Unprecedented

[DWS]

For all of those who grieve...

We all heard the word "unprecedented" a lot during the covid-19 years. The majority of us living today hadn't lived through anything as devastating as a global pandemic that brought the entire planet to a long pause. The fear of this unknown disease was unprecedented. Retail stores and restaurants completely closed down and in some areas, like my city's downtown, boarded up to prevent looting and vandalism because it was a ghost town there. That was unprecedented. Wearing a mask?!! I remember feeling really weird and vulnerable at first putting on a mask to go into the grocery stores. That was really unprecedented. When I showed up for my appointment at the large centre set up for vaccine shots, I sat in rows with about 150 others all of us nervously waiting to get jabbed. When they called for my row, we all obediently got up from our chairs and stood in a line for the next available nurse. That was surreal and certainly unprecedented.

And so is the loss of my partner.

Though deaths occur every minute of the day in society, the sudden loss of my partner and companion in life is totally unprecedented for me personally. It's unfamiliar and what works for others may not work for me. I've never been down this road. I didn't choose this path. I was knocked off the familiar and pleasant path I was on with him and immediately thrown elsewhere onto one that I'm now expected to journey.

And so now, it's a learning thing. Some things scare me along this path...stupid things like going to a grocery store and not buying for two anymore, not saving "2 for 1 dinner" coupons, going for a walk alone, pushing his chair in at the table, and being invited to a social event. A full year has gone by and I still don't know much about this path I'm on so I still want to go slow and cautiously because I can fall apart so damn easily.

It's personally unprecedented and is going to take me a lot of time. 

[RichS]

6 hours ago, DWS said:

Though deaths occur every minute of the day in society, the sudden loss of my partner and companion in life is totally unprecedented for me personally.

We don't know what it's like until it hits, "HOME." I've been sincere in all of my condolences for families of friends and relatives who have passed away in my adult life. Not long after Chris passed away, I made it a point tell folks who have had losses recently that I now FEEL THEIR PAIN. Because Chris was the biggest loss I've ever experienced in my lifetime. Maybe that's why so many on this board have complained about the waning sympathy of friends, relatives, co-workers, etc. Many of them these same folks haven't experienced the "PAIN HITTING HOME", or else why would a lot of us be getting responses that range from "get over it" to saying nothing at all, to avoiding us in some cases?

 

6 hours ago, DWS said:

Some things scare me along this path...stupid things like going to a grocery store and not buying for two anymore, not saving "2 for 1 dinner" coupons, going for a walk alone, pushing his chair in at the table, and being invited to a social event. A full year has gone by and I still don't know much about this path I'm on so I still want to go slow and cautiously because I can fall apart so damn easily.

I think most of us on this board are scared to various degrees. I personally try to take it "ONE DAY AT A TIME" these days; because if I don't I'll start worrying too much, which will snowball into fear. Fear will then turned to being overwhelmed which is not a good combination when combined with grief. You're right to go slow and cautiously.

[widower2]

1 hour ago, Gator M said:

It's not uncommon for these feelings to go 2 years or more.   Take your time.

Try a lifetime. I can't imagine they ever go away. The upside is that gradually they do diminish in intensity and frequency, becoming more manageable (which I'm guessing is what you were basically saying?).

[KayC]

17 hours ago, DWS said:

putting on a mask to go into the grocery stores.

I remember standing in a long line to get in, took over 1/2 hour to process us while they took our temperature!  I'd forgotten about that.  And wiping down grocery carts with disinfectant.

11 hours ago, RichS said:

personally try to take it "ONE DAY AT A TIME" these days; because if I don't I'll start worrying too much, which will snowball into fear. Fear will then turned to being overwhelmed which is not a good combination when combined with grief.

7 hours ago, widower2 said:

Try a lifetime.

Yep!  One day at a time is my motto since George died.

[RichS]

11 minutes ago, LostThomas said:

I've been asking myself lately, is this a new journey, or am I on the same one, coping with consequence.

In thinking about it, I would think it's a combination of both.

[KayC]

Today I ran Across an old blog of mine from 2015 in which I dedicated this song to my husband:

 

[movingon]

6 hours ago, LostThomas said:

How did only 1 file survive when hundreds, perhaps thousands did not?  

What an amazing love story ! And it hasn't ended, it lives on in this world and beyond. Was it really chance that you found that 1 file? I believe not. 

[movingon]

When you're ready you're heart will tell you what you should do.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, LostThomas said:

I don't know what to do with it.  It's hard to watch.

Just hang onto it for now.

 

1 hour ago, maud said:

When you're ready you're heart will tell you what you should do.

Yes.