Members Ck13 Posted March 27, 2023 Members Report Share Posted March 27, 2023 I’ve just arrived home after travelling away for my partners funeral..he wanted to be buried with his dad in his town of birth. It’s a long way away from where we are (plane and long car journey). It’s been a month since he died suddenly but due to complications of taking him “home” the funeral only took place 2 days ago. I’m now home and don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve left him hundreds of miles away , and now home to face reality without him. Feel at a complete loss as to this next phase. 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post RichS Posted March 27, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted March 27, 2023 My wife is buried in Massachusetts and we live in North Carolina; so I know the distance feeling. Our hope is that her spirit is a lot closer to us than her grave. As for the next phase, that will take time. Today, I read an article about moving forward and it hit me in the gut. I felt as if I had a relapse. You will have days like this, so don't be surprised. The best thing you can do is get up, dust yourself off, and continue with life. To be sure, the reality is hard to take; especially in the early stages. I'm still struggling with that myself. Some days I feel a little better, some days I don't. Will it ever change? People who have been through grief a lot longer than me say that the pain lessens with time. I sure hope so. We all move forward (accepting the reality) at our own pace. Right now I'm still not sure if I'm moving fast or slow. Taking it one day at a time seems to be the best coping strategy for a lot of us here. Keep posting on this board. Here you will find lots of caring, sympathetic people who will take the time to listen to your feelings. You'll find comfort in that....... 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post MichiganDaniel Posted March 28, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted March 28, 2023 2 hours ago, Ck13 said: Feel at a complete loss as to this next phase. That’s where I am now. I know the world has pivoted. I can’t live in the world of us together anymore. Living in that world but without her won’t work, even thouh I still talk to her picture and hug it and cry sometimes. But I know I need to find a new world, a world of what next that’s different from our together world without her. I started doing some things differently. I go into the office now instead of working remote in the empty house without her. I ate in a restaurant for the first time since the pandemic started, something we were hoping to do together this year. I need to give my brain some time to build new habits and patterns, but it’s all still a mystery. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post widower2 Posted March 28, 2023 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted March 28, 2023 4 hours ago, Ck13 said: I feel like I’ve left him hundreds of miles away A totally understandable feeling, but I am guessing deep down you know not really true and I hope over time you and others can take comfort in that (that they are not "trapped" there and so not really apart from you) . A person's body is what housed that wonderful person all their life and because of that is very important...but after they have left that body, it's no longer "them." They are not in that coffin or urn or whatever. This starts to get into religious beliefs and I'm not into going there, but if we presume they continue on in the afterlife, whatever that is, then I think it's a given they can be anywhere at any given time, including in our presence...and I don't mean symbolically, but literally, physically (or spiritually if you will) right there with us. Just my .02. I wish you whatever peace and comfort you can find in this time when such things feel impossible. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted March 28, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted March 28, 2023 13 hours ago, RichS said: Right now I'm still not sure if I'm moving fast or slow. You're moving at your own pace, what is right for you, and it seems to be working for you. 15 hours ago, Ck13 said: I’m now home and don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve left him hundreds of miles away , and now home to face reality without him. This has to be hard, being gone so long, so far, around others and now home alone. My friend Iris is going through the same thing. My heart goes out to you. 13 hours ago, RichS said: Taking it one day at a time seems to be the best coping strategy for a lot of us here. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RichS Posted March 28, 2023 Members Report Share Posted March 28, 2023 10 minutes ago, Gator M said: I for one, can somewhat function. BUT as of today, I am just going through the motions. I do my job, I try to do chores, I cherish time/talks with my kids and I PRAY...A LOT. I'm going through the motions, I try to do my chores, I cherish the time with my son (and cat), BUT I need to PRAY MORE. Thanks for the wise reminder on prayer............ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted March 28, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted March 28, 2023 2 hours ago, Gator M said: I can't say what better is It is simply that it is not as intense as day/month one, the lessening is very gradual so as not to seem perceptible. The amount of time it takes to reach that state will be different for everyone, it does depend a bit on our honing our coping skills, and some things help us like counseling, support groups, reading, posting/reading here. And yes, prayer, if you are a praying person. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted March 28, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted March 28, 2023 I don't feel lonely very often, although I did at first. What I feel is a longing for George. I'm okay living alone but would prefer a little social contact now and then, but it hasn't happened the last 1 1/2 months. My sisters and friends have no idea what this is like. But I do get tired of having to be the only one responsible for this place...all the time. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RichS Posted March 28, 2023 Members Report Share Posted March 28, 2023 27 minutes ago, Gator M said: For all of us, "Going through the motions"...God grant us peace, direction, and wisdom to know what to do? There is a similar prayer by St. Anthony: "God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things that I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things that I can and the WISDOM to know the difference." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted March 29, 2023 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted March 29, 2023 14 hours ago, Gator M said: How is longing different from loneliness? It is. I am content being alone in my place, but the longing I have for George is a quiet missing him that nothing can fill and I've come to peace with that. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted March 30, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted March 30, 2023 I find it helps not to saturate myself with the news, I skim-read it rather than watching it all day like my sister and BIL. I think it contributes to negative outlook. It seems the politicians are in an arena all their own and media jumps on the bandwagon! Spreading things w/o checking them out first. Erythritol was a prime example. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sally72 Posted March 30, 2023 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2023 1 hour ago, Gator M said: I've read the back of the book. Though we WIN, it gets messy. @Gator M Yes! On one hand I long for the ending and yet if I am allowed to be really transparent, I still feel scared sometimes. That scared comes a lot I think from now feeling so very alone/lonely. It’s been 5 years, and even though the grief is no longer raw, the loneliness is sometimes overwhelming! Jesus is so present in my life and carries me through, and during the overwhelming times I kneel beside my bed …where Jeff used to pray with me, and now I pray alone… and take it to Jesus! However, I miss beyond words the being able to share thoughts and emotions, little stuff and big, …and to have that returned. To care deeply and to have that care reciprocated. To hear in words how special I am to someone. To have that special someone who I can be completely vulnerable and open with and who loves me back in the same way. There is deep aching loneliness that is always present since Jeff is gone. That special someone who truly talks openly, looks into my eyes and shares his heart and with whom I could also share in a very open and vulnerable way. I miss that every single day in a way that words cannot describe! I share daily, some days hourly, with Jesus and am so thankful! …and I know He understands that it’s not quite the same as having a husband … 💔🙏 ….. So back to your comment, …Yes, we win!! and I long for that day! I love how you worded it, that caught my attention! 🙂 … now just to figure out how to get through the loneliness to that day! Revelation 22:20 🙏🙏🙏 Prayers for everyone here, as we continue this journey! 🤍 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted March 30, 2023 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2023 8 hours ago, Gator M said: I've read the back of the book. Though we WIN, it gets messy. I've read it many times as well as most of the rest of it, and this is what gives me comfort in the face of what's going on now. It's a tough going, but we have to persevere and make the best of it. 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted March 31, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted March 31, 2023 20 hours ago, Gator M said: Kay...I agree, however you can't avoid what is happening. If you have grandkids in school, you go the store, you surf the internet, or go anywhere IT'S THERE. It's not in nature, another reason I love living here. Remind me of that this weekend when it's snowing! My grandkids are homeschooled and they're doing a great job teaching them as well as socialization, coaching sports, etc. And there's a big difference between SATURATING yourself with news and skimming/keeping an eye on it. 11 hours ago, Gator M said: In any event...what America is becoming hurts my soul. Yes, it's shocking, in my 70 years here, who'd have thought?! 11 hours ago, Gator M said: Hopefully, will see each other soon....at the banquet Yes! And Kodie wants to be there, he's a great beggar! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted March 31, 2023 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2023 On 3/29/2023 at 2:55 AM, KayC said: It is. I am content being alone in my place, but the longing I have for George is a quiet missing him that nothing can fill and I've come to peace with that. Yes, I feel that as well. I have learned to be at peace with living alone…well, alone with my new furry love. But the missing and the longing for John to be with me again will never go away. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members movingon Posted March 31, 2023 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2023 Don't know that I'm ready for THAT just yet. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members movingon Posted April 1, 2023 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2023 Well I'm certain alot ARE getting ready, but there will be those stragglers that will be opting out due to their beliefs, religious or non religious. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members movingon Posted April 1, 2023 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2023 If you are right then I suppose in the blink of an eye you and many many others will be raised in the air and dissapear to meet with Christ. You will be justified in your belief. For the rest of us, things here might just work out enough to keep us going on with our lives. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members movingon Posted April 1, 2023 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2023 Goodnight Gator, your strong faith and belief is admirable, may it bring you peace with your loss and with the difficulties you are facing with your home. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sally72 Posted April 1, 2023 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2023 On 3/30/2023 at 6:55 PM, Gator M said: Hopefully, will see each other soon....at the banquet Prayers Yes Gator!! I can only imagine what that meal with Jesus will be like! …and I’m sure however wonderful I imagine it to be, it will be many times better❣️ Looking to see each of you there! Love and (((hugs))) … and to anyone who doesn’t believe as I/we do, no judgement! We all have minds to decide how we believe. Love and (((hugs))) to you all too! 🤍 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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