Loss of mother and father

[dib2021]

Hi All,

I lost my father in January 2021, which was very hard for me to handle.  But then I lost my mother in February 2023, suddenly.  The unknown circumstances are making it hard for me to find any sort of closure, and I find myself focusing on them because I don't know what happened.  I finally got some answers from the coroner's office today, rather abruptly and with no feeling whatsoever, but it was only the color of her skin and the fact that they thought she had a heart attack.  But he wasn't even that specific on that.  All i wanted to know was where they found her, what was her position, etc.  I know it sounds morbid, but I just need to know what happened.  And I don't.  And the EMTs won't tell me anything, and that's all I can get from Coroner's office.  Don't most people get more compassion and information from first responders?  Do I pursue this further or just find a way to let it go......

[silvereyes]

hi @dib2021 , I am very very sorry for your losses.  I do not know the circumstances so I may not be able to provide too much advise on that side. My mom passed away almost five months ago;  I found out about the cause of death on the death certificate, while the doctors and nurses at the hospital where she was for 1.5 months gave a different version to my family.  What really happened or how she died ? it is still questionnable and I still have a lot of questions that probably will stay unanswered and have been surrounding my mind all this time.  If there is something I can do about it? I asked for the medical record to my family, if they can get it from the hospital, unknown, but I only know that knowing it or not, the pain and grief still remains and is hard. For now, I assume the death certificate is correct and the staff at the hospital did not have the proper training. I do regret not bringing her to the US mainland before; I did not know her health was declining that fast. 

You don't sound morbid, when someone we love dies suddenly and unexpectedly and no one tells us the cause or what happened, it creates a dark cloud and a void so big that there are no words to describe it. And I am very, very sorry you are going through this.  I can say that maybe if you get the death certificate and/or obtain the medical record, maybe it could help... I do really hope you will get some answers from them, but if you don't, remembering her, talking with her every day, and honoring her memory will become somehow a guide above the cause; at least it has been becoming for me...It has been taking time and I am still working on it, for how long, I don't know, but it helps sharing it with others too, and I hope it will help you too.

[dib2021]

I just checked back in.  Thank you silvereyes for your response.  I was able to find out more, and no, it didn't help.  Just like everyone said, but it seems to be the norm when you lose someone suddenly like that.  I am working through it day by day.  I think I go through every stage of grief at least a couple of times per day.  No one tells you that grief is like fear.  It's like anxiety.  And it's exhausting and isolates you from other people who aren't going through the same thing.  I just keep telling myself:  Time.  Give it time.

Peace to you all.