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My sister died a month ago, before we were able to mend our relationship


Christine95

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Christine95

My sister passed away of a drug overdose after being 6 years sober. I’m still processing the fact that she is no longer alive, I haven’t even begun to process the cause of her death. I was so proud of her for being sober for so long. 
         The last couple of months she was alive were probably the worst months of her life. Her and her fiancé broke up, and their lease was up so in December she had no where to live, broke up with her fiancé, lost her job and her car broke down all within a month.  My sister was the type of person who made things harder for herself and always burned bridges. So I wasn’t surprised when she quit her job and started drinking pretty heavily. 
     For about two weeks in December she stayed at our moms house (where I still live) she was sleeping on the couch and was miserable. She ended up getting into a huge fight with my mom about something stupid, I feel like she just wanted a reason to leave.  She always sabotaged herself. Our house wasn’t perfect, she felt above us and couldn’t believe she was sleeping on her mothers couch the week before Christmas. 
      So after all of that she ended up staying at a friends house, finding a job. I really thought things were going to get better for her. We hadn’t spoke since she fought with my mom. I didn’t want to be involved honestly. Then I didn’t hear from her on Christmas or my birthday.. I was really upset. I didn’t reach out her. I felt like it was her obligation to reach out to me, after all she is my big sister and I didn’t do anything wrong, and now because of my stubbornness I will never be able to talk to her, or to mend our relationship.  
         I recently was looking through her iPad and saw some pretty hurtful things she said about me. It broke me.  I love my sister very much and it kills me to know some of her last thoughts of me and were bad ones. Im grieving her, missing her and so badly want to yell at her.  Maybe I let her down… I could’ve tried harder to be there for her. But she let me down too when she relapsed and died… leaving us all here to suffer.  
This isn’t what she wanted. 

 

if you read all this, thank you. I have no one to talk to, and no one who couldn’t possibly understand the anger, rage, and heartbreak inside me.  

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edgaralanfrog

I wasn’t talking to my little sister like we used to due to her making things up about myself and our mom, and we lived in the same house. She was an alcoholic, and for 7 years I would ignore her, I wouldn’t talk to her, I pretended she didn’t exist because I couldn’t stand the person she was when she drank, and all she did was drink. She would go out of her way to help her friends and would come home and treat our family like garbage. 
 

When she was sick I took care of her, I just didn’t do it like you’d expect a sister to care for another. I would do the minimum, didn’t sit and talk, chit-chat like we used to those 6 years ago, because I didn’t want to be around her and she had so many friends and was always on the phone. I thought, what did she need me for, you know? But I took care of her in the last month and a half before she died, but never treated her like my baby sister. I expected her to get better, I even had a plan in my head that I would mend things for us since her life wasn’t going to last long, but I only got a few hours with her home before she died.

The guilt I feel is immense because I always think if I had just been a “good” sister then maybe she wouldn’t have slowly killed herself with alcohol and being so angry at our family. 
 

my sister was a bit like yours, self sabatoging her life, burning bridges with people, never apologizing, and expecting everyone else to be the bigger person. I’m angry at my sister too, I can’t ask her what the heck her problem was, I can’t ask her what she needed in order to get help, I didn’t reach out like I should have. A bit different from you, I feel like I let my sister down more than she ever let me down. Before she died I was making peace with the fact my sister was never going to be my best friend again, that was all I wanted, and I wish I hadn’t. 
 

At her funeral there was so many pictures and videos of her in recent years with friends and family, and all of us together were over 10 years old. I feel so cheated and mad at my sister for letting addiction suck her down until it was too late to reverse it, but more mad at myself for not just being the bigger person one last time and mending things, apologizing for whatever I had done that made her hate me so much that she had to let strangers, her friends that I didn’t know, know how horrible I was. 
 

I don’t know if you feel the same, but I silently beg to the heavens every single day to turn back time and let me fix it. The hurt she left behind, the hurt that I could’ve prevented, is making our family miserable. And learning how much she helped others, strangers, friends, acquaintances, more than she helped herself is so frustrating and makes me wish I could ask her why. Why was everyone else more important than herself?

I feel your pain and the heartbreak. I lost my sister on the 16th of April; my birthday is the 21st of May, and even though she hadn’t bought me any gifts or cards in years, I know it’ll still hurt to be a year older and she can’t be here with me to even acknowledge it.

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Christine95

Thank you for sharing your story.. I posted mine over a year ago. I’m so sorry for your loss.  I know exactly what it’s like to feel like you not only lost someone you love, you lost the opportunity for things to get better.. lost the hope for one day, have that close sibling bond. I always thought if I was patient enough I would someday be able to have that sister relationship I so desperately wanted. I know now,  no matter how bad things ended, no matter how many fights we had during her life, the love is there and there is NOTHING that can take it away.. even in death I love her so much. And I know in my heart she loved me too.. she just couldn’t even love herself so idk why I expected her to show her love for anyone else. Anyways, thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. 

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