Entering year 2

[Lara8]

Well, I have survived the first year without Jesse. Now I find I feel worse than ever! I thought I read of another parent who started feeling worse after the one year mark, as well. I too, am having "What's the point?" ideas about life. I rarely get sick, and now am sick. I guess grief lowers the immune system. It seems to wreck havoc everywhere and with everything. I was so excited for my cousin and her family to move to our area, but find myself not caring if they come or not. It will be one more thing I have to deal with. My depression is at an all time low. I realize we all grieve differently, but is this "normal?" My brain function is also a mess! I cannot remember anything and find myself isolating. I keep thinking I am a terrible person, too. Some part of me knows this is not true, but my self-esteem is the lowest it's ever been. I feel like I am whining, but it just hurts so bad.

[hotrod]

Hi Lara8

I hear you and understand only too well the pain of which you speak. Your loss of your precious child Jesse is still oh so very new. I lost my only child Stephen 5 years ago and although the pain has lessened I can still remember the earlier days. Please try to be gentle with yourself. Eat, take short walks and come here often Visiting this group posting , Reading I do believe saved my life and sanity.

In my thoughts and prayers.

[shellyku]

Lara8 - I just read your post and the reply by Hotrod - and I just want to tell you I am 18 months

on this journey and I'm feeling exactly as you describe. Not that I want to discourage you, but

it has not gotten any better for me. This is not to say that each and every day has been this low,

I have found joys here and there along the way, but right now is a particularly bad time. I read

from Dee, I believe, who said that often times the change of seasons brings low times as it

depicts time passing. For me, the upcoming birth of our first grandbaby (in 2 or 3 weeks) is

so bittersweet...a joy to be sure, but only if Sarah was here for her sister... By the way, my

daughter Sarah died from leukemia at the age of 29.

Sometimes I can't tell the difference between grief and depression. I guess I have both.

My prayers for you Lara8, that you might find some measure of peace each day you travel

this awful road. Shelly

[Lara8]

Thanks, Shelly, And Hotrod. I just feel like I am going crazy sometimes. Jesse was my only child (he was also 29 when he died after a car accident) and my best buddy. I have a very hard time reaching out, but have always liked this site, and am so glad to hear from you both. Shelly, I see Sarah died on my birthday, and I am so sad for you. But, congrats on the new grandbaby! I wish Jesse would have had kids, which is something else I grieve. And thank you, hotrod; your words have helped more than you'll ever know! My head says it gets better with time but my heart doesn't know any better. Take care

[shellyku]

Lara8 - Just a quick note to encourage you to post, if you want to, on the Loss of an Adult Child

thread of this website. There are many other people, kind and caring people who know of this

pain. Some are much further along on this journey and really do give encouragement and

validation of these feelings and struggles. Take care. Shelly

[vivkib]

Lara8, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son Kevin 6 months ago tomarrow. All the firsts are so hard. My dad passed almost 2 yrs ago and my mom has been so great when I need comfort. She did warn me that even though the first year is so very hard the second year seems to be harder because it sneeks up on you. She told me she kept thinking "I can do this, I did it before" then WHAM out of nowhere it hits. She told me this and I'm sharing it now so maybe it'll take some of the sting out of the second year. I really don't know cause I'm not there yet. Sorry if this is not much help for you and I pray things gst better for you, for all of us. Again, I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son Jesse. Hugs and prayers to you. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

[shorty16]

Hello Kevin's Mom, Shellyku, and Lara8

I am over 3.5 years into this grief journey, and I must tell you it does get softer. But like alot of things, it gets worse before it gets better.

For me, the first year was filled with physical pain, complete dis-belief, crying, and wanting to die myself. The second year - reality hits really hard and we do get the "Why should I even bother, my child is dead." I want my old life back.... The third year - light starts to shine through and we start to find out who we have become, BECAUSE of our childs death.

We have been thrust into a new life and we have changed because of our childs death. Much of this grief journey is getting to know this new life and getting to know ourselves again, because we have changed.

Hang in there. This is no easy ride. But FOR ME, the 3rd year really started my healing process.

Be kind to yourself.

Colleen, Brian's(16) Mother 4 ever

[Susie_q512]

Colleen - You and others have expressed wise words here, but I relate in particular to your post. That's the timeline I have in mind....at least 3 years before I can see that glimmer of life, but if it's longer, than I'll just keep trucking until I see that light. I have heard from others that the second year is very difficult because the reality begins to really set in and take root....hard to imagine anything worse than the here and now, but I am thankful to at least have an idea of what I can expect to experience along the early years of this "new life"....I hate that term, because it doesn't seem like life at all, but what else can we call it?....Same with the "new normal"....what's normal anymore? I think of you and your Brian every day.

Lara8 - I am so very sorry that your precious Jesse is no longer here in this physical life with you. I'm only 6 months into this hellish nightmare, but I've read and listened to a lot of what others farther along on this journey have stated. It seems to me that you are right where you are supposed to be. It's okay to not be okay anymore....we simply are not and cannot be okay by the standards of others or when comparing ourselves to others....but that's the new normal for us. Depression is so much a part of this journey that I'm not sure you can separate grief and depression. I've read that depression is the longest stage of this process, so it may be with you for quite some time yet. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the process of grieving for Jesse. It is an expression of your deep and unending love and connection. Prayers for some peace to find its way to you.