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To complete the journey or not?


Mrssumr

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My Mom passed away on January 13th 9 days after being diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to her bone. I am completely heartbroken and have yet to have a day where I have not cried. My Mom was my world really my everything her and my 2 children are tops on my list. I am the youngest of 4 the baby who never really left my Mom's side or nest. Yes I have my own home but I live 3 miles from my parents I have always been close to them and always around. Back in August we booked a trip to Italy for May 2012. My parents have gone many times since 1993 but had not been since 2008 due to my dad's health and financial issues. When we booked this trip it really excited us all. My brother and sister were also going to come. My oldest sister could not but it was very exciting for my Mom to have her children finally see the country she loved so very much. It was something we talked about all the time. 3 days before my Mom passed while in the hospital she said to my sister and I " well I guess were not going to Italy" I told my Mom not to talk like that but of course knew in my heart we were not going. About 5 days after her passing I cancelled the trip. MY brother sister and I were in agreement and at the time I really was not talking to my dad. He's my step dad actually but the only father I have ever had he was with my Mom for 28 years married for 26.Anyway it's been 6 weeks since she passed. My dad has yet to cancel his ticket or my Mom's for that matter. He thinks we should complete the journey and go. My siblings do not want to go for multiple reasons. I really did not want to go either and I am still torn. My dad is not in very good health. He has had 2 knee surgeries will need a partial or full hip replacement at some point and has heart problems. He essentially does not know that he will be OK to travel there in a year which is when I figured we would go. My Mom wants her ashes spread in Italy so this is a major part of this journey. My parents have friends in Italy and we plan to ship a very small amount of ashes there for spreading. It's a very expensive trip which is one issue for me. I have the money and I can do it but this would be my first trip there. My mental state is not good how could I possibly enjoy myself? I feel like I need a sign from my Mom to tell me what to do. On one hand I know my Mom would never not want me to go. She talked to me for 10 years about her wish for me to go that I had to see it. It was going to be our great adventure together and to go without her is something very hard to think about. If I do it's just my dad and me. My husband is not thrilled with the idea. My Mom found so much comfort and peace in Italy I am wondering if the same is possible for me. My dad's thinking is it can't be any worse than the pain and sadness we already feel here.I guess I just need advice. Wait or complete the journey can anyone give me any advice thoughts or input? This trip would be happening about 3 1/2 months after her passing.Thanks so much!

Summer, I know this has to be a hard decision to make. You planned for a family trip and now I'm sure it feels incomplete. No one can tell you what is best for you, you have to follow your heart. The trip could be very good for you and your dad. It could be very healing and I'm sure your mom would be there with you. It sounds to me like she wanted for so long for you to go, no way would she not go in spirit with you. I don't know, as I said, you have to listen to your heart and do what you think is best for you. Hugs and prayers to you and your family. You will make the right choise. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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My father died in April of last year and I took a trip in May that in the beginning seemed futile, but turned out to be very healing. The places brought back fond memories of my father and I was able to get away from the stresses of life and relax a little. And now we are planning a reunion trip this year and I am actually looking forward to it. I think my dad would have liked knowing that. But that is just my personal experience. Your heart will tell you what is best for you. Wishing you peace and hope.

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My mom was cremated and she wanted her ashes scattered near where she grew up and where I was born. We moved from that area to the other side of Canada when I was one and I have never been back there. There is no rush to scatter my mom's ashes, so we will do it when most of the immediate family can go. My aunt will come and will show us around pointing out places that were special to my mom. I think it will be a beautiful trip for all of us and will allow us to heal from our loss. It's a trip my adult children want to go on. It is a chance to give my mom what she wanted and to say goodbye, which we haven't really done yet. I see it as a gift to my mom.

Your family was originally going to go with your mom. Do you think she would want all of you to still go together when the time is right? It doesn't have to be right away. It could be a year from now, 5 years, even 10 years. Allow yourself some time to heal more before making such an important decision. Whatever you decide, I don't think it is something you can undo. I would hate for you to have regrets.

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