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Ainslee Grace


jumpbriana13

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Hi everyone..my name is Briana and the reason I've joined this forum is because one month ago my brother and his wife lost their little baby girl. She was only four days old. With everything else my family has gone through this year...this has me feeling like I could run away and just never come back. I feel like a mess inside...I can't stop thinking about her and the things that happened in her few days of life. She's not even my child and I feel that her parents are handling things better than I am!

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Hi everyone..my name is Briana and the reason I've joined this forum is because one month ago my brother and his wife lost their little baby girl. She was only four days old. With everything else my family has gone through this year...this has me feeling like I could run away and just never come back. I feel like a mess inside...I can't stop thinking about her and the things that happened in her few days of life. She's not even my child and I feel that her parents are handling things better than I am!

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Hi Briana,

I am so sorry about the loss of your niece. I am sure you are all heartbroken and devastated. Can you talk about what happened? Was she ill? The loss of a child is always difficult for everyone in the family and family friends. Trying to understand why is even harder, so sometimes we just have to accept that it happens just because (Does that make any sense?). Talking about your feelings is a good way to begin to handle this tragedy. It's okay that you feel so mixed up and messy inside; it's totally okay and certainly understandable. Her parents may not be feeling all that in control; it may just seem that way. It's also okay for you to cry and be angry, and feel guilty and all kinds of other emotions all rolled up into one package.

Do you work? Are you managing to sleep or eat? What about any type of exercise--like walking?

We are glad you decided to come here to talk. We will be here to listen.

ModKonnie

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Hi Briana,

I am so sorry about the loss of your niece. I am sure you are all heartbroken and devastated. Can you talk about what happened? Was she ill? The loss of a child is always difficult for everyone in the family and family friends. Trying to understand why is even harder, so sometimes we just have to accept that it happens just because (Does that make any sense?). Talking about your feelings is a good way to begin to handle this tragedy. It's okay that you feel so mixed up and messy inside; it's totally okay and certainly understandable. Her parents may not be feeling all that in control; it may just seem that way. It's also okay for you to cry and be angry, and feel guilty and all kinds of other emotions all rolled up into one package.

Do you work? Are you managing to sleep or eat? What about any type of exercise--like walking?

We are glad you decided to come here to talk. We will be here to listen.

ModKonnie

Hi Konnie,

Thank you for your reply :) Yes I would like to talk about it lol I am 26 years old and currently a stay at home mom for the last year and almost a half. I have a 3 year old daughter..who keeps me on my toes. lol Sleeping..having a hard time falling asleep but thankfully my husband (if his schedule allows it) lets me sleep in. Before quitting work..I always worked nights..my body is still used to being up late and sleeping later..and I would do breakfast, skip lunch since usually I was heading to work..and then do dinner at work and usually a snack later on..and that really hasn't changed. I recently started beginners yoga lol Since giving birth..and then following that I had a DVT from my right hip down to below my knee cap..I have had problems with my right hip. I used to see a chiropractor but it's gotten a little expensive. Someone suggested yoga..so I figured I'd give it a try. Before I begin. . there are some parts to the story that I feel...if it was changed just a little..she would still be here..I think that's why I feel so angry still. She died from bacterial meningitis and sepsis. Her mother was tested at 34 weeks for GBS and came back positive. (I don't know how much you know about GBS..but everyone woman is tested for GBS..a bacteria most woman carry in the vagina, intestines, and anal area. If positive, the woman is given antibiotics during delivery to prevent it passing to the baby. If you want to know more information or know anyone that wants more information I will be happy to share..as I have done a lot of research on this since her death.) Anyway, the mother went into labor that same week at 34 weeks and antibiotics were given but the labor stopped. Then at 37 weeks she went into labor and delivered and antibiotics were not given again. I was not at the hospital for delivery so I honestly don't know why they weren't given again. My mother and I had plans to drive down to meet Ainslee Monday..we live about 2 hours away. So, she gave birth Friday afternoon..and then mother and baby were released TO GO HOME Saturday afternoon the 21st. Saturday night, my brother called me saying Ainslee was crying a lot and wanted to know if I had suggestions. My daughter was colic when she was born..so my husband and I had some experience! Well, later on my brother said that she wasn't eating and keep stiffing her body so they were having the doctor come by to check her out. (They live in a small close nit town) As far as I know the doctor didn't seem to think anything was wrong with her. But late Saturday night/early Sunday morning they ended up taking her to the hospital. They couldn't do anything for her there so they flew her up to the Kansas City Children's Mercy Hospital..which is only a 40 min drive for me. My mother and I met them there..where I got to meet that little angel. I was not ever expecting to meet her in this way..hooked up to machines..and wires all over and her little body shaking. That's when they told us they believed she was having seizures..caused from the bacterial meningitis. When we got ready to leave that day they were putting in a breathing tube to help her breathe. That next morning I got a phone call from my mother saying my brother had called and the doctors said Ainslee wasn't gonna make it..she had no brain activity. I had to pick up my mother from work..there was no way she could drive herself..and my father who is a fuel truck driver in the middle of his load..I had to pick him up and get us to the hospital. This is all so very unreal to me...I have never been with someone while they are passing and it was just unexpected. But before they took her breathing tubes out, we got to hold her. I couldn't say the words out loud to her but in my mind I was telling her how sorry I was and how much I loved her and how sorry I was no one else got to meet her. Then we went into this private room they had set up for us and my brother and his wife come in with Ainslee. They let myself, my mother & father (who just divorced almost a year ago now), and her mother sit with them until Ainslee took her last breathe. She fought for an hour and ten minutes to stay here with us. To watch my brother lay next to his child and whisper words of encouragement into her ear..my heart breaks every time I picture it. But yet I am so proud of him. They had her funeral on the 28th and I am going to attach the speech my brother gave for her. Him and his wife are 20 years old..only together for about a month then found out about Ainslee...they got married in November. And I also added a picture of the little angel Ainslee Grace.

Ainslee Grace.doc

post-298261-0-78360300-1330457796_thumb.

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Hi Briana,

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through something so painful like this. You seem to be overall a happy person, in fact, I think you and I would be good friends given the right circumstances since we have so much in common. :-) I'm 28 and also a stay at home mom of a 1-1/2yr old who is so precious and such a blessing. It is because of this, I think, that we both feel the same way about your brother's loss. The pain that results from a child's passing is so deep that a doctor once said, "The death of a child is usually more tragic and traumatic than the death of an older person because a child is the last person in the family expected to die. The death of any child represents the loss of future dreams, relationships, and experiences that have not yet been enjoyed."

I read his words, they were so touching. So much love and so much pain at the same time. I also agree with him though about well-meaning people who say that she's in a better place, but there is no better place than his arms. Some people also say that God needed another angel but neither of those sound reasonable to me. How about you? This would actually imply that God is unfeeling and cruel, but the Bible tells us otherwise. Job 34:10 says, "Therefore, you men of heart, listen to me. Far be it from the true God to act wickedly, and the Almighty to act unjustly!" Just like a human parent would not take away a child to make his own family larger, God, who's dominant quality is love, would never act in such a harsh way, causing us such pain.

I know that you well know, as I do, that children are gifts from God, they fill us with so much joy and passion for life. Psalm 127:3 says that children are "an inheritance from Jehovah". Being a gift, God would never take that gift back, just like we never would give our children something and then change our minds and take it back. What we do know for sure at this moment Briana, is that the untimely death of Ainslee has brought great sadness, hurt and pain. But, the Bible promises us that God will resurrect countless millions in a paradise earth, right here on earth. It would also mean children, with restored, healthy bodies, and reunited with their loved ones. We can find that promise in John 5:28, 29, "Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out."

I have found comfort and hope from the Scriptures and I truly hope that I have not offended you by sharing some of them with you. I also have a very encouraging article that I can share with you, and you can share with your brother and sister-in-law, entitled "Comfort For Grieving Parents-Deep and Lasting Pain". I think they would really find comfort in the words that come from the Bible too, as I have.

We hope to hear back from you. We hope that you feel better in the coming days and months even though we well know that it is not easy.

Much love,

Ada

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