new to these forums

[johnryansmom]

I lost my 31-year-old son 7 weeks ago. Accidental overdose of bipolar meds, alcohol and a painkiller. The toxicology levels were medium-level in his blood stream, but the combination stopped his heart and he was alone so he died. I am drowning in regret and guilt because my son and I had not been on the best of terms in the few months before he died, and I was sort of cold to him, upset about him not handling his life responsibly, etc. Now I see that he was hurting ... the medical examiner said he was likely self-medicating (he said he sees a lot of that with young people who have mental health issues). He needed me to be there for him, but I wasn't. I know that regret and guilt are part of grief but this is like a panic attack that will not end. My son was a sweet person, very generous and good to people, and he was good to me, too. I miss him so much and I keep seeing him in my mind's eye, and that's what causes me to fall apart. So I try not to think about him by keeping busy, but you have to stop moving at some point in the day and suddenly, there it all is. Reality. He's not coming back. Thanks for listening.

[Maddy6]

1329625357' post='84145']

I lost my 31-year-old son 7 weeks ago. Accidental overdose of bipolar meds, alcohol and a painkiller. The toxicology levels were medium-level in his blood stream, but the combination stopped his heart and he was alone so he died. I am drowning in regret and guilt because my son and I had not been on the best of terms in the few months before he died, and I was sort of cold to him, upset about him not handling his life responsibly, etc. Now I see that he was hurting ... the medical examiner said he was likely self-medicating (he said he sees a lot of that with young people who have mental health issues). He needed me to be there for him, but I wasn't. I know that regret and guilt are part of grief but this is like a panic attack that will not end. My son was a sweet person, very generous and good to people, and he was good to me, too. I miss him so much and I keep seeing him in my mind's eye, and that's what causes me to fall apart. So I try not to think about him by keeping busy, but you have to stop moving at some point in the day and suddenly, there it all is. Reality. He's not coming back. Thanks for listening.

Johnryansmom,I replied to you in a personal message. If you look at the top right of the site where your name is, you will see a number. If mine is the only personal message it will be a #1. Click on it and my message will come up. Also, on the thread right below yours on this forum, there is the topic Loss of an Adult Child. Click on that, then at the top right click on the reply button. If you post on that thread, there are many others who have experienced your loss and heartache. We help each other with, comfort, guidance and support. You will find understanding and friends there.

Maddy - Rachael's mom and 5 others also.

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I lost my 31-year-old son 7 weeks ago. Accidental overdose of bipolar meds, alcohol and a painkiller. The toxicology levels were medium-level in his blood stream, but the combination stopped his heart and he was alone so he died. I am drowning in regret and guilt because my son and I had not been on the best of terms in the few months before he died, and I was sort of cold to him, upset about him not handling his life responsibly, etc. Now I see that he was hurting ... the medical examiner said he was likely self-medicating (he said he sees a lot of that with young people who have mental health issues). He needed me to be there for him, but I wasn't. I know that regret and guilt are part of grief but this is like a panic attack that will not end. My son was a sweet person, very generous and good to people, and he was good to me, too. I miss him so much and I keep seeing him in my mind's eye, and that's what causes me to fall apart. So I try not to think about him by keeping busy, but you have to stop moving at some point in the day and suddenly, there it all is. Reality. He's not coming back. Thanks for listening.

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

To Johnnys Mom

I to lost my son to an accidenatal drg overdose . He has ADD and he took Xanax Cocaine and alcohol. It was the alcohol combination that took his life. You are in my prayers. I too live with guilt t because my son was on drugs on and off. He was a great kid and loved by everyone. He too died alone. It is not your fault. We do the best we can. I know that one day I will see him again. I came to realize that I begged him to get help and my son made poor choices. We all tried. I suffer alot because I miss him so much. He was 29 I have a daughter 23 and I am trying to be here for her. I take this one second at a time. The people on this site really help. Do not be so hard on yor self. Your son knows you did the best you could have ever done. I do not know why things happen I am just trying to survive My daughter and I saw my son on the ceiling a moyor nth after he died It was at night A perfect shadow of him just like a photo I know it is a sign from God that he is fine. It has to be better where are kids are because here on earth it is so hard sometimes.. You are in my prayers I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I know you feel sad lonely and hopeless

Forever Robs Mom