New to the group.

[Blue Mom]

I lost my son March 28. He was a 36-yr-old police officer in Huntsville, Alabama. He was murdered by a criminal out on a low bail for shooting two other people last year, plus picked up four days prior to my son’s shooting on gun possession charges and released on bail again.  I have no idea how to grieve. I have moments of grief, moments of disbelief, moments of anger and moments of terror. I know we will have to relive this nightmare again when the perpetrator goes on trial. 

[John Stewart]

Greetings Blue Mom.

I just joined the group and I was moved by your post as I am a retired California Police LT of 24 years.  I am sorry this happened to him and to your family and my heart goes out to all of you.

 I lost my oldest son (18yo) on 5/6/16 to a distracted FEDEX Driver. I will have to make a separate post to describe how that occurred as I think that will help me on my grief journey. Yes, I call it a journey because it is a long, long road, for me at least.  It took two years before the driver  that took his life went to jail for his actions.

I didn't deal with the loss very well and it has been challenging to get back to some form of normalcy for sure. It caused my retirement and it was tough to find another career as law enforcement is all I knew. I'm not very good at giving advice, but all I can tell you is to just take each day one at a time and don't sweat the small things. Know that you are not alone and don't be afraid to lean on your family and friends like I was. Take care of yourself and talk about it.  I talk about my son all the time. It helps me.

-John

 

[Blue Mom]

Right now it hurts no matter what I do. Work is difficult. I’m in a fog of grief.  We meet with the prosecutor later this week. I don’t think my heart is ready for this. It’s a nightmare. 
 

I’m so sorry about your son. You are in my prayers. 

[My girl is in heaven]

Blue moon and John Stewart…I am so sorry for the loss of your precious sons.  I lost my 17 yr old daughter almost 12 yrs ago so I know the path you walk.  And yes it sure does affect your job and every other aspect of your life.  We need to give our worn out hearts a break sometimes, just let ourselves be, whatever the moment is right in front of us.  If you don’t think you can get yourself thru a day, then just break it down into smaller chunks, maybe just concentrate on an hour at a time, then the next hour, and so on.  Sometimes you just need to tell your story, over and over, until you get it all out.  You’ll know when you don’t feel the need to keep telling it anymore.  Don’t let anyone tell tell you what you should be doing, or saying or thinking..it is your grief and you know best how you need to express or not express it ……there is no handbook on what to do when you lose a child…but know there is no rights or wrongs….only what is right for you.  You can’t run or hide from your grief, it will always find you,  …. you need to face it head on…..and that takes away the power it has over you .  You will find light, hope and happiness in your life again, even if you don’t think that is possible right now.  Remember while you do have to face your grief, you never have to do so alone.  Reach out to me anytime , I know the sadness that fills you and I will be here for you.  Luanne