My dog has died and life will never be the same

[Danara]

Most people will say he was just a dog, but for me he made my house a home. He greeted me everyday at the door with a smile. When I was sad, he cheered me up. When I was happy he celebrated with me. I loved him, but he loved me more...unconditional love. I'm an introvert, I don't let a lot of people in, no one really knows me, but he loved and accepted me. What hurts the most is he trusted me and I did not see the pain he was in until it was too late. There was no limit to what I would have done to save him. I would have given seven of my years for one more with him because when I go home tonight the house will be quiet. No one will be waiting at the door. My pumpkin, my baby is gone and he has taken a piece of my heart with him. I've always said that those of us with the capacity to love dogs know their lives are short. The years go so fast. Give them the best life because they are the best hello and the saddest good-bye. I was there for him in the end. He died so peacefully with me holding him, singing his name over and over, and telling him to go find Joey. I pray for peace until we meet again. Alex (Pumpkin) 2012-2023.

I am feeling immense guilt about the decision I had to make.  It seemed so rushed and not with my usual vet.  I am having regrets...I hope this will begin to ease.

[KayC]

Oh Hon, I am so sorry!  I totally understand what you are saying, it's what all of us here feel for our dogs, they are literally our world.  My heart goes out to you in your loss, I know it is great.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[LuckDragon]

We all did our very best for our furry loved ones. 

[AJWCat]

Just want to say how sorry I am to read about your loss of sweet Pumpkin. It always seems to happen so fast. Not enough time to process.

Wishing you peace. It's very very difficult. 

[foreverhis]

On 4/21/2023 at 12:52 PM, Danara said:

He died so peacefully with me holding him, singing his name over and over, and telling him to go find Joey. I pray for peace until we meet again. Alex (Pumpkin) 2012-2023.

I'm so sorry you lost your Alex.  It's of scant comfort now, but I truly believe that being there for them, surrounding them with love until their very last breath, is one of the greatest gifts we can give.  I have to admit that I did something like that with my husband John.  When I could see that the end was near, I kept holding his hand and arm.  Then I told him I loved him for the millionth time.  After that I told him it was okay and that "it's time for you to go find Charlie and Penny."  See, Charlie Bear was my soul dog and Penny was his soul cat.  I have to believe that they were waiting at the Rainbow Bridge to welcome him in joyous reunion.  Sometimes that faith was the only thing that got me through the day.

On 4/21/2023 at 12:52 PM, Danara said:

What hurts the most is he trusted me and I did not see the pain he was in until it was too late.

Our animal companions are really good at hiding their physical pain.  I'm guessing it's partly a holdover from before they were domesticated and weakness meant not surviving.  Also, I think that in their own way, they don't want to worry us.  You couldn't have known.

On 4/21/2023 at 12:52 PM, Danara said:

There was no limit to what I would have done to save him. I would have given seven of my years for one more with him

I understand this so much.  What wouldn't we give to have more time. But we have to live knowing that we did the best we could.

On 4/21/2023 at 12:52 PM, Danara said:

I am feeling immense guilt about the decision I had to make.  It seemed so rushed and not with my usual vet.  I am having regrets...I hope this will begin to ease.

That's really hard.  Of course you're having regrets; we all do.  I have heard more than once and even written it myself that it's better to lift them up out of their suffering "a week too early" rather than "one day too late."  Our animal companions live in the now, the present, and so what they're experiencing at any given time is their world.  We humans have the capacity to say, "My pain will get better," and to see down the road.  They do not.  Even though your heart was breaking, you put Alex's needs first.  That is true, unconditional love.

I'm so sorry.  We here know what it is like to be without that one special animal companion we connect with above all others.  Except for losing my John, losing Charlie Bear and then Penny 4 years later were the most painful losses of my life.  Their love is so pure and true.  Some days, I'm not sure we humans deserve it.  And yet...The members here know how special and precious it is, perhaps a glimpse of heaven and an example for how to live our lives.