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what a day


debbie8800

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I moved this weekend back to N. Jersey near where i grew up. Another roommate situation, its ok, i guess. Anyway, mom is bburied 4 miles from here also, so went there and cried, it was a tough day, im back to the stage where the british people are on tv with the lovely accents and the grass in the back ground and then my heart opens but my mother is not there and it closes again. Does that make sense?

Then on facebook, everyone with huge families telling me i will be fine, just move on ,etc. please. My mother was my whole world and I was hers, no matter how far apart we were, we spoke almost daily and I was loved more than anything by her. Crying....

I just don't know, I feel so frustrated holding in my emotions all the time. Tommorrow i go for my echocardiogram. yes the heart does have pain when someone dies and it can affect your health. I also went to the health club today....

I hope things fall into place for me. I wanted to say that i was happy in Calif finished my B.A. then wanted to do my masters out there when the call came about mom needing to live with me, so i left and came back to NJ, Now she is gone from me and i am falling apart and trying to find purpose and love without her.

Being an only child is horrifying when the only parent you knew passes away. It makes you question your own existance. There are no sibling to grieve with, so i must keep plugging and praying new friends and loves enter my life. I am right near NY now on the jersey side, with plenty to do around here, but oh so many childhood memories, good ones... so here is hoping... I turned 53 on Feb 19 and I feel like an orphan, minus that proud, scottish mother of mine who interferred with everything i did, lol

I have to write 2 of my cousins a letter.

thanks for listening,

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Wow, it really sounds like we are in quite similar situations. I see my friends and even other family members, and I see the relationships they have with their mothers, and it's just nothing like what I had. It sounds like you and your mother were as close as me and mine were. Again, being an only child allows us to be the only one all the love and attention are heaped onto, it makes the bond different, and then like you said, when this happens, there's only us to deal with these feelings. I'm so sorry.

What I find to be so ridiculous is that I can go through the details of what happened, and relay the whole story of her final weeks to people and be totally fine, but then I'll look at a stupid pillow case or something and instnatly I'm a puddle on the floor. It's the random things that hit you out of nowhere, and it amazes me every time.

I hope that your day gets better. I hope you have a random moment today where you remember something about her that makes you laugh hysterically and smile - those are the best ones aren't they?!

Praying for your strength today.

-Brianne

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yes today was better but oh how i miss her, work, school all of it and then my mind returns to her and her approval and then it keeps hitting me, she is gone. I feel numb.

I want to laugh and enjoy life again but i am scared and don't know where to turn...

I went to the gym tonight it was ok,, here is to hoping things get better.

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