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Sholl1955

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I am new to this site. I was looking for support from someone who understands the pain and heartbreak I am feeling right now. My beautiful daughter Sarah who was 33 years old lost her battle with breast cancer on March 14th 2012. She has a 5 year old and and a 3 year old. I know Sarah is no longer suffering and know that she is with the Lord and am thankful for that, however the pain I feel is indescribable and so intense. I feel like a part of me died along with her.

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Sarah's MOm, join us at Loss of Adult Child, there you will be surrounded by many who too have lost their adult child.

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I am new to this site. I was looking for support from someone who understands the pain and heartbreak I am feeling right now. My beautiful daughter Sarah who was 33 years old lost her battle with breast cancer on March 14th 2012. She has a 5 year old and and a 3 year old. I know Sarah is no longer suffering and know that she is with the Lord and am thankful for that, however the pain I feel is indescribable and so intense. I feel like a part of me died along with her.

Sarah's mama,

I am pretty new here too. My daughter was also 33 when she went home on Nov. 22, 2011. There was no cause- she just went to sleep and didn't wake up again. She left little ones as well.

You are so new to this road we are all traveling. The pain and sense of loss are as real as anything ever gets, but the pain passes in time, even though we know we will miss our precious children for the rest of our days here. I understand the feeling that your daughter took a piece of your heart with her when she left, but she is only holding it until you are with her again. And you will be. You know that she is living forever in our real home, so now, you must look to Him for the "peace that passes all understanding". He knows your pain and will give you the peace that only He can.

I lean on our Father every day and He never lets go. For now, we can make the promise to live the rest of our lives in ways that honor our children and assure that we will be with them again.

It's odd, but I was the one diagnosed with cancer last year, and so was almost relieved. I saw it as validation of my "deal" with God, that I wouldn't outlive anyone I loved (I am a tremendous coward). But then, He called my beautiful daughter home. At first, I didn't think I was going to survive the shock, and then I was afraid that I would. But I came to realize a few things, the most important being that I was honored to have known this lovely woman for as long as I did. Chrissy was an amazing Christian warrior and I learned SO much more from her than she ever learned from me. When the ME told us that he could not find a single medical reason for her death, I knew that she had accomplished what God sent her to do and then took her home peacefully, and without any fear. It seemed like a tribute.

I feel her presence, and HIS, every day and I hear her voice sometimes. A miracle isn't always what you think it is.

Dear one, for the time being, let your tears flow and allow yourself to grieve. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some time. Lean on Him, even if you are angry. He understands.

Much love,

Robyn

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darlenestark

Sarah's mom - I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found your way to this site - without the compassion and understanding I found here, I don't know if I could have made it through the past 3 months since my son died...

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Dear Sarah's Mama - I'm so sorry that you lost your precious daughter. The world as we knew it

will never be the same. I lost my 29 year old daughter Sarah to leukemia in August of 2010. My

prayers for your healing each and every day. Shelly

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Thank you all for your response to my first post. Today was difficult as the days go by the pain seems to get worse. It has just been since the 14th that Sarah died, this was my first week back at work and more difficult than I anticipated even though everyone was kind and caring. People say it will get better, I know it is probably true but right now it does not feel that will every be possible.

Sarah's Mom

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Sarah's Mama..You are most definitely not alone. We are here holding you in our arms. Your pain is all too familiar. Never think you are alone. I am so sorry for your loss. I will not kid you. This is a difficult road we walk. There are no short cuts to working your way through it. You just have to walk right through that pain and grief and keep going. These are early days for you. But in time you will be able to slowly regain your strength.Don't lose heart. It will happen in time. It takes a huge amount of work and determination to find your way again. You CAN do it. Keep posting.

Kate

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Hello. I am New to the site. My son was killed May 11, 2005.I have 2 other children also. I needed to talk to people who understand this life we have been handed.

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1333170131' post='86021']

Hello. I am New to the site. My son was killed May 11, 2005.I have 2 other children also. I needed to talk to people who understand this life we have been handed.

Hi Chris' mom,We all understand your pain here. My daughter died August 7, 2007. I only came on the site recently...in January, but have found help that I needed here. If you click on the thread that says "loss of Adult Child," you will find many more of us and that is usually where most people post and discuss. After clicking on it, click the top right button that says "reply," and that is how you post on there. Come back as often as you like and tell us as much as you would like. We are here for you.Love,Maddy

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BrendaDup59

I am new to this site. I was looking for support from someone who understands the pain and heartbreak I am feeling right now. My beautiful daughter Sarah who was 33 years old lost her battle with breast cancer on March 14th 2012. She has a 5 year old and and a 3 year old. I know Sarah is no longer suffering and know that she is with the Lord and am thankful for that, however the pain I feel is indescribable and so intense. I feel like a part of me died along with her.

I do know what you are going through , I lost my son to a motorcycle accident March 17 ,2012 my heart is so broken , I feel sometimes I cant stand it he too left 6 children from 15 years to 18 months , I know a part of me died when he did. My sons are my life I have a 28 year old and a 9 year old . so I have no choice to pick myself up and go on when all I want to do is crawl in a hole and just pull the dirt over me. I too just don't know what else to do . I will keep you in my prayers . Take Care Brenda

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davincidanes

I am so sorry to all of you that are new to this site. It wasn't long ago that I was too, having lost my 28 year old son on Jan. 5, 2012. You have all found the right place to be among people who care who know how badly it hurts.

I can offer an idea that helped me in the early days.... maybe it will help you, too. As we all know our hearts are broken - shattered into a million pieces, it seems, but I tried to visualize my heart as "compartmentalized". Half of it was broken to pieces never knowing if it would ever heal and love again, and the other half was the complete part that still wanted to be alive and love the others in my life. Then I gave each half of my heart permission to exist, telling it that it's okay to grieve.......... and okay to live & love........ At first the greiving half got much more "airtime" than the living half, but it get's a little better every day.

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The promise that this will feel better in time, will seem unreasonable right now and bring little comfort to ease your unbearable and all consuming sadness and this is the way things are and there is little to be done about it. Like your enormous love for each other, thus is the size of your loss, it cannot go away quickly and in this time all we can do is endure. But know that you are not alone, know that this can be endured and has been endured by many and we survive and indeed one day thrive again.

The pain of your loss will never diminish, never feel better or lessened, but what will happen is that it will stop consuming your every waking moment, at first interrupted by trivia, practical stuff that cannot be avoided. These moments grow in the amount of time they take until at some point you are back in the world again. A world poorer for the loss you have, but a world that continues nonetheless. And this world needs you and wants you. We are compelled to endure and survive we have no choice.

There are grandchildren that need you to tell them stories of their mum, who she was and how much she adored them and one day you will be able to tell these stories with a smile like you've never known.

Talk to her, take those moments, give her news, ask her advice, say it out loud in the car or wherever, you'll be amazed at what comes back.

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I'm new to this site. I lost my oldest child, my 20 yr old son Andy Jan 30th this year (2012). I don't know where else to turn. It's like I'm moving backwards. It's getting harder and harder rather than easier. I'm in grief counselling-it's not helping. I don't think she even realizes how deep I am sinking. My doctor has me on medication that should have me heavily sedated-it's not helping, I can't even tell I've taken it and I looked it up, I'm on a high dose. Everywhere I go something reminds me of him and sets lose niagra falls at best. At worst I actually zone out. It's hard to explain and I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this? At first it was only for a brief periods and my doctor thought it was my body's way of insisting on sleep I wasn't getting. But two days ago my husband and I went to the grocery and while he checked out I went to the restroom. I remember walking in then I don't remember anything until he was trying gently to coax me to bring my legs into the car. He said I walked out and met him as he was walking from the check out, leaned on the cart pushing it along as he guided it to the car and unloaded it, then when he took it away I leaned up against the car and I don't remember if he said he helped me sit down or I sat down on my own but he said I just sat there staring for at least 5 minutes until he tried to get me into the car. I never spoke. And it was very disorienting when I realized I was in the car.. The "zoning out" was happening before I was put on this medication in case you are suspecting that. I do have several diseases neuro muscular and auto immune (not aids) that are affected by stress. As my husband put it I'm not literallly killing myself but my body seems to be self destructing and I'm scared. I have lots of people who care but no one who really understands what I am going thru and feeling. I have two kids and they are my world, always have been. Andy and I were exceptionally close and I just do not know how to go on without him. :(

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Andy's mum...May I ask you something? What would Andy want you to do? Would he want you to be destroyed by his death or would he want you to be the amazing soul you were for him? I really want to find some magic words that will make it all go away, but they don't exist, it's horrid right now and all consuming and carrying on seems pointless, you are not alone, it may feel like it, but you aren't. Everything you are feeling has been felt by others.

The people around you may seem to want to hurry you along to another station in this journey. It's normal, they are not wrong to do so either, be gentle with them, they are trying to help.

But it may take Andy to give you permission, so open your heart and ask him. Ask your family what would Andy say? What would Andy want me to do?

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I understand but the things that are happening to my body are not things I can control. My body is responding to the grief regardless of what I try to do. That's what has me most scared. And I can't help how badly I miss him. I am doing things or trying to do things to keep busy. We are holding a walk-a-thon in June to raise money for his memorial scholarship fund that will benefit the students from his school. And even though my body is needing it and normally when my body needs it I would take to my bed for rest I'm not because laying in bed just gives me more time alone to think and be upset. I am trying but it's having the reverse effect. :(

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