A year and a half since my loss

[Jen H]

I haven't posted in a long time but the passing of my dear Kitty brought me back.  She is my 5th loss and she was my sweet fluffball for 17 years! Rip Kitty.  

Anyways It's been a year and a half since my biggest loss and the love of my life for 22 years left me.  Left me here with half a heart and all alone.  I can't believe I survived 18 months without him.  I have accepted my life without him but my life is now filled with so much emptiness and sadness and I don't know if it will ever completely go away.  I feel like this is how my life is going to be from now on and I'm only 47.  Mostly because he was the only person I had left and he was my everything.  The person I vented to, the person I got support and advice from, the person who protected me, the person I wanted to be with all the time and did everything with, the person I called to when I needed someone.  I have a couple friends but no close ones and I've lost both parents and my only close childhood friend before him so I'm pretty much on my own.  I just wake up most days feeling so alone and depressed.  I don't know how to make my life happier.  I also find myself worrying and thinking the worst about everything and anything which is causing me bad anxiety.  I've always tended to be like this but he would calm me down or help me through things.  I'm so freaking out about the future lately and everything I need or should be doing or taking care of that it's a daily struggle just to get through the day and actually do these things. I took care of my mom, then him for five years, and now it's time to get my **** together and take care of myself and I really am trying, mostly baby steps, but too much procrastination.  I am trying to calm down, get things done, be positive, and make my life more enjoyable but I feel like I'm making no progress.  I need to be stronger but having no one is a sad lonely life to live.  

I Remember coming here would make me feel better and not feel so alone.  No one else truly understands or really cares that much.  Sorry this is so depressing.  Just needed to vent.  Hope everyone is staying strong! 

[KayC]

And you are welcome here anytime.  I posted to you in loss of your kitty, and my heart goes out to you.  It seems each subsequent loss stirs up all the more emotion.

Multiple Losses

[Brazil Man]

For me it's almost 5 years since her death. I am a little better now, but I comprehend your pain; early grief is really overhelming, but you surely are not alone because here you can share your sadness. Feel free to post whenever you feel like and we will be glad to reply

[RichS]

20 hours ago, Jen H said:

I have a couple friends but no close ones and I've lost both parents and my only close childhood friend before him so I'm pretty much on my own.  I just wake up most days feeling so alone and depressed. I Remember coming here would make me feel better and not feel so alone.  No one else truly understands or really cares that much.  Sorry this is so depressing.  Just needed to vent. 

As you know, on this board you have more friends to share your feelings with (VENT). Also, friends who care and know exactly what you're going through. Don't hesitate to post at any time. Maybe make it a daily thing so you don't feel so alone. Kind of like stopping by and talking to some friends. We're all here for you...........