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Mom's birthday today


katmaii

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Hello and hugs to all here. It has been almost a year since Mom passed suddenly and today is her birthday. I feel the grief fresh today. I had planned to be in Las Vegas with her today celebrating her birthday. Instead I am at work trying to pretend to everyone that I am ok and it is just another day. I have so many memories that have come flooding back. I was thinking about how whenever my mom was faced with adversity she always bought herself a little something as a "pick me up". She always told me I needed to do that too so today I am getting myself a small piece of memory jewelry for her. The absence is still so hard to deal with. I am crying as I write this....is this normal to still grieve for you mom after almost a year? I am better than I was ...the fog has mostly lifted and I can laugh and enjoy my kids and husband. It is just the birthday that is hard. And her death date...2/25 is coming up. February is a hard month. My husband keeps trying to cheer me up which makes things worse but I know he loves me. I feel like I want to be alone all day and write letters to her and talk to her. She was my rock. She loved me fiercely and would move heaven and earth to help me and be there for me. We had so much fun together and I have so many precious memories, but I can't believe it is all over. Done. There is no future to plan with her.

One thing I remember her telling me is that when her mother (my grandma) died she felt angry at her for leaving her alone on the Earth. Even though she knew it was irrational, she still felt abandoned. I so understand that...I feel like I have been left alone on the earth without my mom to help me. I ask her for a a sign that she is with me but I don't think I am on the right frequency or something. i don't have dreams of her coming to me or hugging me or anything like that. i so wish I did...it would be a comfort.

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I lost my daughter in July and I do relate to the awful feeling of losing someone you love. Each month it is easy to be reminded of her death date and be saddened by it. However I don't feel like I don't have a future with her. My faith helps me believe that she is in a better place, and I just haven't gotten my ticket to go there yet. I will see Hannah again someday.

It really blesses my heart when you relate the close relationship you had with your mom. You have so many good memories, and she has given you the ability to make those kinds of good memories for your own children. You surely are blessed for having had her in your life. I know that nothing I can say can take away the feeling of loss you must feel, but I want you to know that my heart goes out to you and you aren't alone when it comes to the experience of grief. Hope is a good thing, even better than having those dreams you are wishing you could have. Knowing my daughter is happy and wouldn't want to come back helps me to accept her death. I really wouldn't want her to come back in a world where she had so much pain if it means she would have to suffer. I should be happy for her, she got a promotion and has graduated to a better position. She had to move to take the promotion and reap all the benefits from it. I hated to see her move away, but I am happy for the joy that I believe she is experiencing now.

Please forgive me if anything I said offends you in anyway. This is how I deal with the horrible loss of losing my daughter and thought I would share it with you.

I pray that you are able to have a great day despite the reminders that must be bittersweet for you.

Hello and hugs to all here. It has been almost a year since Mom passed suddenly and today is her birthday. I feel the grief fresh today. I had planned to be in Las Vegas with her today celebrating her birthday. Instead I am at work trying to pretend to everyone that I am ok and it is just another day. I have so many memories that have come flooding back. I was thinking about how whenever my mom was faced with adversity she always bought herself a little something as a "pick me up". She always told me I needed to do that too so today I am getting myself a small piece of memory jewelry for her. The absence is still so hard to deal with. I am crying as I write this....is this normal to still grieve for you mom after almost a year? I am better than I was ...the fog has mostly lifted and I can laugh and enjoy my kids and husband. It is just the birthday that is hard. And her death date...2/25 is coming up. February is a hard month. My husband keeps trying to cheer me up which makes things worse but I know he loves me. I feel like I want to be alone all day and write letters to her and talk to her. She was my rock. She loved me fiercely and would move heaven and earth to help me and be there for me. We had so much fun together and I have so many precious memories, but I can't believe it is all over. Done. There is no future to plan with her.

One thing I remember her telling me is that when her mother (my grandma) died she felt angry at her for leaving her alone on the Earth. Even though she knew it was irrational, she still felt abandoned. I so understand that...I feel like I have been left alone on the earth without my mom to help me. I ask her for a a sign that she is with me but I don't think I am on the right frequency or something. i don't have dreams of her coming to me or hugging me or anything like that. i so wish I did...it would be a comfort.

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Thank you for your kind words HeyDaddy. I read the story of the dream you had of your daughter and it touched my heart. I'm so sorry you have to endure this. I loved what you said about a "promotion" and moving to be promoted. My Mom moved to Las Vegas several years ago and I was so happy for her, even though I wouldn't see her as much. I knew that she was a high energy personality and loved a "24 hour city". She had so much fun with her friends there. And she loved it when I would come to visit.. We would go shopping, eating out, hit the casinos, go to shows and visit friends. When I got married my husband and I went out to Vegas so that we could all three experience it together. What a fantastic day that was.

I know I should be focusing on my great memories and gratitude but all I can still think of is what I lost and how the good times together are over now.

I hope you are right that we will see them again. Sometimes in my life I have had such strong faith and just believed to my core that she was in a better place and I would be there too someday with her and my dad and my grandparents.

One thing that comforts me is that I know she would tell me that life is short and to go out and enjoy everything I could before it was over.

I try to do random acts of kindness in her memory. Little things to keep her alive somehow. I think she would like that.

(((( hugs )))) thank you for bravely sharing your heart.

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Hi Susan. I can only imagine how difficult your mother's birthday was and how hard the next few weeks will be for you. My mother passed away suddenly right before Christmas. Two days earlier, my ex-mother-in-law passed away after a long illness. It was and still is a very difficult time for my adult children and the rest of the families. Their obituaries appeared side by side in our local paper. My brother in law put it well, two women bounded together in life for 30 years are bounded together forever now.

What caught my eye about your post was that you are waiting for a sign from your mother that she is with you. I am also waiting for a sign. Yesterday was the first time I touched her urn and again asked for a sign. I think that when I get that sign I will find peace. At least that is what I am hoping for. I have had 2 dreams about my mom. Both times she suddenly disappeared in them. The first one I told her she was suppose to be dead, and she replied in her usual fashion "do I look dead?" And she did. The second one I was telling her about the problems with her estate and she just disappeared. The dreams didnt bring me any comfort.

I am dreading every holiday, especially mother's day, every birthday. I wish I could just have a good cry, but I cant. The tears flow but the sobs are still stuck in my throat. I go through this every night after dinner when I have some alone time. I miss her so much and I hope she knows how much I loved her. I also feel so lost. My parents divorced when I was very young so I grew up not knowing my dad as we moved to the other side of the country. Now I feel like an orphan. I do have a brother and sister who I am close to but it was my mom that kept us all together.

Just know you are not alone in the way you are feeling. And from the people I have talked to who have experienced a loss of a parent, the feeling is always there, it just gets easier to deal with I guess.

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Hi Susan: Hope your feeling a little better. You know i was out in Calif doing my B.A. and brought my mom out there before she passed. I miss her so much been crying the past couple of days. You know whats funny is when something goes wrong you think of them . its a funny thing, and birthdays etc. Your mother brought you into the world so there is something tender and loving about them.

Anyway wishing you peace and comfort. I brought my mom to Vegas and Reno when i was out west. Now i am stuck in NJ for the next 6 months or so.

Many blessings to you.

Debbie

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