For Chrissy

[robyn]

My darling girl,

God reached down and took your little hand on Nov. 22. That makes this 3 full months since you left us. I get a bit messed up with the days sometimes, but on the 22 of each month, I know exactly how long you have been gone. Sometimes, it's hard to believe that you are really not on the other end of the phone, and other times, it feels like a long tunnel of years.

I miss you every day. I miss everything that you are. When ever you had to deal with a difficult person, I haven't forgotten that you would pray about it, asking God to grant YOU more patience. You always see others as He does, a talent I wish I had. I'm trying to help the family, but I'm not you, baby. I don't have your strength or your goodness. Like everyone else, I depended on you. Maybe we all did, a little too much. I guess it's just time we stepped up.

God has been so kind, "Feenster"- He won't let me remember your last day very well. But lately, He has made my memories of you as a baby SO clear. I didn't get a chance to hold you for a full 12 hours- your mother, it turns out, is one of the few people on the planet who is actually allergic to spinal anesthesia. Who knew? When the nurse finally put you in my arms for the first time, I was so in awe. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I kept asking her, "are you SURE this one's mine?" You were so pretty with your big eyes wide open. You were only 2 months old on that first Christmas, and I used to turn the lights down and rock you in that old rocker of mine (the one I always promised you could have!)and I would watch you watching Nana's blinking bells in the window. You would get that astonished look on your face, and I would laugh- you were just so cute. You had that chirpy little voice that I hear in your little girl everytime I'm with her. She is SO like you, in every way, it just breaks my heart sometimes.

My years with you are precious to me. You were a terrific kid, a surprisingly wonderful teenager, and an adult I am honored to know. I cried like a baby when you left for AF basic training, but I was so proud of you! It didn't surprise me when you did so well there. It didn't surprise me when you finished your Masters, and it didn't surprise me when you got that new job you were so excited about. It certainly didn't surprise me when you proved to be such a good mother, cook, and housewife. It seems there was nothing that you couldn't do, and do well. Like your all-encompassing love for your family. I know you prayed for us all, every day. More than anything, I know you want us all together in heaven some day, and I promise you, baby, I will do my best not to disappoint you. I'm praying that I will be there soon, but I know it's not in my hands.

I put your "angel date", in here, as Nov. 27. That just seems the more important day to me. We took you down to "your" beach that morning and let you go at the same time that you always did your devotions. What a beautiful, perfect morning it was. I know you were there, beside us and telling us that you were ok, and that we would be too. Sweet girl, I promise you that I will do my best in caring for the family, and I promise you that I will pray for them EVERY day. I will hold them up before our Father, just as you did. I will try to be more like you.

You are my heart and my love, and I will miss you every day. But my faith is strong Chrissy and I am waiting to be with you again, my darling angel girl.

With love always,

Mommy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3k1rJOQPdY&list=FL8t6QPdvSZnBqfpZexDsj_g&index=2&feature=plpp_video

[davincidanes]

That was beautiful. Peace, light & love to you.

[Maddy6]

Robyn,

That was so beautiful. I remember when Rachael and I went to see the band Mercy Me together in concert. I cried as I read your letter to Chrissy. I could feel the beautiful morning on the beach, the breeze and the beauty when you said good bye to her. I thank God I have your friendship to walk this journey together with. Could it be that Rachael and Chrissy are together in heaven? Rachael always saw the good in everyone also. In fact, that good was also a detriment. She truly never saw, nor did she ever think anyone had a bad bone in their body. She was so loving. So sensitive. So kind and sweet.

Thank you for the post Robyn.

Love,

Maddy

[vivkib]

Robyn, What an beautiful letter to your Chrissy, and the video, I don't even know where to begin. Tears fell reading the letter and they sure didn't stop watching the video. Thank you for sharing with us. Vivian-Kevin's mom

[robyn]

Thank you so much everyone. I had been thinking about Chrissy so much and just felt like putting some thoughts down. I think she already knows how I feel.

Maddy, Chrissy's beach could not have been more beautiful that morning! Her husband just suddenly decided that Sunday night, after Chrissy's memorial, that it had to be "now". We had to go down and release her. Load up! And so we did. A nasty storm followed us all the way- cold and raining. We pulled in about 1 AM, took two hotel rooms and sat up talking until 5, and then went down to the beach. Chrissy always got up about that time, before the kids woke up, and had her coffee and read her devotions and prayed for the day, so that was the hour we chose. Everything had changed, the rain stopped and it was 77 degrees (end of November!)- a beautiful morning!

Husband took this picture just as we were finishing up.

I believe she did this for us.