Hard to Cope

[Mrssumr]

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my Mom passed. I wanted to share my story as I just need to get it out there and hope it will help me to better cope with this huge loss. My Mom started to have what we thought was a muscle pull back in early November. It was getting worse so in mid December she went to the doctor. She was told it was a hamstring pull and was sent for physical therapy. Over a 2 week period she went to 4 sessions. The pain got much worse and she could barely walk. On January 3rd she went for a second opinion. The doctor did not think it was a muscle pull and immediately ordered a CT scan. The next day was the call that changed our lives forever. She had a large mass on her hip. He said he believed it was stage 4 cancer that had spread to her bone from somewhere else. The following day she had a chest xray. The results were a 3.4cm tumor in her left lung. 4 days after the first phone call she was in the hospital and she died 5 days later. My Mom died 9 days after being told she had cancer. I cannot come to grips with this. We were barely able to come to terms with the diagnosis and she was gone. My mom has been healthy her whole life. She just turned 72 she was young. She was not only my Mom she was my best friend. I live 3 miles from her. She babysit my kids 2 days a week we spent about 5 of 7 days a week together. We spoke on the phone many times a day. We were finally going on our dream trip to Italy in May how is this possible? I feel like i cannot cope at all. I cry all the time. I pretend I am ok but I feel like I am just a shell. I go through the motions but I am lost and alone. I have 2 children and a wonderful husband and I have to go on for them but I feel like most of me died with my Mom. I can't get her face out of my mind. She was so sad at the hospital she was not ready to go yet she had so much more to do. I just can't understand why. I know I will never know the answer to this but it bother's me so much. I am glad she did not suffer. My mom always said if she had to go she wanted it quick. I just feel it's so unfair she was not even given a chance. My Mom always had a huge fear of cancer. Anytime she was sick she would worry it was cancer. In the hospital as they were doing test after test it was showing she had lesions all over -her spine, ribs, shoulder, hip, skull I feel like it was so cruel to do this to her. A wonderful woman who had so much to offer and would do anything for anyone to be filled with cancer. I have questioned my faith so much during these past 4 weeks. Thank you so much for allowing me to share my story. My life is forever changed and I don't know what to do or where to go from here...

[debbie8800]

Hi M: I have seen you answering others kindly but hadn't heard your story. I feel the same way as you as a matter of fact today on the way home from swimming at the gym, i got on the parkway and just couldn't stop crying, right now i miss my mother so mmuch and cannot find anyone like her. I have to remain in NJ for 5 more months or so due to a procedure i have to have done. Its not serious.

Anyway my mom was my best friend and i was thinking tonight I am not sure if i can handle being without mom either. Its crazy like you said, you miss them terribly. I want to visit scotland but without her there what is the point? The first 6 weeks were the hardest for me, Now i still cry.

You are not alone and many of us have lost people on here. Lord have mercy. Prayers for you for strength, healing and acceptence.

[Mrssumr]

Thanks so much for the reply Debbie. I am so sorry about your Mom. I know how very hard it is. I woke up today crying as I do every morning. I don't think the pain will every go away a huge part of me is gone I loved my Mom so much and I miss her with every part of me.

Hi M: I have seen you answering others kindly but hadn't heard your story. I feel the same way as you as a matter of fact today on the way home from swimming at the gym, i got on the parkway and just couldn't stop crying, right now i miss my mother so mmuch and cannot find anyone like her. I have to remain in NJ for 5 more months or so due to a procedure i have to have done. Its not serious.

Anyway my mom was my best friend and i was thinking tonight I am not sure if i can handle being without mom either. Its crazy like you said, you miss them terribly. I want to visit scotland but without her there what is the point? The first 6 weeks were the hardest for me, Now i still cry.

You are not alone and many of us have lost people on here. Lord have mercy. Prayers for you for strength, healing and acceptence.

[ada33r]

Dear M,

I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved mom's passing. It still is so raw and the pain I'm sure immeasurable. Your story touched my heart since cancer is very close to my family and my husband's. My uncle passed away from it, my aunt had it (its in remission), my husband's grandfather passed in a very short time too, and my mom is in remission too. In fact, it is so common that we have adopted a more organic form of trying to prevent it in us, we don't eat meat, and we limit severely all dairy. Whatever the case is that most people want to live with health and vigor. We have an inborn desire to live and enjoy life in peace and security. I want to share some scriptures that have been of extreme comfort to me in the worst of times. The Bible explains why we feel that way: "God has put eternity into man's mind" or "in their heart" (Ecclesiastes 3:11) We are unlike animals, we bury our dead and contemplate in the future, we do not want to get sick and die. Death, nonexistence, is inherently repulsive, we want to live not die. This itself has given me reason to believe in one of God's promises found in Revelation 21:4, 5 that says: "'God will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away'. And the One seated on the throne said: 'Look! I am making all things new.' Also, he says: 'Write, because these words are faithful and true'". Yes M, faithful and true tells me that we can depend on God's promises, for unlike imperfect humans, he has the power, the wisdom, and the determination to carry out his purposes. I think that if we as imperfect humans feel pain when we see our loved ones suffer, or even people we do not know suffer, how much more our Creator that sees us and suffers too. It is this love Jehovah has for us that will motivate him to act on our behalf just like any parent wants the best for his children. What we are all going through right now is NOT the way things Jehovah wanted them to be. But the Bible tells us soon these things will be in the past. Psalm 37:10, 11 says: "And just a little while longer and the wicked will be no more; And you will certainly give attention to his place, and he will not be. But the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, and they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace." These and other scriptures have truly brought me comfort and peace of mind M, I hope that they do the same for you. Please keep coming back to this forum as this is a place where we are all accepted and you can feel free to express your deepest thoughts. This will help you.

Hugs,

Ada

[Orion]

Mrssumr,

You have strength like I have rarely seen. I'm so glad you chose to post here, as these wonderful people at grieving.com have helped so many. This is truly a place to find comfort...

I don't know any bible verses or poems and things to say to you. Your mom and my father both died around the same time, about a month ago. I had 4 years to watch my dad suffer and be ravaged, and you had only 9 days. I was able to prepare, and you were not given that opportunity.

But you were given a great gift in that your mother wanted to go fast. She got it. It's cruel, its vicious, it's disgisting, and its life and we are unfortunate enough to have to deal with it. But if I had a choice I would rather go fast than the way my father had to watch his freedom and body fade from him.

Questioning your faith is not unusual, it's normal. It shows you are an intelligent person who can't possibly understand why this world dishes out such pain to us. None of us understands what its all about.

please continue to post for support.

[Mrssumr]

Thank you so much Ada and Orion I appreciate your thoughts and support. I continue to struggle everyday and I come to this forum once a day to read other's stories and know the feelings I have are normal. I have never lost anyone this close to me in my 36 years. I guess I am lucky in that aspect but of all people to lose I never thought it would be my Mom, my hero. I cry every single day and it's not getting any easier. Thanks again for the kind words I am so thankful for them and you all!

Summer

Mrssumr,

You have strength like I have rarely seen. I'm so glad you chose to post here, as these wonderful people at grieving.com have helped so many. This is truly a place to find comfort...

I don't know any bible verses or poems and things to say to you. Your mom and my father both died around the same time, about a month ago. I had 4 years to watch my dad suffer and be ravaged, and you had only 9 days. I was able to prepare, and you were not given that opportunity.

But you were given a great gift in that your mother wanted to go fast. She got it. It's cruel, its vicious, it's disgisting, and its life and we are unfortunate enough to have to deal with it. But if I had a choice I would rather go fast than the way my father had to watch his freedom and body fade from him.

Questioning your faith is not unusual, it's normal. It shows you are an intelligent person who can't possibly understand why this world dishes out such pain to us. None of us understands what its all about.

please continue to post for support.

[AaronB]

Hi Summer,

I just lost my mom to cancer and I feel totally lost. Your story helped. I feel so totally alone and it's comforting knowing that I'm not alone. It's like the fog around me will never be lifted.

Aaron

[Mrssumr]

Hi Aaron,

Your not alone this journey is a very difficult one to take and I know just what your going through. That is the great thing about this forum we can all relate. I am still in a fog as well. I take comfort in the fact my Mom is not suffering. I feel like I am suffering but it's OK rather me than my incredible Mom. Keep posting here I check everyday and I am here to talk whenever you need it!

Summer

Hi Summer,

I just lost my mom to cancer and I feel totally lost. Your story helped. I feel so totally alone and it's comforting knowing that I'm not alone. It's like the fog around me will never be lifted.

Aaron