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Wife died a month ago


KenH

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Wife died a month ago-

Stage IV breast cancer. She was initially DXd in 2002 when she had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. We both retired in 2002 and spent every day we had left together.....almost ten years! We were soul mates in every sense of the word. Ten years, how thankful am I that we made the decision to spend our remaining time together? I'll always be thankful for those years. Then, Dec. 5, 2011, her doctor felt a hard spot on her liver which turned out to be a cancer lesion, metastatic breast cancer. A bone scan revealed lesions on four vertebra, a rib, shoulder, lung, hip and peritoneal sac. She took her shot with the chemo and radiation, but she died after only three chemo treatments (scheduled for 12). It was sudden. I had no idea that that was going to be the day. But, it was. She's gone, I'm here..........what now? One foot in front of the other. Endeavor to persevere.

I will recover...I have no doubt. How long it will take, I do not know. I am 57, retired, and single for the first time in 36 yrs.

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catehundley

Sorry for your loss, i lost my best friend and lover and forever person last month also. Actually one month today, February 7, 2012. 5 years ago was diagnosed with Interstatial lung disease and only help would be lung transplant. Received transplant June 19,2008 and did wonderfully for several years. i will always be grateful for the extra 3 1/2 years we got but the loss is so hard. i am trying to remember all the great 28 years, but find it so hard to believe he wont be there in the morning when i awaken. like you am taking it one day at a time and am sure i will get thruogh each day, they are just so hard right now.

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I am very sorry for your loss, too. Yeah, I guess this is the "hard time" to get through. The sadness hasn't let up much yet, but I suppose that's normal...if there is a normal. People say it gets easier with time, and I hope they're right. Right now, I feel as if I am just surviving, going through the motions of life but not really participating, if that makes any sense. I have no desire to socialize, though I do have friends who are trying to get me out of the house. I spend my time going through things to see where everything is at. My wife took care of so much and knew where it was all at, but I did not. Being alone is hard to get used to, and I find myself going through the same routines we did for so many years, and that only serves to remind me of her.

I don't want to forget, I just want to be able to enjoy life again. I don't know what that will require, and I guess time will define what that is. I sure hope you and I can find out what "that" is so we can move on. I had talked with my wife about what we would do if the other died, and we both agreed that the survivor should do whatever necessary to enjoy the time we had left on this earth. I want to do that, but the sadness I have right now prohibits me from doing much.

Sorry for your loss, i lost my best friend and lover and forever person last month also. Actually one month today, February 7, 2012. 5 years ago was diagnosed with Interstatial lung disease and only help would be lung transplant. Received transplant June 19,2008 and did wonderfully for several years. i will always be grateful for the extra 3 1/2 years we got but the loss is so hard. i am trying to remember all the great 28 years, but find it so hard to believe he wont be there in the morning when i awaken. like you am taking it one day at a time and am sure i will get thruogh each day, they are just so hard right now.

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Very sorry for both of you. No, there really is no "normal." Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel. It will indeed take time and lots of it. Yeah this is experience talking (late last year lost the only love of my life I ever had). Best!

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UBNL: I also lost my spouse, Tim, from cancer. He passed in December. As i have a very full career, I didn't realize how much he really handled everything on the home front even during the year he was suffering from cancer. I come home from work and the silence is deafening. We had just moved to TN for my job and within a couple months, he was diagnosed. So we spend the whole year fighting the battle through surgery, chemo and radiation. As a result, we didn't meet anyone here so I feel really isolated. The people at work think I should be "over this" by now. I'm only 46 and never, ever thought I would be a widow. We had such great plans for our retirement future. We didn't have children, just 2 dogs. If it weren't for those dogs, I would still be curled up in the fetal position.

I just found this site today so I'm hoping this helps me. I am getting counseling and plan to join a local group setting soon. My husband was the extrovert and the social director of our lives. I'm like you, i feel like i'm merely existing, not living.

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edwardy0114

I hurt for you... I've walked a mile in your shoes and I know it's brutal... I am 60 years old and my wife of almost 41 years died November 16th last year from heart attack. 4 months and I still go through the motions of day to day kind of on auto pilot. I suppose it does get better as I am able to talk about how she died without breaking down. It's the small things that we took for granted during our day to day routines that break your heart and rebreak it every time we come across one of those things that we no longer share with our mates and they were indeed our mates. For instance, Kathy and I had different work schedules so she slept a little longer then me in the morning so when I got up to go to work, I never turned on any lights that might disturb her sleep and tried to be quiet as a mouse as she was a light sleeper and once awakened, she was up. Anyway, if I awoke her with lights or noise, there would be hell to pay because she was not a morning person but I if didn't kiss her goodbye, she would know and be hurt the rest of the day. One of he things that I miss dearly, leaving the bathroom light on, enough to find my way to her bedside just to lean over and kiss her temple while she slept and tell her I love you. She would always respond, "I love you too". Then on the way out of the bedroom she would always say, "Have a nice day, I know you will" and then go back to sleep easily. Those sort of things or just her not there beside me in the car going to see the grandkids, unable to hold her hand. Believe me brother, I know your pain and I hope and pray we all can get past this one day. Sufficed it to say, you really aren't alone in what you feel...

Fellow man with broken heart,

Ed

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UBNL: I also lost my spouse, Tim, from cancer. He passed in December. As i have a very full career, I didn't realize how much he really handled everything on the home front even during the year he was suffering from cancer. I come home from work and the silence is deafening. We had just moved to TN for my job and within a couple months, he was diagnosed. So we spend the whole year fighting the battle through surgery, chemo and radiation. As a result, we didn't meet anyone here so I feel really isolated. The people at work think I should be "over this" by now. I'm only 46 and never, ever thought I would be a widow. We had such great plans for our retirement future. We didn't have children, just 2 dogs. If it weren't for those dogs, I would still be curled up in the fetal position.

I just found this site today so I'm hoping this helps me. I am getting counseling and plan to join a local group setting soon. My husband was the extrovert and the social director of our lives. I'm like you, i feel like i'm merely existing, not living.

I feel your pain, my wife of 29 years passed away from breast cancer that metastasized. After being diagnosed in Jan/2012, we battled it until 3 weeks ago on April 2nd, and I've been in a fog since. I guess part of it is It hasn't fully hit me yet.

I guess the best word I could use to describe this whole thing is it really SUCKS!!!!I She was 53 and I'm 47

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My heart goes out to you all.I lost my beautiful wife kristen just over three weeks ago.I know all of your pain,the heart ache and darkness,the wishing you had tried another way,reminders,memories,hopes and dreams all gone now,all past,and the wish of a time machine to even touch and hold them one last time,grief is a pure hell,and a torture of body,mind and spirit.I was changed forever when death came and shook my hand,i am another person now,i do not care about small things,i do not worry,i have no anger(at times for her and her choices),however i see through new eyes and i am seeking ,reading all i can on spirituality.Buddhisim,religions,science etc etc in an effort to validate or reconform my shattered belief system,upon her death all i thought i believed in was swept away with her,now i do not know,and i seek answers and am grasping with hope that i may find something which speaks to my heart and lets me feel that someday some way we will be together again.Grief is a pain so deep and vast,words defy it.All of us here know it and that makes us friends:) Blessing to all in your time of need.

David

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One foot in front of the other is what it comes down to sometimes, especially at first and maybe for a long time. Be gentle with yourself and let yourself feel what you're feeling. Nothing you're feeling is wrong, even if you feel nothing sometimes. Don't always try to be strong (experience speaking), and reach out for help when you need it, even if just to talk about it, like you've done here. This is something you have to feel your way through, step by step. But you're not alone in it, even when you feel you are.

Craig

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