My Son

[mrsduc]

My son was 32 and half when he killed himself a month ago. From the moment he was born I would look at him and sing to him you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Well my sunshine is gone now and my heart will not shine with him gone. He was the most kindest loving human being I had ever met. I feel so honored that God let me be his mother. He had such a sense of humor. And his laugh could brighten up a dark day. But his biggest problem was he had no confidence in himself. He was so talented as a makeup artist and stage and making clothes. But he just didn't feel he had what it would take to make it so he just gave up. Robert was not only my son, but we were best friends. I knew things weren't right but he kept telling me that not to worry that everything would be fine and I was to stop worrying. And living on two different coast I had to believe him because he had never lied to me his whole life. We had a great relationship. I just am so sorry that my love could not save him from himself and the demans that were inside his head that other family members caused. He always thought that he was born that way, but I knew that was not true. he wanted his brain given to science so no other child could ever live daily with the pain that he has had to live with for so long. To me that is so sweet that in his pain he was thinking of someone else. But he could never think of himself. i miss him so much and I just am barely getting by. I want him back but only if he could come back and not be in this family that caused all his pain and only if he could come back with no pain. And since I know that that is not happening, then I want to believe that he is finally at peace. And I hope that God has him and forgiving him for killing himself. For I think that God knew my son. And I believe that it must of been my sons time to leave this earth because if it wasn't his time then he would not of succeeded in killing himself. But it still does not stop me from hurting knowing I will never talk to him again or here his laugh. Pictures are great but not the real thing. Pictures and videos can't hug you.

[Maddy6]

Mrsduc,I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. It is obvious your son cared a great deal for you and you had a wonderful relationship. I know you are in pain from missing him so much and losing him. Your son sounds like he was a very kind and compassionate man. All of us on this site have endured the same tragic heartache of the loss of our beloved children. We understand the deep pain you are feeling. We sympathize with your loss. Please post in the thread "loss of adult child." it is the most active thread and others will see your post and reach out. You will also see others that you can relate to. I have found by connecting with others on this site,I have finally begun a healing journey. Please be kind to yourself mrsduc and please stay on this site. It is going to take time for you to heal and connecting with others will help. Again, I am so very, very sorry for the hurt and pain, and losing your beloved son. Please know that we care and are concerned for you.Maddy

[robyn]

My son was 32 and half when he killed himself a month ago. From the moment he was born I would look at him and sing to him you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Well my sunshine is gone now and my heart will not shine with him gone. He was the most kindest loving human being I had ever met. I feel so honored that God let me be his mother. He had such a sense of humor. And his laugh could brighten up a dark day. But his biggest problem was he had no confidence in himself. He was so talented as a makeup artist and stage and making clothes. But he just didn't feel he had what it would take to make it so he just gave up. Robert was not only my son, but we were best friends. I knew things weren't right but he kept telling me that not to worry that everything would be fine and I was to stop worrying. And living on two different coast I had to believe him because he had never lied to me his whole life. We had a great relationship. I just am so sorry that my love could not save him from himself and the demans that were inside his head that other family members caused. He always thought that he was born that way, but I knew that was not true. he wanted his brain given to science so no other child could ever live daily with the pain that he has had to live with for so long. To me that is so sweet that in his pain he was thinking of someone else. But he could never think of himself. i miss him so much and I just am barely getting by. I want him back but only if he could come back and not be in this family that caused all his pain and only if he could come back with no pain. And since I know that that is not happening, then I want to believe that he is finally at peace. And I hope that God has him and forgiving him for killing himself. For I think that God knew my son. And I believe that it must of been my sons time to leave this earth because if it wasn't his time then he would not of succeeded in killing himself. But it still does not stop me from hurting knowing I will never talk to him again or here his laugh. Pictures are great but not the real thing. Pictures and videos can't hug you.

mrsduc,

I know that some religions hold suicide to be a "mortal sin", however, I believe what Christ says, not a religion. John 10: 27-30 says, "My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; NO ONE CAN SNATCH THEM OUT OF MY HAND. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of My Father's hand. I and the Father are one." Christ promised that those who knew Him would have eternal life, so I truly believe that you can know that, as well. Darling, only God knows our hearts, but you knew your son, too. He sounds like a great guy. You will see him again.

When He took my daughter home, I raged at Him. I demanded to know WHAT were You THINKING? WHY did You DO this? He has forgiven me for that and wrapped me in His mercy and love and given me a tremendous peace. I know, with absolute assurance, that I will see her again and that we will never be separated ever again. This world is going to beat you up, leave you in pain and disappoint you, but He never will.

Dearest, the hurt is going to happen, the sorrow is going to happen, and the tears and the anger. But the day WILL come when you remember your precious son and smile at the memories and the joy he left you with.

2 months, 2 weeks, 6 days