Members mrsduc Posted March 8, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 The last two days some weird obsession has taken over my mind about Robert. I don't understand it, and some tell me it might be a sign from God. I don't know but wanted to share this with you. I was put in the hospital when I was carrying Robert on the 4th of July and he was born on the 17th. He died on the 4th of Jan. and was found on the 17th. I think that is very strange to me. But then my brain went even further. I added up the 4 and the 7 and got 11 which is the day that his brother Tom was born on and then I added 4 and 17 and got 21 and that is his brother Christopher's birthday. Also the 11 is the month of my birthday. Now he was born in the 7th month and died in the 1st month and that adds up to 8 which is his father's birthday. I just don't think it means anything, but just seems so strange to me. And cannot figure out why my brain has decided to figure all this out. I am not that type of person. I was thoroughly obsessed after I found out Robert was dead in going to CA and cleaning his apartment then going back again for the memorial and then the memorial we had in VA. I am trying to find a balance that seems somewhat normal now for me. I just seem to be drifting thru each day. I am not a zombie so to speak but pretty darn close. I eat because I am suppose to, I do laundry because that is what you do. I clean and cook and still try to exercise at least every other day. But I just see everything so differently now. I am trying to find something to hold onto so I feel like I am not going insane. I talk and can laugh with my husband and others and listen to others, but my heart is dark. I do not like this new person that I am. Even my husband says I have changed since Robert died. I know that he will never be on this earth again and I know I will never be the same, but I want so badly for some of this pain inside to go away. The nights are so bad for me. I guess because that is when Robert and I would talk alot. I hardly leave my cell phone on anymore. I just don't feel I need one anymore because I had it for Robert to be able to call me without him loosing his minutes. All I do know is that I do not feel any guilt about not telling Robert everyday that I loved him and how proud I was of something he had done. I now have made a point to tell everyone that I care about how I really feel about them for I never want them to leave this earth without them knowing. That is one thing that I have really learned from my sons death. Time is too short and we never know if we will see that person we care about again so I believe to be honest and loving to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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