Two weeks today

[chandralynn2012]

Today is the 2 week anniversary of the day that changed my life forever. I got up this morning at 6:20, and realized that 6:50 was coming soon. I sat there on the edge of my bed watching the clock on my phone, and re-played in my head the horrible events of that morning. I have to admit that over the past couple days I have felt better-work distracts me from my thoughts and as long as I am working I seem to do ok. There are certain times of the day that bring the tears-lunch time, as my mom was my lunch buddy when she lived here, then again when I am ready to leave work. Nights are the hardest time to get through-I have my husband and daughter to keep me company, but without constantly keeping my mind busy I am left with an empty feeling, and wind up looking at pictures over and over again, or watching my mom's memorial video. Yesterday at work I printed off the picture that was used in mom's medication record, and put it in my pocket. I carried it around with me all afternoon yesterday, to bed with me last night, and it's in my pocket again this morning. I am looking forward to the weekend- even though I know it will be harder to keep myself distracted, I am ready for rest. You would never expect how much mourning wears you out. I have to take some sort of sleeping pill to fall asleep at night, and lately I have been getting a decent amount of sleep. When I get up though, it still feels like I didn't sleep at all. We are going out of town grocery shopping tomorrow. I haven't been out of town since my mom's funeral, and am very much looking forward to getting away from here-even if it is just for a day. I still feel that I need to have another good cry, but haven't given myself the chance or the time to do so. I'm afraid it's going to come at a time I really don't want it to-out in public, or in front of my daughter. Counting down the hours till I leave work today..

[ModKonnie]

Today is the 2 week anniversary of the day that changed my life forever. I got up this morning at 6:20, and realized that 6:50 was coming soon. I sat there on the edge of my bed watching the clock on my phone, and re-played in my head the horrible events of that morning. I have to admit that over the past couple days I have felt better-work distracts me from my thoughts and as long as I am working I seem to do ok. There are certain times of the day that bring the tears-lunch time, as my mom was my lunch buddy when she lived here, then again when I am ready to leave work. Nights are the hardest time to get through-I have my husband and daughter to keep me company, but without constantly keeping my mind busy I am left with an empty feeling, and wind up looking at pictures over and over again, or watching my mom's memorial video. Yesterday at work I printed off the picture that was used in mom's medication record, and put it in my pocket. I carried it around with me all afternoon yesterday, to bed with me last night, and it's in my pocket again this morning. I am looking forward to the weekend- even though I know it will be harder to keep myself distracted, I am ready for rest. You would never expect how much mourning wears you out. I have to take some sort of sleeping pill to fall asleep at night, and lately I have been getting a decent amount of sleep. When I get up though, it still feels like I didn't sleep at all. We are going out of town grocery shopping tomorrow. I haven't been out of town since my mom's funeral, and am very much looking forward to getting away from here-even if it is just for a day. I still feel that I need to have another good cry, but haven't given myself the chance or the time to do so. I'm afraid it's going to come at a time I really don't want it to-out in public, or in front of my daughter. Counting down the hours till I leave work today..

Chandralynn,

If you feel you need to have another cry--then go for it. Go sit in your closet or lock yourself in the bathroom. I hope you are home by now and resting.

ModKonnie

[debbie8800]

I think you are doing very well considering everything that happened.... Yes many individuals in here are not able to work yet. Me I need to get back to work as possible. Mom and i were extremly close like you were to yours.

My kids are gone and i am the only one so its hard on me.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am getting ready to highlight my hair, anything to keep my mind busy. As the weeks go on you will get better. I cried alot for about 6 weeks.

Will be praying for you.

[AaronB]

Hang in there Chandrlynn,

I'm right there with you. Feel like hell, and in a fog. Been three weeks for me and it feels like I've been in this state of hurt for two years! Time is all out of whack! One thing I really learned is not to fight my grief. We have to go through it, not around it. Good luck and keep us posted, ok?

AaronB