Members jackzedstarchild Posted March 17, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 Hello all, I'm Jack. I found this forum completely by accident but I feel I belong here. Nearly two years ago, on 29 March 2010, my wife Avis passed away, at the age of 35. Unfortunately I was not there in her final moments and only learned of it later that day, although I sat bolt upright in bed, unable to sleep, at 3 am that morning which is when it happened. It's not just bad enough that she's gone and so young (although she outlived virtually all doctor's predictions), but that I was not there at the end, we were separated at the time and we never had a chance to reconcile. After all this time I still don't know how to take this, how to handle it, what to tell myself, or what to do--if anything actually even could make any sort of a difference. She was a lovely, beautiful, sweet-natured, sharp lady who'd give you of a heart so large and pure, it's a wonder it fit in her tiny body. Some people have told me I extended her life by falling in love with and marrying her years ago, and I know she saved mine. But I simply cannot forgive myself for walking away from here, even if I wasn't in my right mind (I'd had a breakdown, suicide attempts, in and out of hospitals, shelters, etc, substance abuse related, hopped all over the country, tried to get together with other women later on). What do I do? Is there anything that can make this easier? Do I deserve to torment myself for how things went? What could she be thinking from the afterlife? How can anyone even guess? I just don't know what to say or do anymore and any insight would be appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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