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It's almost been a year, and yet no time at all!


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It's been just over 9 months since I lost my 3 year old son (he lived just 3 years, 9 months, and 10 days). He has a twin sister, and was special needs. I love my daughter so much, but I've been looking at her since the day the twins were born and thinking "Micah (my son) should be doing these things too". He never walked or talked. I'm grateful that she is so amazing, but I can't help but wonder what things would have been like if they were BOTH healthy. I feel like the world passed my baby boy by when he was alive, and it just keeps going in his death. His life seemed so short, and yet these last 9 months have been the longest of my life. Time and love are funny that way. Enough is never really enough, and yet so little seems to carry the weight of the world. How does that happen? How does that even begin to make sense? I'm not sure how much sense I'm making, or if anyone else feels the same. I just needed to throw these thoughts out into the ether and hope some tiny bit of understanding will float back my way.

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Hi Micah's Mommy,

Please accept my deep condolences for your loss. There are no words really to express the loss of a child, but one psychiatrist put it this way, "when your parent dies, you have lost your past. When your child dies, you have lost your future". The distress and emotional pain that follow can be beyond description, but I'm sure you know that firsthand.

For those of us who have endured the loss of a loved one have suffered a great hurt. The need to cry and mourn will be ever-present until the death can be accepted. The length of this grieving process varies wildly though from person to person, some come to terms fairly soon, others it takes a year or more, and yet again, others may never stop grieving.

As you mentioned, time does have a funny way of passing especially when we are watching it. It's very much like watching the pot boil. How wonderful though you were blessed with those three short years that you spent with your beloved Micah. Those are memories I'm sure you will treasure. I'm sure though that no matter what anyone says makes you feel much better. This reminds me of Jacob (in the Bible) who when grieving over the loss of his son, he expected to grieve until the day he died. It says "All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. 'No', he said, 'in mourning will I go down to the grave, to my son.' So his father wept for him." (Genesis 37:35) I think that many of us have felt the pain of our losses so deep that we feel it will never go away, and the truth is that to a degree it really will never go away.

Don't be afraid of your feelings though, as someone else said in another post, release your feelings and this will prove to be helpful. Ride this emotional roller coaster and don't fight it. Try different things like writing about your feelings in a journal, or write to your son what you would like to share with him if he were here. Cry, tears are nothing to be embarrassed about.

All in all, working through grief takes lots of patience. You have now become one who can provide a special source of comfort for those who have suffered the same tragedy as yourself. You can take some time and share your experience and how you have coped or are still coping, this in turn will also be a source of healing for you.

I hope that I have not said anything to offend you in any way. We would love to hear from you.



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