Sensory Overload?

[HDee]

I lost my husband  in Dec. 2021.  Live alone now, but I've been blessed with lots of good friends.  Due to Covid, and being my husband's caregiver, I have done very little in-person socialization...I mean restaurant lunches, dinners, day trips, etc.  But now I have started doing  these things, and I have noticed something.  Sometimes, after two or three hours of talking and listening to others...I come home drained and tired.  Last night we were a group of five dining out and I think I had sensory overload.  It's a mental, emotional and physical thing.  This has gotten a lot better when we're only two or three people, but last night with five (and one person was non-stop fast talking)...too much.

Anyone else experience this?

  

[KayC]

Wow, I can sure understand that!

[Sparky1]

Yes, your mind is not on the conversation, you're always thinking about your partner. After a while all the talking becomes nonsense and it becomes boring being there. I get that sometimes but it's not that often I get out with many people.

[LMR]

I get this too. It's a lot if work trying to act like you care when you have this other dialogue running through your head every minute of your day. Sometimes it can surprise you just how exhausted you are. 

Today our new rescue puppy bit me. He is very excitable and still learning. He wasn't being aggressive but I just wanted to sit down and cry. Lack of proper sleep and never being truly relaxed anymore take their toll.

[Roxeanne]

I am often together or in the midst of many people, friends and not... and with time that feeling of estrangement has lessened but it's always present!

In the first times it was unbearable!

i remember it was like being in a silent movie...saw people open their mouth and talk but i couldn't understand nothing...i didn't care what they said! And often i refused to go outside with too much people!

I was lost in the space of my sorrow!

 

[RichS]

Last week I went to a baseball game to watch my son's friends play. There were lots of parents and grandparents there. I noticed that I kind of kept a little distance from the crowds by not sitting in the bleachers. I could tell that I wasn't in a socializing mood. After the game was over I walked over to the families I knew and chatted a bit, but not too long. I came away feeling that these days, I'm more comfortable talking with one or two people, not a whole group. I'm mainly an extrovert; but these days I don't mind remaining in the background, quiet................

[foreverhis]

9 hours ago, HDee said:

I think I had sensory overload.  It's a mental, emotional and physical thing.

Absolutely!  I still don't like to be in big groups, no matter the situation, and I'm looking at 5 years this summer.

The first thing I was invited to do with friends was about 4-1/2 months after John died.  These are neighbors across the street and when they asked if I'd like to come meet a friend who was visiting and then go out for a simple dinner, they also said they'd completely understand if it was too much for me.  But I went and had an okay time because I was with people who understood me, who didn't push me, and who knew enough to let me set the pace.  We had a cocktail at their place and then dinner at a small, casual Mexican restaurant we all love--on a Monday night, so it wasn't crowded.  I got home after a little more than 2 hours and felt as if I'd partied all night.  But it was good because it was a "test" for me.

Then that Thanksgiving, our sister-by-choice asked me if I would be able to come up for the weekend.  It was something John and I did every year and I knew it was going to be a hard weekend for everyone, not just me.  She promised that it would be only immediate family that year, not the "everybody is welcome" free-for-all it normally was, because she knew I would not be able to handle that.  I went and because it was just close chosen family who all loved John very much, it was a cathartic weekend.  I went up in 2019 and our daughter and granddaughter came down from Seattle.  My sister-by-birth and BIL visited, as did my SIL (John's sister) and BIL.  Several times during that weekend, I had to just go and be alone in the relative quiet.  Everyone understood and even encouraged me to simply "be" however I needed to be.

Over the past 2 years, I've gotten better about being around more people, but with COVID that's changed too as people are aware of space more.  I suspect I will always have to pick-and-choose what events are most important to me because I can't handle too many of them close together.  What I can handle is regularly spending time with one to three friends, mostly at one of our homes, just being together.  And that's enough for me.  Frankly, it's enough for most people I know now after the months and months of isolation.  Maybe COVID had the unexpected benefit of making more people realize that a frenetic pace surrounded by crowds really isn't all that healthy mentally.

[HDee]

Thank you for your responses.  I can see that what I feel when with more than two or three is not unique...and it's okay to feel that way,

[Gail 8588]

HDee, 

I also get exhausted being around people. One couple that has been very close to me and my husband for over 40 years, always bicker with each other. I know they love each other and that this is just their way of being. But I really cannot stand being with them for more than an hour or so. It takes all my strength not to yell at them about their bickering. 

I know it is my emotional response related to my sweetie. I'd give anything to have another loving, kind conversation with him. I project my feelings onto their life and think 'you are going to remember and regret all these digs and jabs you are inflicting on your love'.  But I don't know that is true for them.  They have bickered for more than 40 years- it's just their way.  So I stiffle my desire to tell them they should stop.  After about 20 minutes I am planning my exit.  I am always exhausted when I leave.

You are not alone in feeling this way.

Gail

 

 

[widower2]

On 3/29/2023 at 11:30 AM, HDee said:

one person was non-stop fast talking

That has ALWAYS taxed and annoyed me, but anyway...

Early on I had almost no interaction with anyone and didn't much care, in fact thought probably for the best because I'm not much company. But over time that changed. Loneliness, especially when it's cranked up to 10, is one of the if not the most horrid feelings ever IMO. 

But the devil's in the details and bottom line go with whatever works for you. If you'd rather be alone at any given time, do it. If you want to get together with people, go and make it happen if you can. 

[foreverhis]

On 3/29/2023 at 8:30 AM, HDee said:

one person was non-stop fast talking

Yuck!  I've hated that my whole life.  I also get frustrated and annoyed with people who think it's perfectly fine to "talk over" and interrupt each other.  I don't like being in groups where a dozen or more people are having  4 or 5 loud conversations at the same time, all shouting over each other.  It's an assault on my ears/head and emotional state.  It always has been.

13 hours ago, HDee said:

I can see that what I feel when with more than two or three is not unique...and it's okay to feel that way,

Absolutely.  I just want to add that it's okay to feel however you feel.  Full stop.  Feelings do not need justification; feelings simply are what they are.

[KayC]

The only place I feel comfortable with a lot of people is my church, but it's small and like a family.  Years ago I attended one that had 5,000 in attendance at any one time, so under 100 is more familial to me.  Not sure what our attendance is, maybe 60-80?

[KayC]

Oh it was extremely hard for me when I lost George!  It was very much "our church." I help lead morning worship and am on the platform, where I could always see his smiling face and support.  When he died I saw an empty spot where he always sat...even worse was when someone started sitting there.  I moved to the other side of the church after I'd get done with leading singing, have never sat in the same spot again. He always sat near the door, I always teased him about wanting a quick exit.  But truth is he had social anxiety.