Is my special half still with me?

[beauty]

I never knew what attraction really means until i met this guy.He seemed to be an average looking guy at first,but then it won't take much time for anyone to notice his awesome

personality,to get raptured by the cute look in his eyes when he spread his sweet smile,to become a great admirer of his skills in getting everyone's attention in whatever he spoke.He

was a very jolly person,so so full of life,such a great comedian,always cracking up jokes,was great at public speaking and at drama.He was so much of the person i ever wanted to

be,and still I knew I was so less of what he was.He was my classmate.It took me no time to fall in love with him.I never had any guy friends,but luckily this guy used to talk to me at

times and that made me so happy.Slowly,we became kind of friends.It was on his birthday,when he invited only his best friand and me that i came to know that he considered me

one of his best friends.This made me so very happy.Though the party was cancelled later,I got him a gift,a cute small teddy.He gave me a card on my birtdhday,a kind of card meant

to be given to a special friend.I was falling in love with him more and more with each passing day.We would generally go to school and tuitions together on our bicycles if we met on

the way and he would keep talking.I liked him so much.We were sort of competitors in class for the first rank,but I always wanted him to be first.I always wanted his happiness before

mine.I was his good friend and his secret lover.He told me of an ex-classmate on whom he had crush and considered her to be his best friend.I was crushed but still continued to give

him my love through my friendship.Then school got over and I moved to some other town.I never went to my hometown after that,but we continued to talk on call on weekends.I

was in a hostel now,and I didnt like the new place,so far from him.The only thing I had, to look forward to in my life was our weekly calls.I was still as usual a bit shy to talk openly to

him,as he was the only guy friend I had and was my crush too.Then one year later,he started texting me and we started chatting each night about ourselves and our lives.He

expressed to me in a very sentimental way,how much i meant to me and that he loved me a lot.I knew this was not the love i was wishng for,but just a friendly one.But even that

meant a lot to me.He told me of some problem he and his crush had and told that they are no more in contact.He started sending me love you with good night and also used to told

me that he considered me as his special half.He loved me a lot,though he told it was just friendly,but i was very happy.Then he moved to some other town and joined college.Here he

could find more time for me and we chatted 24/7.We became very close in a very few days now.I learnt how great a fun it was to tease him for silly things.We used to tease each

other a lot,used to get so happy for each others happiness,used to be there for each other at each adversity.He really had become my special half,without whom I couldnt imagine a

life.Then one day he told me that he would like to get committed with me in 2 years,and wanted my response.I told him that I would love to.But then after 2 days,i got so emotional

and told him that i loved him so much.We chatted whole night and by morning,he knew that i had an age old crush on him.Not only that,we were each other's now.Yes,finally he was

my boyfriend.He had told me earlier that if his parents dont agree ( as arranged marriage is the tradition),then he wont marry me,but will always be there for me as my best friend.I

wanted so much to spend my whole life with him,to grow old with him,I thought we will see all that later and lets enjoy the present.Slowly,our love as a couple increased to such a

great extent that I never thought existed in the world.We had our fights,infact all by me..But we sorted them each time.We now knew we couldnt live without each other.He was my

life.I prayed to God that if ever he had to depart htis world,then i would go with him too.I always wanted to be with him,wherever he was.Though it was a long distance relationship

and i missed his physical presence at times,still the all day messages,calls and video calls made him the closest person i had in my life.I sent him gift on our 1st valentines day.He was

so happy,he sent me too.We were planning to meet soon.This was our 2nd valentines day and he was so happy to get my gifts.He wanted to give them to his mom and sis when he

would go home.I was happy as i loved them.I had told him to give my gift only when it was financially possible for him and was waiting for that.I was so much looking forward to

meet him soon.He was about to go home and was very excited.Then suddenly one evening,when I was at home,I got a call that he drowned in a river and his body is being

searched.I was devastated but people told me there was hope.I prayed whole night for him,i was in terrible condition.Next evening,I got the news that his body was found.I couldnt

believe that all this was happening to me.I wanted very badly to talk to him.I cant describe my emotions of that time.I felt a part of mine was chopped off and detached forever from

me.He was like the very air I breathed.He was my everything.I couldnt believe how I was living if he was dead.I wanted to go to him,to take him in my lap and love him endlessly.I

wanted to keep telling him how much i loved him.He was just 21.And he was a very sweet,very compassionate and understandng human being.Everyone was his fan,no one could

believe how God could be so cruel.We had plans of getting married.We told each other that we were soulmates.And in a day,my life was taken so away from me.I dont even know

where my sweetheart is,whether he is happy or not.Whether he misses me,does he need me.All of a sudden my life was over.All my dreams became painful to me,so did all

memories.I cant believe I havent talked to him for 16 days now.I will keep counting the days my entire life i feel.I feel i can never be with anyone else as he was my only soulmate

and this would be cheating.I know I can live my entire life loving him,but sometimes i miss him so badly.I feel bad for whatever happened to him,for not able to do anything for saving

him,for living a life when he is no more.He was the only good friend I had,he was my lifeline..How do I live without him?? At times I just hope that this is a nightmare and that I meet

him soon.At times,I wish I could be dead and be with him again.I cant imagime of a life without him even after all this.He was my life support.I feel terrible and horribly lonely.Though I

have friends,but it cant be that way with anyone else.He was way too special.He was everything I ever wanted in life.I dont enjoy anything in life without him.I love to talk about

him,but my friends change the topic,thinking that its not healthy for me.I just wish somehow I could be with him again...I wonder whether he still loves me or not! Whether he knows

how much I loved him or not! Whether we still are each other's special half or not!!! Whether we always will be together and each other's or not!!

[widower2]

I love to talk about him,but my friends change the topic,thinking that its not healthy for me.

They need to seriously work on their "thinking." Whatever works for you (within reason) is what is healthy. If you want to talk about him, they should oblidge. That's the kind of thing friends do. Maybe you need to make it clearer that you want to talk about him and it helps. They seem to want to pretend like he didn't exist. How foolish.

It amazes me how many people think they have "the" answer on how someone should deal with their grief.

I wonder whether he still loves me or not! Whether he knows how much I loved him or not! Whether we still are each other's special half or not!!! Whether we always will be together and each other's or not!!

I think I can say with confidence that the answer in each case is "yes." That said, you live in diff worlds now, and I also feel confident in thinking he'd want you to realize that for now at least, you aren't together, at least not in the literal physical sense, and so when you are ready, you should get on with your life. That doesn't mean you shouldn't allow yourself to grieve though.

Good luck to you.

[beauty]

Thanks a lot..This has really helped.

[widower2]

Very welcome, glad it helped

[JohnA777]

My sweetheart and true love is in the last days of a fatal illness. And we have a long distance relationship that keeps us from being together physically most of the time.

She told me today to remember that "Heaven is all around us" and that she'll finally get to spend all of that time sitting in my lap playing with my ears the way she has wanted to do for so long.

I truly believe that she will be sitting in my lap soon, and that all I need to do is pay closer attention.

[David1111]

I never knew what attraction really means until i met this guy.He seemed to be an average looking guy at first,but then it won't take much time for anyone to notice his awesome

personality,to get raptured by the cute look in his eyes when he spread his sweet smile,to become a great admirer of his skills in getting everyone's attention in whatever he spoke.He

was a very jolly person,so so full of life,such a great comedian,always cracking up jokes,was great at public speaking and at drama.He was so much of the person i ever wanted to

be,and still I knew I was so less of what he was.He was my classmate.It took me no time to fall in love with him.I never had any guy friends,but luckily this guy used to talk to me at

times and that made me so happy.Slowly,we became kind of friends.It was on his birthday,when he invited only his best friand and me that i came to know that he considered me

one of his best friends.This made me so very happy.Though the party was cancelled later,I got him a gift,a cute small teddy.He gave me a card on my birtdhday,a kind of card meant

to be given to a special friend.I was falling in love with him more and more with each passing day.We would generally go to school and tuitions together on our bicycles if we met on

the way and he would keep talking.I liked him so much.We were sort of competitors in class for the first rank,but I always wanted him to be first.I always wanted his happiness before

mine.I was his good friend and his secret lover.He told me of an ex-classmate on whom he had crush and considered her to be his best friend.I was crushed but still continued to give

him my love through my friendship.Then school got over and I moved to some other town.I never went to my hometown after that,but we continued to talk on call on weekends.I

was in a hostel now,and I didnt like the new place,so far from him.The only thing I had, to look forward to in my life was our weekly calls.I was still as usual a bit shy to talk openly to

him,as he was the only guy friend I had and was my crush too.Then one year later,he started texting me and we started chatting each night about ourselves and our lives.He

expressed to me in a very sentimental way,how much i meant to me and that he loved me a lot.I knew this was not the love i was wishng for,but just a friendly one.But even that

meant a lot to me.He told me of some problem he and his crush had and told that they are no more in contact.He started sending me love you with good night and also used to told

me that he considered me as his special half.He loved me a lot,though he told it was just friendly,but i was very happy.Then he moved to some other town and joined college.Here he

could find more time for me and we chatted 24/7.We became very close in a very few days now.I learnt how great a fun it was to tease him for silly things.We used to tease each

other a lot,used to get so happy for each others happiness,used to be there for each other at each adversity.He really had become my special half,without whom I couldnt imagine a

life.Then one day he told me that he would like to get committed with me in 2 years,and wanted my response.I told him that I would love to.But then after 2 days,i got so emotional

and told him that i loved him so much.We chatted whole night and by morning,he knew that i had an age old crush on him.Not only that,we were each other's now.Yes,finally he was

my boyfriend.He had told me earlier that if his parents dont agree ( as arranged marriage is the tradition),then he wont marry me,but will always be there for me as my best friend.I

wanted so much to spend my whole life with him,to grow old with him,I thought we will see all that later and lets enjoy the present.Slowly,our love as a couple increased to such a

great extent that I never thought existed in the world.We had our fights,infact all by me..But we sorted them each time.We now knew we couldnt live without each other.He was my

life.I prayed to God that if ever he had to depart htis world,then i would go with him too.I always wanted to be with him,wherever he was.Though it was a long distance relationship

and i missed his physical presence at times,still the all day messages,calls and video calls made him the closest person i had in my life.I sent him gift on our 1st valentines day.He was

so happy,he sent me too.We were planning to meet soon.This was our 2nd valentines day and he was so happy to get my gifts.He wanted to give them to his mom and sis when he

would go home.I was happy as i loved them.I had told him to give my gift only when it was financially possible for him and was waiting for that.I was so much looking forward to

meet him soon.He was about to go home and was very excited.Then suddenly one evening,when I was at home,I got a call that he drowned in a river and his body is being

searched.I was devastated but people told me there was hope.I prayed whole night for him,i was in terrible condition.Next evening,I got the news that his body was found.I couldnt

believe that all this was happening to me.I wanted very badly to talk to him.I cant describe my emotions of that time.I felt a part of mine was chopped off and detached forever from

me.He was like the very air I breathed.He was my everything.I couldnt believe how I was living if he was dead.I wanted to go to him,to take him in my lap and love him endlessly.I

wanted to keep telling him how much i loved him.He was just 21.And he was a very sweet,very compassionate and understandng human being.Everyone was his fan,no one could

believe how God could be so cruel.We had plans of getting married.We told each other that we were soulmates.And in a day,my life was taken so away from me.I dont even know

where my sweetheart is,whether he is happy or not.Whether he misses me,does he need me.All of a sudden my life was over.All my dreams became painful to me,so did all

memories.I cant believe I havent talked to him for 16 days now.I will keep counting the days my entire life i feel.I feel i can never be with anyone else as he was my only soulmate

and this would be cheating.I know I can live my entire life loving him,but sometimes i miss him so badly.I feel bad for whatever happened to him,for not able to do anything for saving

him,for living a life when he is no more.He was the only good friend I had,he was my lifeline..How do I live without him?? At times I just hope that this is a nightmare and that I meet

him soon.At times,I wish I could be dead and be with him again.I cant imagime of a life without him even after all this.He was my life support.I feel terrible and horribly lonely.Though I

have friends,but it cant be that way with anyone else.He was way too special.He was everything I ever wanted in life.I dont enjoy anything in life without him.I love to talk about

him,but my friends change the topic,thinking that its not healthy for me.I just wish somehow I could be with him again...I wonder whether he still loves me or not! Whether he knows

how much I loved him or not! Whether we still are each other's special half or not!!! Whether we always will be together and each other's or not!!

I am so so sorry,i am feeling the exact same feelings right now! My wife died suddenly and tragically,the police at the door,i am forever changed.I question all you do,read constantly on spiritualism,Buddhism,religion,NDE experiences,science etc,seeking some answer and if there is a chance i will be with her again,it hurts so so deep,and the big heavy black curtains draw a little and

[beauty]

My sweetheart and true love is in the last days of a fatal illness. And we have a long distance relationship that keeps us from being together physically most of the time.

She told me today to remember that "Heaven is all around us" and that she'll finally get to spend all of that time sitting in my lap playing with my ears the way she has wanted to do for so long.

I truly believe that she will be sitting in my lap soon, and that all I need to do is pay closer attention.

ya,she will always be with you..in her own special ways.i am so sorry that we all have to go through this.life will never be same again and we will never be same again.i hope my boyfriend is with me too the way you described about your love.

[beauty]

I am so so sorry,i am feeling the exact same feelings right now! My wife died suddenly and tragically,the police at the door,i am forever changed.I question all you do,read constantly on spiritualism,Buddhism,religion,NDE experiences,science etc,seeking some answer and if there is a chance i will be with her again,it hurts so so deep,and the big heavy black curtains draw a little and

its tragic that you have to go through this.i am sorry for your loss.we can be filled with so many questions and doubts after such a heart wrenching experience.why just we? why our loved one was not given a long life? the very essence of life seems to have lost and we cant find peace in anything.while the world goes on living their normal lives,we are stuck in the unending pain,not able to move on in life.i too have been reading a lot lately in search of some relief.the whole belief system about life is changed.what adds to the problem is that we have no clue what happens to our dead loved ones.whether they are in a better place or not,or whether they have completely ceased to exist.if only i could know that my sweetheart is happy and whatever happened wasnt that bad for him afterall,i could have been a lot more peaceful.it hurts badly to think of the dreams we had.but then,slowly with time,we have to learn to live this new life..the one without our loved one,but with their memories..we have to learn to smile again and with every smile,we have to remember how happy they would be for each and every smiles of us.its been 3 months now,and still i miss him badly.and slowly its sinking in me now,that he really is gone forever..it will take time,but we will have to get better.hope we all meet our loved one soon when its our time to go from here.take care.