Lost my mom almost 9 months ago

[NikkiB]

So I guess its better late than ever to come and join a support group. I have read a few of the submissions on here and I have to say that they made me feel better. Let me tell you my story. Last year (2011) was a terrible year for me and my husband. He had lost his grandfather who was like a father to him and his grandmother that he barely knew. We also lost my mom. My mom had been having some lung issues for about a month or so before she died. In fact this all started the day after we celebrated my 2 daughters birthdays on April 8. The next day I got a phone call from my little brother telling me that my mom was in the hospital. He said that she would be ok but that they doctors were trying to figure out why she was having such a hard time breathing. Well it turned out that she had a cluster of blood clots in her lungs. She had been in and out of the hospital for a month before they found this out.

On Mother's Day I went to visit my mom in the ICU of the hospital and she looked amazing. Better than she had in a month. She looked like herself again. She told me that she was going to go home on Wednesday and that she wanted to take the girls to get manicures that Saturday. I told her that would be fine. When I left the hospital I told her I loved her and that I would see her later. Well she went home on the day that she had planned. Then then that Thursday she was back in the hospital saying that she couldn't see anything but my dad's eyes. So he rushed her back. Everyone told me that she would be ok and that I shouldn't come home. (I lived 45 minutes away) The following day she had passed out in the bathroom of her hospital room and had pulled on the emergency cord as she went down. The nurse rushed in and took her back to her bed. They couldn't get her to wake up. They had called my dad and little brother to come to the hospital because they needed then to sign some papers so the could life flight her to a trauma level hospital. My little brother signed the papers and Dad took off to the trauma hospital.

Whenever they laid Mom down to int-abate her heart would stop. So they would sit her up and her heart would start again. My little brother was in the room while they did this holding her hand. He called me and told me what was happening and I said that I would meet them at the hospital. Anyway they tried again to int-abate and they couldn't keep her heart beating while she was laying down. So they started chest compressions and even got out the paddles. Once my brother saw them do the chest compressions he left the room. He said that it was really hard to see them "pounding" on Mom like that.

45 minutes after the first phone call from my little brother he called me and told me that Mom was gone. It was May 13th and a Friday. I told him that if this was joke it wasn't a very good one. He said it wasn't a joke and that in fact Mom was gone. I told him I would be there in a few minutes. My husband was standing right in front of me when I hung up my phone and he wrapped his arms around and all I could say was, "Not my mom." and "I have to go home". My husband then got on the phone with his closest friend and asked if he could watch our 3 kids while he took me to the hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital I walked into the room where my mom had died and she looked awful. She didn't look like she was sleeping. In fact she didn't look at peace yet. She had a tube in her mouth and all I wanted to do was tear it out and throw it on the floor. My dad was crying and all I could do to help him was to wrap my arms around him and hold my tears back.

About ten minutes later my older brother showed up and that was when Mom looked at peace.

To make a long story short, when it was time to leave I didn't want to. I sat next to my mom brushing her hair and holding her hand. My sister in law and my older brother had to pick me up and say that I had to leave. I was only 26 when she died. Although it has been almost 9 months it feels as though I lost her yesterday and I am in horrible dream.

[Bridelyn]

So I guess its better late than ever to come and join a support group. I have read a few of the submissions on here and I have to say that they made me feel better. Let me tell you my story. Last year (2011) was a terrible year for me and my husband. He had lost his grandfather who was like a father to him and his grandmother that he barely knew. We also lost my mom. My mom had been having some lung issues for about a month or so before she died. In fact this all started the day after we celebrated my 2 daughters birthdays on April 8. The next day I got a phone call from my little brother telling me that my mom was in the hospital. He said that she would be ok but that they doctors were trying to figure out why she was having such a hard time breathing. Well it turned out that she had a cluster of blood clots in her lungs. She had been in and out of the hospital for a month before they found this out.

On Mother's Day I went to visit my mom in the ICU of the hospital and she looked amazing. Better than she had in a month. She looked like herself again. She told me that she was going to go home on Wednesday and that she wanted to take the girls to get manicures that Saturday. I told her that would be fine. When I left the hospital I told her I loved her and that I would see her later. Well she went home on the day that she had planned. Then then that Thursday she was back in the hospital saying that she couldn't see anything but my dad's eyes. So he rushed her back. Everyone told me that she would be ok and that I shouldn't come home. (I lived 45 minutes away) The following day she had passed out in the bathroom of her hospital room and had pulled on the emergency cord as she went down. The nurse rushed in and took her back to her bed. They couldn't get her to wake up. They had called my dad and little brother to come to the hospital because they needed then to sign some papers so the could life flight her to a trauma level hospital. My little brother signed the papers and Dad took off to the trauma hospital.

Whenever they laid Mom down to int-abate her heart would stop. So they would sit her up and her heart would start again. My little brother was in the room while they did this holding her hand. He called me and told me what was happening and I said that I would meet them at the hospital. Anyway they tried again to int-abate and they couldn't keep her heart beating while she was laying down. So they started chest compressions and even got out the paddles. Once my brother saw them do the chest compressions he left the room. He said that it was really hard to see them "pounding" on Mom like that.

45 minutes after the first phone call from my little brother he called me and told me that Mom was gone. It was May 13th and a Friday. I told him that if this was joke it wasn't a very good one. He said it wasn't a joke and that in fact Mom was gone. I told him I would be there in a few minutes. My husband was standing right in front of me when I hung up my phone and he wrapped his arms around and all I could say was, "Not my mom." and "I have to go home". My husband then got on the phone with his closest friend and asked if he could watch our 3 kids while he took me to the hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital I walked into the room where my mom had died and she looked awful. She didn't look like she was sleeping. In fact she didn't look at peace yet. She had a tube in her mouth and all I wanted to do was tear it out and throw it on the floor. My dad was crying and all I could do to help him was to wrap my arms around him and hold my tears back.

About ten minutes later my older brother showed up and that was when Mom looked at peace.

To make a long story short, when it was time to leave I didn't want to. I sat next to my mom brushing her hair and holding her hand. My sister in law and my older brother had to pick me up and say that I had to leave. I was only 26 when she died. Although it has been almost 9 months it feels as though I lost her yesterday and I am in horrible dream.

So sorry for your loss Nikki. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom right before Christmas and it was horrible. My mom lived with me and my son for the last 14 years. The day before she passed away I was sick with the flu. I was up most of the night going to the washroom or downstairs to watch tv and sleep on the couch. I saw her light was on but didnt think anything of it really. The next morning she asked for some water. I knew she wasnt feeling well either. Then she told me that she thought she had dislocated her hip. She had a replacement in the summer. So we called an ambulance. Two minutes after they arrived she was non responsive. I thought she had passed out from the pain. I went downstairs to get out of their way, but my son stayed. They kept calling her name. My son came downstairs to bring her cat who didnt want to leave her side. Shortly afterward we could hear them doing chest compressions. Someone ran down to us and asked if she had a Do Not Resuscitate Order. There were 2 ambulances, a fire truck, 2 rescue trucks and police car there. People kept running in and out. Finally they told us that they had got her heart going again but she had been without oxygen for 4 minutes and that was not good. They took her to the hospital but she was gone by the time we got there. The whole experience is so vivid to me and I think it always will be. I think I am still in shock a bit. Sometimes it feels as if my mom is just away visiting my sister and I have to remind myself that she is gone for good. They only positive thing during this whole time was my mom's service. It was perfect, from the music we picked out to the weather. The sun came out on our way to the service and began to rain lightly when we left. Listening to the music that was played does bring me some peace. Each song had a meaning and was very uplifting.

I think what you are feeling is very normal. As the time goes on for me it still feels like yesterday. I have been thinking lately that I need to do something to honour my mom, but I am not really sure what to do. I thought that maybe that would help with the healing process.

[NikkiB]

Bridelyn, thank you so much for telling me your story. We had the life flight crew, 2 doctors, and 4 nurses working on Mom. It was and is very hard. Mom's service was wonderful and thankfully I got to be part of it. I got to tell her life story. It was nice talk about how her and my dad met and the feeling that they had when each of their children came into the world. That gave me some closure and some peace. Her grave side was pretty funny though and she would of laughed. We had bag pipes and the first dong that they played was a song that Mom hated and it snowed. It was just her sense of humor.

I find it odd though that I feel as though she is still here. I don't really like feeling like that. I know that she's gone but I still find myself wanting to call her.

[Bridelyn]

i find myself thinking "I got to tell Gram" or "I will have to ask Gram". We all called her Gram because she was everyone's grandma. Friends from my teenage years still call her Gram. I also feel as if she is here. And I think I will always feel that way. I like to think she is watching me now. I don't know if that is what happens when you die. My mom's cat used to avoid my son. It would walk the long way around just so he didn't have to go near my son. My son would always pick it up and it didnt like to be cuddled. Last night I went into my son's room and hes lying on the bed and my moms cat is laying on the bed with him. I had to laugh just knowing what my mom must be thinking now.

I don't know if anyone else did this, but my mom was cremated and I brought the urn home with me. I needed it here because I needed the comfort of knowing she was near. I watch our favorite TV shows with her still. Thankfully there wasn't an issue with the rest of the family about who would get the urn. Is this creepy or weird or unhealthy?

[NikkiB]

I don't think that's creepy, weird, or unhealthy. I think that its your way of healing. I actually have like a journal that I write in just to tell my mom about my day and what's going on with my kids. In fact last night my 2 year old son was very upset and didn't want to go to sleep. I got a picture of my mom and gave it to him. He and my mom were really close and she would take him every weekend. Anyway I asked him where Nana was, since that's what he called her, and pointed right at her. In 5 minutes he was asleep with the picture in his arms. I know that my mom watches over us and is now the BEST guardian angel me and my family could ever have. I think that's same for you. You and your son now have the BEST guardian angel you could ever have. And extra bonus you get to have her right there with you. I have to drive 45 minutes to see my mom. But trust me its worth it.

[Bridelyn]

funny thing about my moms urn. i havent touched it once. i keep thinking i should go hold it but havent. i had a dream about her last night. i was telling her about the problems with her estate. she never responded. then suddenly she was gone. and i was upset that i couldnt see her any more but others could. i like the idea about a journal. i think i might start doing that too. i think that is a good way to heal. after she died i asked my mom to give me a sign that she is okay but i havent got one yet. so i am waiting. i know one will come and finally i will feel some kind of peace. i am not so worry about her because other people have felt her presence and know shes okay. maybe i am not ready for it yet, i dont know.