Getting Worse with Grief Instead of Better?

[scrambled]

Hi...new here... I just want to say I'm so sorry for everyone on here who has lost a beloved pet. 

I had to put my sweet little dog (17 years) down a month ago. Her name was Pretty. Everything happened so quickly with the last traumatic emergency visit, so many meds, and then the decision to put her down; it was done at home. I'm happy she lived a long life, but I'm starting to see that she really carried me through life. I don't have any kids and it was just her and I all the time, the whole time.  She was like a mother and a baby to me. She was definitely my soul dog.

I just wish I would have held her when they put her down. I did hold her paw the entire time and stayed with her until her last breath. I didn't really know what to do, or know the process. I guess you can always look back, but I'm glad I was there for her.

One regret I have is not getting a baby carriage for her and taking her out more. I saw someone do that once and it looked like a cool idea. We had lost our connection a little during the pandemic with all the anxiety etc. 

I'm at peace with the decision,  but I just miss her so tremendously...coming in the door, it's so empty and vacant. Dinner time is the worst (can't share food with her anymore) and getting grocery deliveries. I would always ask her what she wanted to eat at dinner and we'd make the choice together, always talked to her, and I'd always get her something in the grocery bags to share with her, treats, etc. These are the difficult times. She was so alert up until the end. Always listened to me intently.

I wake up crying a lot and some days, it's just random crying or thoughts of her. Sometimes I'm not even thinking of her and I just break down. 

Work is very difficult to focus on as well. I am not eating that much either and trying to just get through the days. My boss wasn't very nice to me surrounding the days of my dog's death. I'm struggling with this as well.

I've done some craft projects and memorials and I've reached out for help, but as the title says, it's getting worse now. I feel I had to be strong to put her down and the days after were very strange physically. I had health palps for a few days and couldn't calm down.

My family has been mostly supportive, but they think I should get another dog; I'm not nearly ready. They keep asking me how I'm doing, but I can't say I'm feeling much better at this phase.

Thanks for reading.

 

- scrambled

 

 

 

 

[KayC]

17 years is a long time!  I lost my Arlie at 11 1/2 years (cancer), it's the hardest thing in the world.  I am so sorry for your loss.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

It helps to come here and post, read, it helps us know we're heard and understood, and also helps us process our grief.  My heart goes out to you!

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

 

 

[scrambled]

Thank you KayC. It was a long time we had together, and I think it might take some time for me to heal...I'm sorry for your losses as well...

[KayC]

I have never forgotten Arlie, I miss him so bad, it will be the same when Kodie goes, life expectancy is 13-16 years, I hope for the most, of course.  He's 3 1/2 already.   I think I had my hardest time with Arlie than any other dog I've had.  King George (cat) 19 years, Kitty 25 1/2, SO hard!  

I'm sure you're right.  The routines we had are so hard....missing them.

[LuckDragon]

I wish I knew anything I could say that would make you feel better. All I know is it should hurt because we all love our pets. And everyone processes the pain differently and at different speeds 

[scrambled]

Thanks, LuckDragon...I am trying to be patient with myself through the process. It will take as long as it needs to, as you said, at different speeds. We love our pets so much, it is intense...

[KayC]

And once in a great while you get one that has that extra special bond with you, they are all hard, but those, it liked to have killed me!  Thinking of you as you go through this...