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My Loss


Mark1967

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I wanted to share why I have joined this site. On Christmas Eve one of my favorite people in the whole world passed away at the age of 34. The family hasn't explicitly stated suicide but have said she had suffered from depression for most of her adult life and it had been particularly bad the past two years. I felt something was wrong I thought about bringing it up with her but also felt she really wanted her privacy so I bit my lip with my concerns. I've since learned I was right on both counts but I so regret not telling her of my concerns and telling her how much I loved her and would do anything for her. I'd known her since she was a little girl and she was almost like the little sister I never had. It has been almost two months and I still cry every day. Talking and writing about her seems to be the only thing that really brings me comfort. Unfortunately I'm not sure others aren't burned out on the subject so I feel I'm running out of people to share my feelings with, at least to share them as often as I feel the need to. Sometimes I find myself e-mailing her just to tell her things I wish I had said to her when she was with us. One thing that has brought me some hope is I've had some mildly interesting things happen that make me wonder if she is trying to tell me everything is alright. I'm still somewhat of a doubting Thomas though and sure wish I'd have something more concrete.

One thing that has helped is visiting her mom. When I first visited her at her home [there wasn't a service for her] she asked me to visit her every week and I've adhered to that to the best of my ability. Unfortunately I sort of get the feeling her desire to have me visit has waned somewhat while my need to see her is still very strong. There are still many things I wish to speak to her about but sometimes it is hard to tell when I am more of a bother than a help.

Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this. Writing about my feelings has been a help.

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I wanted to share why I have joined this site. On Christmas Eve one of my favorite people in the whole world passed away at the age of 34. The family hasn't explicitly stated suicide but have said she had suffered from depression for most of her adult life and it had been particularly bad the past two years. I felt something was wrong I thought about bringing it up with her but also felt she really wanted her privacy so I bit my lip with my concerns. I've since learned I was right on both counts but I so regret not telling her of my concerns and telling her how much I loved her and would do anything for her. I'd known her since she was a little girl and she was almost like the little sister I never had. It has been almost two months and I still cry every day. Talking and writing about her seems to be the only thing that really brings me comfort. Unfortunately I'm not sure others aren't burned out on the subject so I feel I'm running out of people to share my feelings with, at least to share them as often as I feel the need to. Sometimes I find myself e-mailing her just to tell her things I wish I had said to her when she was with us. One thing that has brought me some hope is I've had some mildly interesting things happen that make me wonder if she is trying to tell me everything is alright. I'm still somewhat of a doubting Thomas though and sure wish I'd have something more concrete.

One thing that has helped is visiting her mom. When I first visited her at her home [there wasn't a service for her] she asked me to visit her every week and I've adhered to that to the best of my ability. Unfortunately I sort of get the feeling her desire to have me visit has waned somewhat while my need to see her is still very strong. There are still many things I wish to speak to her about but sometimes it is hard to tell when I am more of a bother than a help.

Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this. Writing about my feelings has been a help.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I'm glad you found us. We have all lost someone and are just trying to find a way to grieve and maybe move forward the best we can with the hurt and pain. People here are loving and caring, here to support in any way we are able. Talking helps a great deal. Come here as often as you feel you need to. Most people post on the "Loss of a Child" thread. Doesn't matter who you lost, you're welcome there also. Hugs and prayers to you. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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I cant say that i know what you are feeling, but i do know what it is to lose the most important person to you. Its been 6 weeks since i lost shawn (my bestfriend) and a lot of what you wrote about i had to deal with. His mom asked me to keep in touch and i have to admit i really havent. I have some resentment towards his family for not giving him the help he needed, but i forgive them and hope they forgive me too. I still call his phone, and i still cry everyday too. Something you said though REALLY connected with me, you said "others are burned out on the subject" - i know that feeling. Sometimes I feel like only the folks on this site care to hear about shawn, no one else does. And its hard. But i want to encourage you to keep talking, posting and writing about your friend. It helps! Many nights i posted on this forum with tears rolling down my face because there was no one to call. Be encourage, its a long journey ahead.

I wanted to share why I have joined this site. On Christmas Eve one of my favorite people in the whole world passed away at the age of 34. The family hasn't explicitly stated suicide but have said she had suffered from depression for most of her adult life and it had been particularly bad the past two years. I felt something was wrong I thought about bringing it up with her but also felt she really wanted her privacy so I bit my lip with my concerns. I've since learned I was right on both counts but I so regret not telling her of my concerns and telling her how much I loved her and would do anything for her. I'd known her since she was a little girl and she was almost like the little sister I never had. It has been almost two months and I still cry every day. Talking and writing about her seems to be the only thing that really brings me comfort. Unfortunately I'm not sure others aren't burned out on the subject so I feel I'm running out of people to share my feelings with, at least to share them as often as I feel the need to. Sometimes I find myself e-mailing her just to tell her things I wish I had said to her when she was with us. One thing that has brought me some hope is I've had some mildly interesting things happen that make me wonder if she is trying to tell me everything is alright. I'm still somewhat of a doubting Thomas though and sure wish I'd have something more concrete.

One thing that has helped is visiting her mom. When I first visited her at her home [there wasn't a service for her] she asked me to visit her every week and I've adhered to that to the best of my ability. Unfortunately I sort of get the feeling her desire to have me visit has waned somewhat while my need to see her is still very strong. There are still many things I wish to speak to her about but sometimes it is hard to tell when I am more of a bother than a help.

Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this. Writing about my feelings has been a help.

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