Another Memorial Over With

[mrsduc]

Well made it through the memorial that was done by my ex and his family. All their side was there. If my girlfriend and her mother (who is a minister) and my husband hadn't come no one would of talked or conforted me. I heard whispers and people looking at me like how dare I come. The minister spoke only how much he loved his grandmother and talked about things he adored doing with her. Then he talked about how my sonRobert loved his siblings and how he was happy that his father and him were trying to build a relationship. But my name was never mentioned. But of course most of the stuff was written by my ex mother-in-law. Then my youngest son desides that he wants to talk to me after the service alone with his wife (who know one can stand) and he said that he would like to try and get to know me slowly and then maybe one day we can be mother and son. Well I immediately told him that we are mother and son and always will be and there was nothing that could change that. Then his wife decides to say real nastily well we have decided that we will give you one more chance. I was stunned and kind of pissed that they decided to take this time to do this. Well I looked at both of them and tears running down my face said I can't not and will take you coming in and leaving my life it tears my heart to peices and if you really want to be in my life and me in yours then it had to be and if I know that its only going to be once a year then I know that. But I can't be afraid to say something to him and then he leave my life again and not talk to me. I was not a happy person with my son right at this moment. Then he took that same moment to inform me that one of my dogs that they had taken when my husband was in the really bad motorcycle trike accident and was clinging to life and I was healing from sugery. So my youngest son and his wife agreed to take my two chihuahuas until we could take them back. When I went to take them back they refused to give them to me and he decided then that I could not be allowed in my unborn granddaughters life. Well so he decide to pick of all days to tell me that one of my dogs that he would not give back to me had died last week. Now anyone who knew me, knew my dogs were more than dogs then were my children. Apparently she had been died for over a week. My husband went to both my other living boys and told them how hard it has hit me and it sure would be nice to call her and help her thru this. But my husband and I know that this will never happen. Now I am so depressed and drained. Now what. I know I am suppose to move on and keep my thoughts inside because people get tired of hearing about it and things in this life to them is so much more important then their mother or their friend hurting for her dead son. So I am feeling like now what. My heart can't heal just like that because life tells me to move on. I will never be the same again. I know that. I think alot of you know what I mean. When your child who you loved and carried and gave birth and grew up and saw the kind of person they were as an adult or as a child or baby you just can't turn off a broken heart anytime you want. Or atleast I'm not able to. But sure wish I could. Thanks for all listening again to me.

Proud that I was Robert's Mom