"The Inevitable"

[Minnie006]

People keep saying with time it gets easier. That within time all wounds heal. But not this wound.This one feels different. This one is actually going to leave a big gaping hole in my heart. A hole that will never be filled. I recently lost my mom to liver cancer. Im 25. She was 49. I lost her December 22,2022. Right before Christmas. Right before the New Year. Right before her 50th birthday in Feburary. Losing her, i lost myself. I cant get a grip on life. I'm so afraid i'm failing her. Life isn't the same and will never be. Finding satisfaction in things in life now are so hard. Everything feels off or not to my liking. Waking up everyday and being reminded shes gone is one of the hardest things . Its just so crazy how life goes on. It doesn't stop. It doesn't give you time to grieve and collect your thoughts so that you can understand or even try to understand what just happened. Its like life and death is just inevitable. No matter what, you have to face both. We all living with a time ticking bomb on our chest. The only issue is that we cant see the time. We don't know when life will end. It just ends.

[silvereyes]

Hi Minnie,

My deepest and most sincere condolences for your mother’s death. I am very, very, very sorry for your loss. I'm one generation older than you, I lost mine mid-December 2022 and losing a mom is devastating.  I'm still trying to cope with the loss, and what you write is true, I don't think healing is the right word because the emptiness and pain are indescribable.  

I miss her every day and the grief is still very sharp. One of the things that have started to help is sharing it in here and reading and writing others that are going through the same pain, through this grief.  I hope this helps you too Minnie.  Another thing that helps a little is talking with her, I have a photo on my nightstand table and I talk every day with her, I also write in a journal/diary many of the cherished moments, memories we had together. It is hard  and the amount of time for this pain, no one can say how long it will be...I tell her I miss her and I love her and ask for forgiveness about many things I said or didn't say... Talk to her from your heart and tell her anything you want to.  Your mother may be gone, love, but I am one of those believers, and I believe she is still watching over you. 

[Traz]

Hi Minnie and Silvereyes,

My heart is with you both on the loss of your moms.

Minnie, that is so hard to lose your mom at only 25 and right before Christmas. I am so sorry she passed at such at young age, life can be so cruel.

Today I felt the grief hit out of no where. I was standing doing dishes and looking out the window. It's turning to spring and new life is popping up everywhere - the trees are budding and the birds have been building a nest in our lilac bush... but all I can think of is my mom; how she's not here and I can't share these simple pleasures with her. 

So I came on here, looking for comfort or just to know I'm not alone. And I know I'm not because others are going through it too. The sense of loss and that huge hole in my life is still here almost 4 years later. I don't know what to do with it. I do find comfort in spiritual things (I'm not religious) and I watch a lot of videos on YouTube about the afterlife. It brings me a sense of peace. 

We will always feel that void in our lives with our moms gone, but I know in my heart like Silvereyes, that they are watching over and waiting for us. 

♡ Traz

[silvereyes]

Thank you Traz, I'm very, very sorry.  Those moments definitely come very suddenly, we are calm for a while, a day, a week...and suddenly that feeling of sadness and pain of not having her with us arrives, and the tears will not stop for a while.  Four years, I am truly very sorry. 

Sharing in this forum and as you mentioned videos and sites help comforting and calming the feeling somehow. I'm not very religious , but lately I've been watching videos and mass online, they also help me somehow.  No one ever taught us how to cope with this pain, and it truly is not easy. But we know inside that our moms, and all moms  will always be remembered and greatly missed, and she will always be with you in your heart.

We are surely here grieving together and listening and helping each other.

[Traz]

Thank you Silvereyes, and I send the same sentiments to you ♡ We are all united in grief for our moms, but also in our love for them. 

You're right, no one has ever taught us how to grieve and cope with loss... so we're kind of left to muddle our way through. 

This may sound morbid, but I'm working on a journal to leave to my kids when I die - how to cope, to know that I'll always be with them and other things that I wish my mom could have said to me. I worry about my youngest, who has autism and is less independent than my oldest. 

You hit 50 and you start thinking about this stuff, lol. 

Mother's Day is coming up soon and I know it will be tough on all of us. I'll be keeping everyone in my thoughts ♡

Traz