Put my dear Kitty to sleep today

[Jen H]

I started posting in loss of spouse year and a half ago because I lost my soulmate.  Haven't been here for awhile but still living day by day with half a heart, depression, and anxiety.  Now I have to deal with the death of my beautiful cat Kitty who I found 16 years ago under my deck with five kittens.  She was matted, super thin, and dirty but still so gorgeous.  We bonded right away.  She was so perfect.  She never scratched my furniture, hardly got any hair in my house even though she was long hair, always came when I called her to come inside, always greeted me at my car or at the door when I came home,  slept between my legs in the winter, and never got sick or injured.  She had gotten pretty old acting this past year with sleeping most of the time, going deaf, and kidney issues but she still could move around rather well, jump, and eat her favorite foods so not too much worry.  However this past month she started drooling and the last few days there was blood and I could tell she was in pain.  She still tried and did eat though.  So made her an appointment today and knew there was a possibility this would be her last day.  Though on the way I thought she probably just had teeth problems and they could make her better.  Then the vet said cancer and my heart sank.  I hate the last memory of her was dying.  Of course I feel guilty but I know it was the best thing to do.  What I really feel guilty about is how she lived her last year and a half.  I found two kittens on the day my boyfriend passed away and she hates other cats and has always been the only pet but I just couldn't get rid of them.  They helped me a lot through my grief.  She basically hid in my daughter's room and hardly had any interaction with me.  The two kittens followed me everywhere so she stopped greeting me and sleeping with me.  My daughter basically took care of her. Especially the last six months or so she had gotten worse with them.  She was terrified of them and was always nervous.  They also would tease and mess with her from time to time because she constantly growled and hissed at them. I always felt so bad she was going through so much stress at her old age.  She was my first baby and I loved her so much.  I'm so sorry I put her through this turmoil.  Very sad so just needed to vent.  Rip Kitty aka Miss Thang!!!

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss, it is very hard to lose our precious animals, we live with them and have our daily interactions with them, we are often triggered by the absence of those daily habits and rituals.  My heart truly goes out to you in your loss, esp. on top of losing your soulmate.

This is very much like what I went through in losing my soulmate in a dog, Arlie, 3 1/2 years ago.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

 

[foreverhis]

I'm so sorry you have to face this compounding grief and loss.  Even though you know it was the right thing for Kitty, your heart is searching for a different answer and a different outcome.  I suspect you know that feeling all too well, but you also know that it won't be any easier this time.

What a wonderful thing you did, finding her, loving her, and giving her a rich, full life together.  My heart is hurting for you tonight.  Rest assured that Kitty is at peace and will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge (if you believe in such things; I do).((HUGS))

[VMac]

@Jen H I’m so sorry you’ve lost your sweet kitty 😢. You sound like a kind hearted person who just wants to help animals so that’s why you kept the kittens but it also sounds like your kitty kept them in their place with her growling. Someone helpfully reminded me recently that none of us have crystal balls & so can’t know exactly how things will pan out. It’s easy (and horrible) to beat yourself up with hindsight bias. It’s lovely your daughter was able to help out. Mine also slept a lot as he faded. The final stretch was over about 3-4 months but when I think about it, his last 18 months were downhill. From my experience the changes/ signs were so subtle they were easy to miss and explained by other things like winter, slowing down etc.