Members Sholl1955 Posted April 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Just wondering if I should be feeling differently. My Sarah suffererd so much pain the last 6 weeks of her life after a nearly 2 year battle with breast cancer. I am truly thankful that she is no longer in this pain but when people try to reassure me that she is no longer in pain and that she is better off, it is hurtful to me. I would never want her back in that pain, but it does not make the grief less and I miss her so much. It feels as if people think that I should have this huge relief and now go on with life. I know they are well intentioned and do not know what to say and yes,life does go on but at this moment the pain gets worse every day as I adjust to life without her and as I watch her 3 year old and 5 year old grieve for thier mama. I have surely learned what NOT to say to people going through pain and suffering after having gone down this journey with my daughter. Sarah has only been gone since March 14th and it is hard to believe that this pain will get better anytime soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted April 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Just wondering if I should be feeling differently. My Sarah suffererd so much pain the last 6 weeks of her life after a nearly 2 year battle with breast cancer. I am truly thankful that she is no longer in this pain but when people try to reassure me that she is no longer in pain and that she is better off, it is hurtful to me. I would never want her back in that pain, but it does not make the grief less and I miss her so much. It feels as if people think that I should have this huge relief and now go on with life. I know they are well intentioned and do not know what to say and yes,life does go on but at this moment the pain gets worse every day as I adjust to life without her and as I watch her 3 year old and 5 year old grieve for thier mama. I have surely learned what NOT to say to people going through pain and suffering after having gone down this journey with my daughter. Sarah has only been gone since March 14th and it is hard to believe that this pain will get better anytime soon.oh my gosh your pain is so fresh and new! yeah life goes on but you won't think so for a long time. of course you wouldn't want your daughter in pain and she is relieved of that but that doesn't change the pain you are in! people don't know how to comfort you and that is the only positive thing they can think of. those of us that have felt the excruciating pain of losing a child realize there isn't much comfort i'm afraid. finding someone that will be beside you while you grieve and not try to rush you is helpful. i have found the community of these parents suffering this unfathomable loss comforts me more than most the people i know in my "real" life. i am so sorry for your terrible loss and sadness. the added grief of your grandchildren must make your days even harder. i can only suggest to hold them and let them grieve, grieve with them, and don't expect much of yourself yet. one day it won't feel like you are absolutely drowning but it will be awhile. i will be thinking of you. this is a good place to come to find people that understand. i hope you will continue on this journey with us. we all need each other. by the way there is a forum within this forum-loss of an adult child which is most helpful to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Susie_q512 Posted April 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Sarah's Mama - I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's struggle with cancer and the loss it has brought to you, her children and others within your family. As Gretchen stated, you are so very new to this journey that comfort is very hard to find, most especially in the words of good intention-ed people who have no idea of the depth of pain you are experiencing. My daughter was killed just over 6 months ago in a car accident. She was only 16 years old. Many people have said to me "at least she didn't suffer" or "she's in a better place" or "she wouldn't come back if given the choice". I've even thought these things myself, but it does not ease the pain. Often, I have discussed these comments when they are uttered. I typically say something like "thank you,but that doesn't bring me comfort right now....it's like putting a tiny band-aid on a large and gaping wound. I appreciate the effort, but the wound is still bleeding and painful." I have found that most people understand my meaning, and it often opens the door for deeper discussion. It's only been a few weeks for you.....much too soon for comfort to find you. At 6 months into this new life, I can say that comfort has yet to find me. Where you are right now, it's literally one moment, one painful heartbeat, one jagged breath at a time. Grief has a life and mind of its own....it takes us and does as it wills with us. Many emotions are struggling for dominance within us, and we find ourselves tossed about from one extreme to another. At times, we feel that we cannot bear one more moment of it, but somehow we do.....somehow our shattered hearts continue to beat. There are many wonderful people here. People new (like us), and those who are farther along on this journey. Those farther along help those of us who are new to this unwanted journey. Please post in the Loss of an Adult Child Forum. It is much more active, and you will find many who will reach out to you with love, understanding and support. My heart to you as you find your footing on this new path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dhathc00 Posted April 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Sarah's mama; I am sorry to hear of your loss and your pain,, I cried as I read your post,, I am new to this site, I came to it a while back but I didn't find what I needed at the time and didn't return till just the other day. I think it would have been better if I had returned sooner. I can't give anything more to what susan and gretchen have offered only that I know this is such a short time after your loss and I can't imagine having any control of my feelings at that point. I wish I could help more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dhathc00 Posted April 1, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Sarah's Mama: I lost my mother to cancer Dec 5 1992,, It was my first true battle, I don't know if battle is the right word. But I know at the time the situation got so bad that I prayed for my mother to be relieved/die. It was the hardest thing I ever did, I thought I would die myself. There was a relief when she passed, It was excruciating for me as I was very close to my mother, she was both a mother and a "father" to me, she was all I knew for help. But I didn't want her to suffer any more, we had a few moments her last day that I think she knew I was there. We stared into each others eyes but I only have the belief that she knew I was there. I still remember those last precious moments and am thankful. I hope you have some of those type moments of your daughter, they will help carry you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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