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Another Circle Closed


vetsmom44

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I guess you could call me a "seasoned" survivor of the death of a beloved child. This January, 2012, marked the 37th year of Cathie's passing. She was 11 years old - the older of my two daughters. I am currently the practice manager for a small animal veterinarian [yes - it's that younger 9 yr old daughter!] and learned that a dear client's husband had died. Without thinking about it, my daughter and I made plans to attend the gentleman's viewing. When I asked the staff what funeral home was handling the details, the answer brought back memories of my daughter's viewing/funeral in vivid detail. It was the very same funeral home! I had not been back there since 1975 and was not sure how I would deal with being inside that building again.

As we rebuild our lives from the ashes of a devastating loss, we each reserve [indeed we have earned] the right to choose what we will not subject ourselves to in order to avoid causing ourselves pain. I was watching the Rose Bowl parade when I got the phone call from my daughter's father telling me about the accident that ultimately took her life. Therefore, to this day, I will not watch the Rose Bowl parade! That is my choice and I'm okay with this. Well, as far as I was concerned, I placed going into that funeral home right along side of watching that darn parade! When I mentioned my reservations the staff members at work looked at me like I had grown a major hairy wart on the end of my nose. They were baffled! After all - that had been so long ago they said. What they are blessed in NOT knowing is once a bereaved parent - always a bereaved parent! Time doesn't change that. Only how we choose to deal with it through the passing of days, weeks, and years tends to change. Surviving the loss of my daughter was/is the hardest thing I have ever done. Today I celebrate her life and cherish the memories; but would certainly NOT be going back to that funeral home! Or so I thought. Hmmmm - what is that saying? "Don't ever say never"?

So it seems that life has taken me in a full circle. One of the qualities I think I gained from my loss is compassion. Last night I walked through the doors of that funeral home with compassion in my heart to say good-bye to a sweet man and attempt to pass some strength to his wife as she begins her own journey down the road of bereavement. As I left - with Cathie full in my heart - I realized she had again helped me close and complete another circle in my life.

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davincidanes

Wow - very profound and beautiful story. As a newcomer to this world of grief, I am really touched by this. Thank you.

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Thank you Tali, your words fill me with hope in this darkness that surrounds me. Beautiful story!! I'm so sorry for your loss but congrats. on being a survivior. Hugs and prayers to you. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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I guess you could call me a "seasoned" survivor of the death of a beloved child. This January, 2012, marked the 37th year of Cathie's passing. She was 11 years old - the older of my two daughters. I am currently the practice manager for a small animal veterinarian [yes - it's that younger 9 yr old daughter!] and learned that a dear client's husband had died. Without thinking about it, my daughter and I made plans to attend the gentleman's viewing. When I asked the staff what funeral home was handling the details, the answer brought back memories of my daughter's viewing/funeral in vivid detail. It was the very same funeral home! I had not been back there since 1975 and was not sure how I would deal with being inside that building again.

As we rebuild our lives from the ashes of a devastating loss, we each reserve [indeed we have earned] the right to choose what we will not subject ourselves to in order to avoid causing ourselves pain. I was watching the Rose Bowl parade when I got the phone call from my daughter's father telling me about the accident that ultimately took her life. Therefore, to this day, I will not watch the Rose Bowl parade! That is my choice and I'm okay with this. Well, as far as I was concerned, I placed going into that funeral home right along side of watching that darn parade! When I mentioned my reservations the staff members at work looked at me like I had grown a major hairy wart on the end of my nose. They were baffled! After all - that had been so long ago they said. What they are blessed in NOT knowing is once a bereaved parent - always a bereaved parent! Time doesn't change that. Only how we choose to deal with it through the passing of days, weeks, and years tends to change. Surviving the loss of my daughter was/is the hardest thing I have ever done. Today I celebrate her life and cherish the memories; but would certainly NOT be going back to that funeral home! Or so I thought. Hmmmm - what is that saying? "Don't ever say never"?

So it seems that life has taken me in a full circle. One of the qualities I think I gained from my loss is compassion. Last night I walked through the doors of that funeral home with compassion in my heart to say good-bye to a sweet man and attempt to pass some strength to his wife as she begins her own journey down the road of bereavement. As I left - with Cathie full in my heart - I realized she had again helped me close and complete another circle in my life.

Tali,

I was so moved by your beautiful post. They never do leave us, do they? My own walk down this painful road is only 3 1/2 months long, but my dearest friend lost her little guy almost 30 years ago to leukemia when he was only 7. Helplessly watching her making her way all these years, I was always amazed by her strength and faith.

One thing that never surprises me, is the good our precious ones leave behind.

Robyn

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Dear Robyn, Kevin's Mom and Sean's Mom,

Thank you so very much for your kind and heartwarming responses! As I read through the multiple topics my heart ached to see so many parents [children, relatives, pet owners] that have become new members of what I call "Club Bereaved"! I was hesitant to write anything that might bring painful memories to another person. Then I remembered something I learned through reading and support groups ... what is spoken aloud by one person may be just what another needs to hear [or read] at that moment which will give them enough hope that they too will survive the agony of loss. I look forward to reading more from all of you and sharing my journey also. ... Tali

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Tali - I lost my 16 yr old daughter just over 5 months ago, and I cannot begin to imagine time in the space of 37 yrs. Thank you for sharing this with us. It helps solidify what I know in my heart to be true....it will always be with me, and there will always be those times when Iam confronted with stumbling blocks. I figure that some I will conquer, others I won't, but that's okay. Guessing it just becomes a part of this "new normal"? I was happy to read that you were able to go to the funeral home. Happy too that you were able to carry your Cathie with you as you faced that giant.

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