The Things She's Missing

[BAMoots]

Its been almost 3 months since my grandmother passed away. She wasnt just my grandma though, she was like another mom to me, she was my best friend. She was the one i would talk things through with when i had a decision to make and she was just a phone call away anytime I felt blue. But now in my last semester of my senior year, I've had to do so much on my own. At the begining of the school year, I was in denial, I couldnt wait to get out of school, but at the same time it didnt seem real, like i had all teh time in the world. Then the time flew and I was way behind on the college stuff. Then came January. I turned 18, and days later she was gone. My parents gave me a month, then were on my case about college. They werent being helpful, just harping. In that moment i need her. In just 3 months she has miss so much. She missed my class winning at pre-homecoming (something she always attended), she wasnt there to help me decided on a college, or for me to tell when i chose a school 6 hours away from home. shes not there to ask advice when one of our bosses is being a jerk (we worked at the same grocery store) She wasnt around to help me pick out the perfect prom dress or when we went shopping for Kims (my aunt, her daughter) wedding dress. She wasnt there to call the other day when my cap and gown was delivered. All these things shes missed. And i know shes gone, but i cant delete her number from my phone or unfriend her page on facebook, cause for some sick reason i hold on hoping to see a post or get a text. I miss her. I cant breathe sometimes. I cant go a day without thinking about her.

[ModKonnie]

Don't worry about deleting her cell number. It's been two years, and I still have my dad's. I will never delete it. As far as missing things, she would be here if she could, and you can still tell her about them. Some people believe that our loved ones somehow know what's going on. I hope so.

Have you talked with your parents about how you feel? How are they doing?

ModKonnie

[ada33r]

Hi Bamoots,

I so so sorry for the loss of your grandma, she seems like she was your guide, such a special person in your life. I know that they can truly be like your parents. My husband himself lost his grandfather recently, and by recently I mean 3 years, and he mourned his loss. He was like a father to him, he raised him and was there for my husband whenever he needed him. I know you keep hearing time and time again that time heals all wounds, but in the early stages of grief hardly anyone is comforted by that. I'm sure that you feel, as we all who have lost someone, that there is absolutely no substitute for that precious one. In times of loss, I have been most helped by the genuine comfort based in God's solid promises. Empathy also goes a long long way and that is why forums like these are successful, we are all joined by the same pain. This pain and grief, and all the feelings of helplessness can seem unbearable and talking about it or hearing others talk about what they are going through can really serve as therapy for our souls. I have resorted to this forum but also I have found that there have been those who have grieved mothers, fathers, sons, and friends in the Bible. Reading these and their reactions has brought me much needed comfort. For example, one of them was Jesus. He grieved over his good friend Lazarus. A perfect man, who even knew what he was about to do, still was deeply moved. The Bible says that he "groaned in the spirit and became troubled" then, "Jesus gave way to tears" (John 11:33,35). His grief though did not mean that he had no hope. Jesus knew that something wonderful was about to happen.

He went to Lazarus' grave and called out with a loud voice: "Lazarus, come on out!" then "the man that had been dead came out". (John 11: 43,44) Jesus did not claim to perform this miracle on his own. He made it clear in his prayer before calling out to Lazarus that Jehovah was the Source of the resurrection. (John 11:41,42) This was a victory over death, even though Lazarus died eventually, this (along with 8 other resurrection miracles recorded) proves that Jehovah is greater than even death. That God is not partial, all the resurrected ones include young and old, male and female, Israelite and non-Israelite. This has brought me so much comfort Bamoots, realizing that our Father is greater than our problems and He gives us the assurance that we can see our loved ones who have passed again. I share this with you because this has made a world of a difference for my in the way I grieve. Does this help you too? I hope to hear back from you.

Much love,

Ada

[BAMoots]

Don't worry about deleting her cell number. It's been two years, and I still have my dad's. I will never delete it. As far as missing things, she would be here if she could, and you can still tell her about them. Some people believe that our loved ones somehow know what's going on. I hope so.

Have you talked with your parents about how you feel? How are they doing?

ModKonnie

I have talked to my mom a little. We had to go an 1 and 1/2 away to pick up my prom dress, and she kinda trapped me. She finds it helpful to talk, i find it crushing. She tells me these stories about how my grandma was so excited when i was born and how she wanted to have me all the time and how she always loved my hugs. and i know my mom is trying to comfort me with these things but its jsut feels more like a punch in the gut. I feel like theres so much me and grandma didnt get to talk about, even though we were with each other all the time. and with graduation coming up things just get harder. Shes the one i would haave wanted there over everyone else in my world. She was my rock, the only reason i made it through school. and the thought of graduation at this point just seems pointless. And i dont think anyone quite gets that. Its just not as important as it used to be, because she wont be there.

[onedaysoon]

I lost my best friend to ovarian cancer on August 29, 2009. That's definitely a tough one and I am so sorry for your loss. I know that you didn't talk about everything, and I know that you were expecting more time with her ... I definitely felt the same way. Especially regarding school. She was the one who pushed me to go back because she knew that's exactly what I needed to get me and my kids to where we are now. She died with only one semester left for me to go. I know now that she was there with me ... not physically, but in spirit. She's the reason I made it to and from class, the reason that I got my homework done and turned in (4.0 the semester after she died ... even though half of the days, I don't even remember driving to school most mornings.

Your rock is still there, hon, just in a different form. I felt her as I stood on the stage ... as I signed my lease papers to get out of my abusive marriage ... as I started my new job ... as I became a single parent ... and even now that I am facing brain surgery. I saw here in little things that I normally wouldn't pay attention to. But once I started to open up, I knew it was her and she was there (she was in the hundreds of dragonflies that were flying over my house, she is in my kids, the things they say and do, she is all around) I just had to open my eyes long enough to see it.

I wish you the best in your journey BAMoots. Sending love, hugs, positive thoughts and prayers your way.

I have talked to my mom a little. We had to go an 1 and 1/2 away to pick up my prom dress, and she kinda trapped me. She finds it helpful to talk, i find it crushing. She tells me these stories about how my grandma was so excited when i was born and how she wanted to have me all the time and how she always loved my hugs. and i know my mom is trying to comfort me with these things but its jsut feels more like a punch in the gut. I feel like theres so much me and grandma didnt get to talk about, even though we were with each other all the time. and with graduation coming up things just get harder. Shes the one i would haave wanted there over everyone else in my world. She was my rock, the only reason i made it through school. and the thought of graduation at this point just seems pointless. And i dont think anyone quite gets that. Its just not as important as it used to be, because she wont be there.

[BAMoots]

Things got increasingly better then last month, but again now she is missing so many things. As i get closer to gradution everyday, it seems like a harder and harder thing to do, since she wont be there. About a week ago, I won a contest at state FBLA with my best friend, and we get to go to nationals. we are the first to go to nationals from our school in abou 14 years. The entire community is buzzing. When we won, i pulled out my phone and called my mom. Then dialed my grandmas number, before catching myself. That was the frst time i had forgotten she was really gone. And when i called my grandpa he told me how proud she would have been of me. making things even harder.She missed the final musical i will ever direct in high school (and the best one at that). She missed my senior prom stuff. All of hose things packed into won week was exremely hard on me.And graduation always stresses me out, because she wont be here.