RIP Axel - You were everything to me; momma loved you!

[bmloveofficial]

April 16, 2023 - My beloved kitty baby Axel died. I made a bad decision to leave the window cracked last night because our AC isn't working right now and he managed to get out. 

He must of got into a fight with another cat or even a dog because he was murdered. I can't state how as it is really hard to even say this much.

I feel so much pain; I can't sleep; my head hurts; I can't stop crying... I feel for my partner because they were the one who found him this morning; I don't think I could handle it if I had came across him

The guilt of leaving the window open is eating away at me. I feel like the dumbest person that ever lived.

Please, if you have tips; words of encouragement; and/or resources to help with grieving the loss of your pet; share it with me. I'd give anything to have him back here.

RIP Axel; momma loved you so so much and you meant the world to me... I'll never forget you my beautiful boy

[KayC]

You are not the first person to have their cat escape through a window.  I know my 140 lb dog used to get through the door when left open an INCH! I never figured that out either.  They are escape artists.

My heart goes out to you...please be compassionate with yourself, there's no way you could have foreseen this.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[bmloveofficial]

15 hours ago, KayC said:

You are not the first person to have their cat escape through a window.  I know my 140 lb dog used to get through the door when left open an INCH! I never figured that out either.  They are escape artists.

My heart goes out to you...please be compassionate with yourself, there's no way you could have foreseen this.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

It was crazy and it feels so weird without him around. I’m sorry for your losses btw. Thank you so much for your reply because it’s what I needed to see. It’s been rough but I know in time I will be able to look back and admire the beauty in the years I spent with him; he was my baby and I loved him dearly… it’s hard not to blame ourselves; if only we did have the ability to foresee and fix things but then again; he’s at peace. I might not like that outcome but I can at least know he is in kitty heaven now 

[KayC]

Sorry it took so long, my post needed approved because of the links in it.

1 hour ago, bmloveofficial said:

I might not like that outcome but I can at least know he is in kitty heaven now 

Yes, my one consolation as well.

[VMac]

@bmloveofficial What a terrible shock for you. I hope you’re doing okay. And your intentions weren’t in any way bad over the window. Cats can also be such incredible escape artists despite one’s best efforts. Mine passed end of Jan this year but I can recall four occasions over the years when I nearly lost him through windows I didn’t watch for a matter of minutes and locked cat flaps that he busted his way through. 

[foreverhis]

On 4/17/2023 at 7:48 AM, bmloveofficial said:

it’s hard not to blame ourselves; if only we did have the ability to foresee and fix things but then again; he’s at peace. I might not like that outcome but I can at least know he is in kitty heaven now 

Welcome.  What you've written here is really important to remember, IMO.  I was so sure I should  have been able to save my soul dog Charlie Bear when he died from a pulmonary embolism and my husband's soul cat Penny when she got intestinal cancer at 17-1/2 and most of all, my wonderful husband John when he died from cancer.  How was it possible, I'd ask myself, that I wasn't good enough or didn't have enough power to save them?  Well, I finally remembered that we are not omnipotent and we cannot know the future.  We can only do the best we can.  That's what you did.  How could possibly have foreseen what would happen? 

I do believe animals go to heaven.  I really do.  I have faith that my Charlie Bear and Penny were waiting for John at the Rainbow Bridge.  And I hope some day, when it's my time, that they will be there to greet me with loving hearts and open arms (and paws).  I rather doubt that the Rainbow Bridge exists in the way our human minds envision it, but that's only because there is so much we cannot know or understand about this vast, mysterious, wondrous universe of ours and what lies beyond this life.  I have faith that what lies ahead is beautiful and glorious, and for now that has to be enough.

I'm so very sorry you lost your sweet Axel.  It's so hard, harder than most people are willing to admit.  Please keep coming here to talk, read, question, and even "scream" or "rant" if that helps.  You are not alone.