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Lost My Husband in a Car Accident on 12/20/11


stephg27356

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stephg27356

My beautiful husband, Julian was killed in a car accident December 20, 2011. He was coming home from working in North Dakota. The kids and I were looking forward to seeing him and spending a few short days with him for Christmas before he had to go back to work. The driver (his co-worker) passed a semi and hit a Mack truck head-on. I never thought I'd ever have to go through anything like this in my life time. Julian and I had known each other since 1995 and had been together since 1997. He was my best friend, my soul mate, the best father and I feel so lost without him. Julian was only 33. I'm 40. I always thought I'd leave this world before him. It doesn't seem fair that he was taken so young. He had such big plans for us. He was working so hard. No matter how busy I try to stay or how hard I try to force a smile, I feel like I want to just crumple onto the floor and die.

I feel so alone. I miss him holding me at night as we sleep. I miss his soft kisses. I miss being with him. I miss hearing his voice...his laughter.

I don't really have a question. I have hundreds of questions, really. But I already know the answers and I don't like them. A friend of my mother's lost her husband very young and she called me to "help" me with some words of wisdom. She said after 25 years, it still doesn't get any easier. She sobbed on the phone as if it had just happened yesterday. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I don't think anyone would ever replace Julian. To me, he was one of a kind. He was such a beautiful man - inside and out. So, now what do I do with the rest of my life ?

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Steph, First, I am so sorry to hear about your heartbreaking loss of Julian. We get thrown on this horrible road of grief and there is no way to see it coming most of the time. Questions are part of the journey and answers, at least most of the time, don't seem to come. I can say please don't torture yourself with the why's, Yea, I know, easier said than done. Julian was one of a kind and you will never replace him. No matter what or who life will place in your life Julian will always have a special place in your life and heart. None of us want to be alone, and time will tell what will happen but, for now you have your friends, family,(kids) and now us to help you get back on your feet, or at least your knees. Move forward for yourself and your kids firrst. It'll take a lot of time on your sometimes raw knees and there will be slips back along the way. It's only been 5 months since I lost my oldest son Kevin and it still hurts at times like yesterday. I wonder at times how I'll ever get on with my life, but I will, and so will you. Be kind to yourself and please come back here often to talk, vent, scream, cry, whatever it is you need to do. We'll be right there with you. Hugs and prayers for you and your family as this life-changing journey begins. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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Steph - I want to join Vivian-Kevin's Mom in extending my deepest sympathy in the loss of your Julian. My advice? I give none. The path you walk is yours alone ... but do know you are NOT alone! Re-read what Kevin's Mom wrote many times for her words could not have been put any better! Maybe just knowing we are there, ready to listen, will bring some small comfort or strength. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Tali

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stephg27356

Thank you so much for your kind words. I hadn't anticipated anyone responding to this post. Yesterday was such a bad day. I cried alot. I miss Julian so much. His birthday is coming up March 12. I always made him his favorite dessert and got him a little gift - even though he always said not to do anything for his birthday. Julian was such a sweet, loving man. He lived to make us (his wife and kids) happy. Sometimes I feel as if he feels great sorrow for having to leave us so soon. He was my best friend. I can't bring myself to ask why anymore...

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Steph-I share your pain. I lost my wife of 17yrs to cancer a month ago today. I know what you are feeling. Yeah, I knew beforehand she was probably gonna die from the breast cancer as there is no cure for it, but I didn't know when, so I suspect it wasn't any easier than a car accident. They are gone now. I have been reading grief forums for three nights in a row. I still feel the same pain. I have good times, in fact, most of the time I'm just fine, but it's the evenings......that was our time, so that's when it hits me the hardest. We will heal, it'll just take a while. I belive sharing on these forums helps me. Talking about it helps me.

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Steph, we all ask the "why" question. So hard! I guess it's hard to exept not only our devistating loss but the fact we will never have all the answers. Maybe you can still do a little something, light a candle, make his dessert, write him a letter, ect. I know how hard loosing someone can be and the "firsts" that follow. Kevin's birthday is on March 8th, only a few days away and I don't know what I'll do. I'm having a hard struggle just to stay grounded at the moment. Ubeni, so sorry to hear about your loss. My 28 yrs old son, Kevin left us suddenly 5 moths ago. It was and is very hard. I can't compare lossing someone suddenly to knowing it would happen but I do know, it doesn't matter how or when we lost them, it's all a deep hurt. Sharing our hurt with others is a helpful thing. Your nights will get better and you're right, we'll all keep going. We all learn to continue on, pain and all. Hugs and prayers to you all. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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