Missing My Best Friend...My Dad

[GreenEyes284]

My Dad was suddenly diagnosed with Stage 4 Stomach Cancer 02/21/11 and passed away on 07/24/11. He lived exactly 5 months and 3 days from his diagnosis. He was 65 years old.

I find that many people's stories are similar, but of course we all grieve differently. My Dad was my best friend and I am realizing that more as each day passes. I miss him terribly and would give anything in the world to have him back in my life...healthy. The shock of his diagnosis was unexplainable to my Mom and I because cancer did not really run in our family. Only 10 years ago he was getting a stent for his heart. Who knew that in 10 years time he would not be here anymore? My Dad was everything to my Mom and I and imagining a world without him hurts terribly. As I've read in these posts, some people are scared that their loved one is "watching" them or sending them signs. I, however welcome all of those if it's true.

What scares me the most is what is yet to come. My life without my Dad feels like it's not worthing living anymore. I am not suicidal by any means. I mean that now when I celebrate a happy moment, he isn't there for me like he used to be. I am only 28 and not married. The thought that my Dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle or say a silly speech makes my heart break. I still have my Mom and I love her dearly, but my Dad and I were like two peas in a pod. I am like him in almost every way, and my Mom reminds me of that often. It doesn't bother me-in fact it makes me feel like I am carrying him around with me.

Recently, I have found myself wanting to reach for the phone to text or call him about something. Suddenly I am reminded he is no longer there. These little instances are the hardest because it's a constant reminder of what I don't have anymore. I have also begun to reflect a lot on the 5 months and 3 days that he lived. Not only is it horrible to see such a strong person become so weak and sick, but for them to be in a tremendous amount of pain is just unbareable. That was how this whole thing started. My Dad's stomach began to get larger no matter how much he tried to diet and exercise. He always had a belly, but now it started to actually bother him physically. He also began to have trouble eating. To make a long story short, my Dad loved to eat. He was poor growing up, so food meant a lot to him. So when watching someone keel over in pain from eating some crackers is hard. When he went to the doctor they found a large tumor in his stomach and when it came back milignant, we knew we had a situation on our hands. Once we got the two opinions, we knew that time was not on our side. They gave my Dad about a year to live, and that day will always stay with me. It's not because I was sad, it was because I put myself in my Dad's place and could not even imagine what he was thinking. What would I do if I had a year to live?

[shellyku]

GreenEyes - I just read your post as I was finding my way to another thread of this website.

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your Dad. Your words touched my heart and I could feel your

pain as I read them. To lose someone who means so much to you is a heartwrenching, difficult

road to travel. I lost my 29 year old daughter in August of 2010 to leukemia. Every moment that

goes by she is on my mind and it hurts. I pray for your healing, and that of your Mom. It will

take time, but you will always carry your dear Dad in your heart. Shelly

[irish1980s]

Hi - I just joined this site today as I am finding it so hard at the moment without my dad & reading your post was like reading my mind. My dad passed last year 16th September 2011 from esophageal cancer, he was diagnosed at the end of Feb 11 and it had spread then too far to do anything other than pallative care. It came like a bolt from the blue, dad LOVED his food, cooking, growing his own veg & he went from that only being able to eat liquidised food in the space of two weeks, it was so hard for him but he never let us see him too down. Although he passed seven months ago, i am finding it so hard the last few days, i miss him so much and keep thinking about his last week in the hospital and i just wish i could see him in his garden enjoying the springtime, i actually feel like i am back at the stage i felt just after he died & i just want to give him a big hug

My Dad was suddenly diagnosed with Stage 4 Stomach Cancer 02/21/11 and passed away on 07/24/11. He lived exactly 5 months and 3 days from his diagnosis. He was 65 years old.

I find that many people's stories are similar, but of course we all grieve differently. My Dad was my best friend and I am realizing that more as each day passes. I miss him terribly and would give anything in the world to have him back in my life...healthy. The shock of his diagnosis was unexplainable to my Mom and I because cancer did not really run in our family. Only 10 years ago he was getting a stent for his heart. Who knew that in 10 years time he would not be here anymore? My Dad was everything to my Mom and I and imagining a world without him hurts terribly. As I've read in these posts, some people are scared that their loved one is "watching" them or sending them signs. I, however welcome all of those if it's true.

What scares me the most is what is yet to come. My life without my Dad feels like it's not worthing living anymore. I am not suicidal by any means. I mean that now when I celebrate a happy moment, he isn't there for me like he used to be. I am only 28 and not married. The thought that my Dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle or say a silly speech makes my heart break. I still have my Mom and I love her dearly, but my Dad and I were like two peas in a pod. I am like him in almost every way, and my Mom reminds me of that often. It doesn't bother me-in fact it makes me feel like I am carrying him around with me.

Recently, I have found myself wanting to reach for the phone to text or call him about something. Suddenly I am reminded he is no longer there. These little instances are the hardest because it's a constant reminder of what I don't have anymore. I have also begun to reflect a lot on the 5 months and 3 days that he lived. Not only is it horrible to see such a strong person become so weak and sick, but for them to be in a tremendous amount of pain is just unbareable. That was how this whole thing started. My Dad's stomach began to get larger no matter how much he tried to diet and exercise. He always had a belly, but now it started to actually bother him physically. He also began to have trouble eating. To make a long story short, my Dad loved to eat. He was poor growing up, so food meant a lot to him. So when watching someone keel over in pain from eating some crackers is hard. When he went to the doctor they found a large tumor in his stomach and when it came back milignant, we knew we had a situation on our hands. Once we got the two opinions, we knew that time was not on our side. They gave my Dad about a year to live, and that day will always stay with me. It's not because I was sad, it was because I put myself in my Dad's place and could not even imagine what he was thinking. What would I do if I had a year to live?

[maria42]

GreenEyes - I am so very sorry for your loss. My dad was the same age as yours and I am just one year older than you and not married. I just wanted to say I feel exactly how you feel. I am also very much like my father and my mother reminds me of it since he is gone. I also have moments when something is happening and I think I should tell my dad and I literally have to remind myself he is not around anymore. I know exactly how it feels. I keep wondering whether my dad knew he was dying, whether he woke up at all and was scared (he died of a heart attack while sleeping) and I start crying no matter where I am. I wish you courage. It will get better with time. That's what everyone says, I so wish it's true cause right now it doesn't seem to be happening for me.

[GreenEyes284]

Thank you all for your lovely words. Although I may not know you, they mean so much. I feel for your losses as well and grieve for those going through the same pain.

Dara