Members davincidanes Posted February 19, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 I just found this group and am going to take a little time to read some posts. I lost my beloved 28 year old son on Jan.5, 2012. I don't know how to live through this....... the tears won't stop flowing. Maybe I can find a little peace here.~Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tweetymm125@aol.com Posted February 19, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 I am so sorry for your pain I am praying for you I lost my son 2 years ago. He was 29. There are wonderfull people here for support. Post on the main site Lost of an adult child You will get lots of reponses thereRobs Mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vivkib Posted February 19, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 I just found this group and am going to take a little time to read some posts. I lost my beloved 28 year old son on Jan.5, 2012. I don't know how to live through this....... the tears won't stop flowing. Maybe I can find a little peace here.~LindaLinda, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. My son Kevin was also 28 when I lost him Sept. 27. I'm sorry you are on this road with us but glad you found your way here, It does help to talk to others that are traveling the same path. You will live through this, although I don't know at times how we do it, but we do. I have cryed so many tears at times I think I must be dried out but then something happens and they start all over again. I don't think they ever stop but only lessen in time. We're here for you when ever you need. Together we'll make it. Hugs and prayers to you. Vivian-Kevin's Mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pettysmom Posted February 20, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 We lost our 28 yr old son Charles Ross Petty on Jan 31 in ND. He was killed working in the oil field. I read your post and felt awkwardly comforted. Knowing someone else feels just like I do. I dont know what Im gonna do with out him.. its hard to breath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vivkib Posted February 20, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 We lost our 28 yr old son Charles Ross Petty on Jan 31 in ND. He was killed working in the oil field. I read your post and felt awkwardly comforted. Knowing someone else feels just like I do. I dont know what Im gonna do with out him.. its hard to breath.I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes it is a strange kind of comfort we all seem to find here, but it does help to know we are not alone. Nobody can understand the deep pain you feel when you loss a part of you unless they have been there also. We've been there and are just trying to find our way. I still have days when I don't know how I'll get up let alone get through, but I somehow do it. We learn to live differently then we did before and I've been told with time the sting is a little less. I'm still new to this so I just have to take the word of those that have gone down this road before me. Coming here does help. It's a safe place to put our feelings out on the line and know we are understood. At times I've thought I was going crazy but come here and find out whatever I'm feeling at the time is pretty much normal and it helps. Again, I'm so sorry you find yourself here but welcome and keep coming back. Vivian-Kevin;s Mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members davincidanes Posted February 20, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 Thank you all for the kind welcome. I just hate it so much that we are all going thru this. I'm having a hard time handling my grief. I cried all weekend and ended up with my mother yelling at me over the phone, and my fiance throwing his hands up in frustration. They don't know the pain......... I just want to scream at them that they have no business telling me how to or how long to grieve. It has been a little over 6 weeks since he died, and these past two days have been the worst yet. I've cried more than I have the entire 6 weeks before. Is reality finally sinking in? I hope I can find some comfort here.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vivkib Posted February 20, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 Thank you all for the kind welcome. I just hate it so much that we are all going thru this. I'm having a hard time handling my grief. I cried all weekend and ended up with my mother yelling at me over the phone, and my fiance throwing his hands up in frustration. They don't know the pain......... I just want to scream at them that they have no business telling me how to or how long to grieve. It has been a little over 6 weeks since he died, and these past two days have been the worst yet. I've cried more than I have the entire 6 weeks before. Is reality finally sinking in? I hope I can find some comfort here....I'm so saddened to hear the reaction you are getting from your family. 6 weeks is just like yesterday. Here I am at 4 1/2 months and it feels at times like yesterday. I SO don't want to do this anymore, It hurts to much. I don't know how you controlled the urge to yell and scream, maybe throw a thing or two. You do whatever you need to do. You lost a part of you and there is no getting over it. It will sting less as time goes on but it's only been 6 weeks. You're intitled to the pain, tears, and hurt you feel. I'm sorry if I haven't been to much help for you today, I'm having one of my not so good days. You are not alone and I understand. Hugs and prayers to you today. Vivian-Kevin's Mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members designer2 Posted February 22, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Dear Linda, I lost my Dylan on March 21st of last year. He would be 28 on March 2nd. He died of a ruptured appendix as a result of malpractice. I was having a real bad day today as I always do on his date of passing, so I came here as I often do to read posts from others who know my sadness. I have had the same kind of treatment from those who are close to me, and I can't understand how they can expect us to just be over our loss. What we have to endure is beyond pain; it is the cruelest blow to the human spirit...we have lost our children. Dylan was my only child and my best friend and he lived with me all of his life. That is not something I will ever get over. I could have easily given up on life, but I chose to "actively" grieve for my son, which means I started reaching out for love, compassion, understanding, companionship, sympathy, all the things that human beings need to survive this great tragedy. I started attending support groups, grief therapy, coming here to share sorrow and tender thoughts, and finding the one friend in my life who would care enough to listen. All of these things have helped me so much on my journey. It is so important for you to find those who will share this pain with you. If you do, you will heal. It is nature's way. Let yourself cry...I will cry with you. Let it out, it is your season of grief. I light a candle in your darkness.Love, Cindy Dylan's mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members davincidanes Posted February 22, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thank you so much, Kevin's Mom & Cynthiag. The tears have been shared and felt. I do pretty good sometimes, but other times I'm just terribly sad. I know that I must grieve the way I want for as long as I want, and I can't allow anyone to tell me different. My darling Mother and wonderful fiance just want me to get on with life, I guess. You see, Cash proposed to me on Thanksgiving Day in front of the whole family, including Sean. (Which was the last day that I actually saw and hugged him, as well.) We live in TN and we had made the trip to my home state of MI for Thanksgiving with the family and deer hunting. It was a wonderful time. We had set a wedding date of April 12, 2012, and now I have post-poned that. I can't see "pretending" to be happy when I am still in so much pain..... My mother has been consistently asking how the wedding plans are going, ...I know her intentions are good and she just wants to see me happy, but that just frustrates me beyond belief. I know at some point, I'll be able to look toward the future and our wedding, but not NOW. I'm afraid that I'll drive my fiance away with my grief sometimes. He's so understanding most of the time, and such a rock of support, but other times, he gets tired of seeing me hurting. He says... it will just take time. He says that at some point I will get tired of being sad and tired... I will be happy again. I don't know...... I don't see it yet, but iI suppose he is right. This past year has been so terribly stressful..... last April I was diagnosed with cancer, too, and thankfully, the surgery,chemo, and rradiation "cured" it, but I still have that worry on my mind that it will come back. He's been wonderful through that whole process, but some days, I don't know why he stays with me. I am so much trouble.... Well, thanks to everyone for your support. It really means a lot to me. Hugs to all. ~Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members westleysmom Posted February 22, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Linda-I'm so sorry for the loss of your Sean. My only son (I have a daughter as well) died on 1/13/2010, 6 days before he would have had his 21st birthday. He died in his sleep at a friend's house. Six weeks is no time at all to expect someone to 'recover' from a loss such as we have had. You have been through so much in the past year, I hope that your fiance's understanding continues and that your Mom backs off on the "what kind of cake at the reception?" After six weeks, I was barely able to say that he had died, even now, that does not come easily, to say it out loud, to admit that Westley is gone. I will say that after two years, I am doing better than I was. But for a long time, longer than anyone else knew, I was on auto-pilot. I did the things that people expected me to do and said what they thought I would say, smiled and laughed at my cue. But I wasn't really there, my mind was working on solving the problem of Westley's death. What could I do to change it, what should I have done to keep it from happening? Nobody however, expected me to get married and all that entails, which is a lot to ask somebody to do who can barely breathe. The loss of a child steals the air from your lungs and the joy from your heart for a long time, and I can't say for sure that I'll ever breathe as deeply or be as happy as I was capable of being "before", which is how my life is defined now. There is "before" he was gone, and there is now. But its all we have and we have to live it the best way we know how. It is not easy, but it can be done, one moment at a time, like AA or something. My heart to you as you find your way. This place saved me, and all the friends I've made here are the best. I hope you find comfort here too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members davincidanes Posted February 22, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thank you so much, Rhonda. Your words are very comforting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vivkib Posted February 22, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thank you so much, Kevin's Mom & Cynthiag. The tears have been shared and felt. I do pretty good sometimes, but other times I'm just terribly sad. I know that I must grieve the way I want for as long as I want, and I can't allow anyone to tell me different. My darling Mother and wonderful fiance just want me to get on with life, I guess. You see, Cash proposed to me on Thanksgiving Day in front of the whole family, including Sean. (Which was the last day that I actually saw and hugged him, as well.) We live in TN and we had made the trip to my home state of MI for Thanksgiving with the family and deer hunting. It was a wonderful time. We had set a wedding date of April 12, 2012, and now I have post-poned that. I can't see "pretending" to be happy when I am still in so much pain..... My mother has been consistently asking how the wedding plans are going, ...I know her intentions are good and she just wants to see me happy, but that just frustrates me beyond belief. I know at some point, I'll be able to look toward the future and our wedding, but not NOW. I'm afraid that I'll drive my fiance away with my grief sometimes. He's so understanding most of the time, and such a rock of support, but other times, he gets tired of seeing me hurting. He says... it will just take time. He says that at some point I will get tired of being sad and tired... I will be happy again. I don't know...... I don't see it yet, but iI suppose he is right. This past year has been so terribly stressful..... last April I was diagnosed with cancer, too, and thankfully, the surgery,chemo, and rradiation "cured" it, but I still have that worry on my mind that it will come back. He's been wonderful through that whole process, but some days, I don't know why he stays with me. I am so much trouble.... Well, thanks to everyone for your support. It really means a lot to me. Hugs to all. ~LindaLinda, I'm glad your fiance is so supportive. I also understand the heartache involved in your decision to postpone your wedding. I thought I'd share with you what our family did. My ex-husband and his wonderful (at the time soon-to-be) wife had planned thier wedding for Oct. 8, 2011. All the kids were to be in the wedding party, all 6 of them. My son Kevin was to be the best man and was so exited. He loved his soon-to-be step-mom and knew how happy his dad was. Then just 11 days before the wedding, he passed. Now my ex was faced with a decision to make, should they have the wedding or not? At first he said he couldn't do it and they would postpone the wedding. The more we as a family sat and talked about it, the more it made sense to us all that the wedding needed to go on as planned. Here's why, Kevin was so happy about the up coming wedding and would be greatly saddened to know that his passing was the "cause" of it being postponed. This was something he really wanted for his dad, so in honr of Kevin, his dad wanted to have the wedding as planned. That was a very hard week for us, lots of tears and stories while planning a memorial to take place on Tues. and a wedding to take place on Saturday. While crying, telling stories about Kevin we were making headdressses, flower arrangements, archway, ect for the wedding. During all this it was sugested that my daughter carry a picture of Kevin down the Isle and place it at the alter in the best mans place and that my son would carry a picture of his other brother who is in prison and could not attend and place it with Kevin's. That way the boys would be there in spirit. My ex and his fiance loved the idea. I don't know how we all got through that crazy week but we did and both the memorial service and the wedding were beautiful. We are all glad we choose to have the wedding even though it made for a very bizzar and hectic week. I know not everyone agreed with us to do what we did, but for our "functionally disfunctional" family, it was for the best. You follow your heart and do what feels right to you. Nobody knows what's best for you at this point in time. Hugs, prayers and strenght to you in this most hard time. Vivian-Kevin's Mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members davincidanes Posted February 22, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Oh, Vivian - thank you for sharing that story with me, it is wonderful that all of you were able to do that. Sean was excited about our wedding, too. He was planning on playing the piano for us...... <sigh> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members westleysmom Posted February 22, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Linda-I meant to tell you that I'm in TN too. I don't know if we have anybody else who posts that is in TN that I know of. I'm in Middle TN near the KY border. Vivian-I think your family honored Kevin's memory and your other son as well. I'm sure it was very difficult thing to get through and can't imagine how you did it. We are stronger than we know, or want to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members davincidanes Posted February 23, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Hi Rhonda. Good to meet you, but not under these circumstances. I am originally from Michigan, but moved near Knoxville 6 years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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