Members mrsduc Posted March 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 Just like I thought in the begin that people that I know are tired of me talking about Robert and being sad. They tell me that they don't know what to do for me and that they just want me to move on. How in the world can the outside world (people who have never lost a child) that I am not able to move on in the way that they want me too. They have told me that they miss the old me and they want her back. I can't be that person anymore. I would be stupid if I thought I could. My son is gone, my best friend who was someone I admired and when my husband last year was in the worst motorcycle accident and I was recovering from surgery myself, it was Robert who helped me get through it all. Even though he was 2000 miles away he called many many times during the day to see how I was doing and let me vent and cry and he cried with me. I have lost all that and more. There is no one like or even close to my son in that I have no one that close to me that I can talk to. Yes I can talk to my husband but like he told me he really does not understand what I am going through because he has never lost a child. So now I feel like I have to hide my thoughts and pain and put on this fake face in public. I have started writing in a journal after Robert died, so that is where I write and scream and cry in. I feel like it is my Robert journal and that I am writing to him. For most every time I start to write I start it with "Hey Robert this is whats going on today". But it seems to be one of my outlets to try and get thru this new life that I don't want to be on. I have started walking with my chihuahuas in their stroller. I put my headphones on and just walk and don't try to think about anything but walking. I only listen to up lifting songs and only sons that me and Robert didn't listen to or sing together. But Robert is never out of my thoughts. I have decided that for his birthday this year (which is July 17th) my husband and I are going back to California and going to the beach where Robert loved and just have a great day at the beach celebrating Robert and his birthday and his life. I am kind of second guessing myself whether this is something that I really should be doing, but I just feel the need to do it. I know it is crazy thing to do. I am also taking my birth sister who I found in Sept. of 2000 and we have become good friends. She is the only sibling out of 17 that wants me in their life unless I am buying them something. I am tired of people expecting me to be happy and back to my old self, when they have no idea what I am going threw and how I feel since everyone that says this to me has their kids alive. I know I sound bitter I guess I am just lonely and frustrated that everyone seems to want me to stop talking about my son and I am not able to do that. So I talk about it in my journal and i talk to Robert in the middle of the night. Thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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