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my oldest son's name is forest. i love him with all my heart


tobyfreefoot

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tobyfreefoot

i still am unsure about how this all works but some of you suggested i go to this forum so here i am. i feel like maybe i can start to talk about my son. his name is forest dayne sharp. he was 28 years old when he was killed july 3rd accompanying his girlfriend ashlie to las vegas to see her father. apparently she fell asleep at the wheel. he must have been asleep also because the car veered off into a rest area and plowed into the back of a parked semi at 67 miles an hour, never swerving or braking. they had to cover my son's face from just below his eyes down. ashlie's father was only able to view her hand. i don't know how he could stand it. i am so lucky because i was able to wrap my arms around my son before having him physically be gone forever. it has been 8 months and i am just crying like crazy while i type this.

i have 3 other children by a different husband though we have been divorced a long time. mainly because he was awful to forest.

my middle son, logan was living with forest and ashlie. they were all in various stages of their education at OU. forest was finishing his thesis. logan was visiting me when the officer came and told me forest was dead. logan told his sister, allison that was the worst part, watching me. every time we went in their house to move their things out he would throw up. we moved him in with my daughter and her husband. she was 4 months pregnant with my first grandchild. logan is pretty reclusive and horribly depressed. he did graduate in dec. but is now drinking half a bottle of vodka a day and not leaving the house. the baby has been a life saver for my daughter. my youngest son, marshall is just now talking to me. i think he couldn't or didn't want to be around me because he doesn't want to feel anything. he and forest were very close and he was going to move in with his brothers in aug. instead he ended up in the dorms and won't talk about forest.

i see i am apparently far enough along in my grief that i ended up telling you about my worries about my other kids. i do feel pretty dead inside but i know my kids need me to try to focus on their needs rather than my own pain. i try to keep it to myself now. i am waiting for it to get warm enough for me to just go lay on forest's grave all day. i know he is only an arm's length away from me there.(unfortunately the night my granddaughter was born there was a bad storm. i went to the cemetery to tell forest he was an uncle and his grave had become a sinkhole. i was out there in the dark, in the pouring rain, laying in the mud trying to reach down and get the flowers and things we had placed at his grave when i realized i was clawing at his vault) somehow i do feel closer to him there even though that doesn't make sense. i figure the dna and atoms are all still there and maybe somehow through quantum physics or something maybe i can connect. i'm just desperate perhaps to have some continuance with him. i can't let him go. it has always been the two of us together through everything. we are so close. one of his professors met me for coffee to tell me he talked about me all the time. he was a social outcast always bullied and beaten up in the small towns we lived in but became a huge force in the oklahoma gaming community and a major influence in tons of kids lives that he befriended and brought out of their shells. kids and parents (even from other countries due to his gaming server) have written to tell me what a difference he made in their lives. a couple hundred kids showed up at his funeral and filled his coffin with video games, fireworks, clothing, jewelry, controllers and anime figures. i was stunned. i had no idea. i put a picture of him on my profile of him when he had just awakened. it is one of my favorites. my other children won't go see a counselor so i am really stressing over them. i just can't lose another child. thanks for letting me run on. gretchen

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Gretchen, I am so heartbroken for you. I have 6 children including my daughter Rachael who died at 22 yo, 4 years ago. She had 4 younger brother and an older sister. Watching the grief and despair that my children went through has been the hardest for me. Not being able to FIX their pain and hurt. A therapist told us that when someone in a family dies, that everyone has to figure out their new place. Rachael was like a 2nd mother to my boys, as well as their sister.  I am so very sorry for your heartache and your pain, and the loss of your precious son. Please come back and talk to us so more. We are here and we care.love,Maddy

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JD's Mom, Becky

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