so I know things are changing for me and I am healing. She lives in me. All her good deeds, all her funny memories, all she was to everyone around her is in me and she lives on through me – not just for me, but for everyone around me as well. The good in people continues to ripple out into the world thru others and on to others, regardless of whether they are physically here or not. There is a huge void in my life without her, but I am getting better at accepting that the non-physical part of her lives in me and it is the physical presence of her that I miss so much. I do understand now that “It is worth remembering that the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and strength is often that of greater difficulty” – Dalai Lama. All death is to remind us of life.

I have always been a spiritual person and have an extensive library of books on the subject. There is one book that has helped me along this journey - Your Soul's Plan by Robert Schwartz. This is an amazing book for anyone interested in healing and open to seeing things in a different perspective.

Take your own time in your grief process as we all deserve the right to grieve in our own time. It's not important how long you grieve, but rather to "Take these deaths, make them meaningful, allow for their transience and complete your life with their input as part of what makes you whole, not what makes you broken" - Robert Schwartz.

I wish you peace on your journey to healing.

Patty P.

[debbie8800]

Patty i totally agree with everything you said and then some. I am getting better and healing but those first couple of months were awful.

I hope we all heal. Agaston, i am praying for you for healing and strength. I think we are all in the same boat. I ran into a childhood friend tonight who reminded me of our times and my mother and how she liked her british cookies and her cadbury chocolates.

like is funny. I still miss my mother alot but i am healing.

deb