Grief during tax time

[DWS]

I know tax time is notorious for causing people a lot of grief with their finances but for me, it's turning out to be a different experience. I've always done my tax forms on my own and being self-employed, it means going over receipts and invoices thoroughly from a 12-month period and basically thinking back and re-living those times.

When I calculated my taxes last year, it was a different experience than the one I'm feeling currently. Last year, I was re-living 2021 when my partner Tom was fully alive and grabbing every chance he got to get out on a healthy run and then putting up with my jokes of his sweaty, stinky clothes when he arrived home. Every month of receipts reminded me of the sweet times when he and I were together and certainly intensified the absence of him currently. And now presently, doing my taxes from last year, it's presenting a whole other thing. I'm tallying up receipts and info from the first month and a half when he was here and then the rest have me re-living my times of terrible loss. Some of that is rather disturbing because it's filling in moments that I can't even remember! 

[KayC]

I'm sorry you're having to relive it all...

[Sparky1]

1 hour ago, Gator M said:

I had to pay...that stinks

Yes, me too. Got a nice kick in the butt. 

I also relived memories as I cleaned out drawers and cabinets with old papers, receipts, etc. The last time she took me out for Valentine's, the last time she took me out for my birthday. Just looking at those receipts in disbelief and crying that she is not here anymore. My next painful task is to clean out her clothes in the summer home up north. I've left them the last 2 summers, but they can't stay there forever. I will keep some that I recognize, it's all I have left of her physically. I'm sure you all know how I'm feeling writing this. Why is it so hard? I miss her more than anything, she loved it up there and I pretend to live a 'normal' life when in reality without her there really isn't much of a life.

 

[KayC]

Been nearly 18 years, I still have some of George's stuff.  His fishing vest, his sweaters, his bathrobe, a hat, although I gave away his fishing hat to his best friend, it took me 9 years to let go of it.

[DWS]

Two receipts that I came across yesterday are a bit alarming. They are gas receipts from seven days after Tom's passing. Two receipts at a Shell station same day and time...just ten minutes apart! The first receipt is for a total of $15.17....then ten minutes later, a receipt for $35.00. I don't remember this at all and haven't the slightest idea what went on. They do warn us not to do much driving in those early days of grief. 

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, DWS said:

Two receipts that I came across yesterday are a bit alarming. They are gas receipts from seven days after Tom's passing. Two receipts at a Shell station same day and time...just ten minutes apart! The first receipt is for a total of $15.17....then ten minutes later, a receipt for $35.00. I don't remember this at all and haven't the slightest idea what went on. They do warn us not to do much driving in those early days of grief. 

After my private group yoga yesterday, we all went to a local coffee shop for goodies and, well, coffee.  One of my friends (the one who lost her husband suddenly last August) has a close friend visiting.  The friend lost her husband about 16 months ago.  She is also recovering from a partial knee replacement.  I kind of doubt it was coincidence that when I got to the table, I was seated next to her.  We talked about knees and she was so encouraging and understanding.  Then we talked about the obvious commonality.  Her husband died of cancer, so we had similar "war stories."

At one point, the full table conversation turned to writing travel journals and then journals in general.  My friend's friend mentioned how she started writing down everything she did in a day, from the mundane to the unusual, because she realized that she'd find receipts or notes from phone calls and things like that and have absolutely no memories of events or conversations, that entire days seemed to have simply vanished, so that when her son would ask, "Remember blah, blah, blah," she'd be thinking she was losing her mind.  I mentioned that I started simply writing stream of consciousness of what I was feeling or thinking and that I'd go read it later and also have no memory of it.  Grief brain/brain fog is a real and scary thing, that's for sure.

[RichS]

Yes, I have to admit that for the first time in 42 years, filing a joint return without my wife being there to sign as well was a gut punch.

[KayC]

I filed my own taxes back then, TaxBrain, it was a wonderful site, it had literally encyclopedias of tax help, kept your worksheets for you.  When they merged with another company it was horrible, the other company made errors, did not have those resources, and did not save your worksheets...that's when I went to a tax place.

I also journaled in my early grief, I have since gotten rid of it because I don't want my kids reading it when I'm gone.  I kind of wish I still had them, our brains are muddled back then.

[DMB]

My husband was also self employed and I did the taxes.  He was still working in 2020 up to about the beginning of April so doing that years P&L was killer.  It was so sad, but the income/profit came to literally zero.  It was the first time in years nothing was due.   I also had to look up what to do since he was deceased.  I think I was allowed to file jointly for the last time either that year or maybe it was the following.   Talk about forgetting things, he had a business credit card that I thought I paid, but I guess I didn't pay it in full.  I know I wrote a check. I don't recall ever getting another bill. It was with the same bank we both used.  Interesting enough, this year I get a 1095 in the mail that they discharged the balance which was 1K.  I figure since the date of this form is well after his death then he does not need to report it.  It was in his business name, my name was never on it.

This is the 1st year I e-filed for free as single.  Already got my refund.  It was pretty painless.  I will admit I don't miss all those receipts and invoices.

Since I will be turning 62 this year, I did the earnings test for social security.  What a joke!  They take $1 for every $2 that you make over $21,240. So, my benefit came out to a whooping $200 bucks---ANNUALLY.  LOL

[DMB]

2 minutes ago, Gator M said:

SSI is a JOKE.  Ann worked over 40 years, collected 8 months and died.  They did not take anything out...so not only do I not receive her SS, I had to pay income tax.

 This government does not make it easy (Except for themselves)

It is a joke.   We applied for disability as soon as he was diagnosed stage IV.  He was approved right away, but you have to wait 6 months before getting any $$.  He lived 7 months and received 1 check about 2 weeks before he passed.  I was shocked they didn't pro-rate it and take 2 weeks back!

[KayC]

Soc. Sec. "lost" two year I worked fulltime, we filed taxes with the IRS for those years, they say they didn't report it, never did get straightened out, I figure it cost me over $100/month for life.  Nothing from my husband's soc. sec., I filed on my own.