I lost my 32 year old son

[mrsduc]

I lost my son Robert who lived in CA and I live MD. He moved out there 3 years ago. But we spoke on the phone atleast 3 to 5 times a day. We were that close. My son had spoken with me this summer about wanting to die and I told him to seek help and told him how it would effect me and how much I loved him everytime I spoke to him. But that was our way from the moment he was born. I went out to CA in Sept. and it seemed to help him but then he just started going down hill and started shooting up. I told him I was afraid he was going to die and he told me don't worry mom this is for a very short time. Which it was. They found him two weeks after he died in his apartment dead. I just came back from CA to clean his apartment out with the help of acouple of his friends. We happen to turn on his computer and Robert had it so when you turned it on his recording he made would start. We found out that he had planned and killed himself. I just wish my love could of help to save him. I wish I could know what to do. I wish I could stop crying for one day. People tell me it will get better, but these people have no kids. It is hard to believe. Please anyone who has lost a child help me.

[Dru]

I lost my son Robert who lived in CA and I live MD. He moved out there 3 years ago. But we spoke on the phone atleast 3 to 5 times a day. We were that close. My son had spoken with me this summer about wanting to die and I told him to seek help and told him how it would effect me and how much I loved him everytime I spoke to him. But that was our way from the moment he was born. I went out to CA in Sept. and it seemed to help him but then he just started going down hill and started shooting up. I told him I was afraid he was going to die and he told me don't worry mom this is for a very short time. Which it was. They found him two weeks after he died in his apartment dead. I just came back from CA to clean his apartment out with the help of acouple of his friends. We happen to turn on his computer and Robert had it so when you turned it on his recording he made would start. We found out that he had planned and killed himself. I just wish my love could of help to save him. I wish I could know what to do. I wish I could stop crying for one day. People tell me it will get better, but these people have no kids. It is hard to believe. Please anyone who has lost a child help me.

Hi mrsduc, I am feeling for you, and understand your pain. It has been 59 weeks and 6 days for me and I am in never ending pain that is so debilitating it is hard to go on. But we do go on, somehow. One minute, one hour at a time, this is only as far ahead as I can go and that is with difficulty. I look at a picture of my Broni and know that she would want me to go on, this I know in my shattered heart so I will honour that, for her. mrsduc I am so sorry that I cannot help you, but want you to know that I am there with you and understand and you are not alone. People tell me that time will heal, but how can that happen when our loved child has been taken from our physical lives, where we can no longer hold them, tell them how much we love them. I read a saying somewhere that explains it better, for me anyway, "Time does not heal the wound any more than it can grow a new leg - it just teaches us how to walk without one." And that is all we can do, learn to walk without our loved one on the physical level, for our loved ones sake if not for any other reason. Words - they are so easy to write but to follow thru is not so easy. We all battle along in our own way in this new life of ours, some things help some but not others but I do know that having somewhere like this sit to come to does help, being with others that "know". I believe our life paths are already decided and that they play out how they need to. My daughters death confirms that for me as well, She had Swine Flu and twice in the 16 days before Broni died, she actually almost died, and she passed those hurdles, only to die from a massive brain hemorrige at the end when we thought she was going to survive, it was like it was never on the cards for my Bron to come home Mrsduc, your beautiful love gave your son every thing he needed for his life here in this lifetime, without it it would have been so much harder for him. You were there for him 3 to 5 times a day on the phone, just think if you had not been there on the other end of the line for him, with words of love, how he would not have had that special warmth and connection from you, his loving mom. Your Robert knew you loved him, and you were the best mom for your son, please remember that. Take care, Dru

[hotrod]

Dear Linda

I am so very sorry for the dreadful loss of your precious son I saw the lovely picture that you posted in your profile. He certainly is a very handsome young man. I know how painful this road can be as I lost my only child, Stephen 4 years ago. Finding this gentle community helped to restore me to sanity.

It will get softer, and the pain will be reduced I find I will never be the same. I will always love and miss my son and hold him gently in my heart Please keep coming here and sharing it helps

Visit the gallery section and set up an album It all helps to keep connected.

Join us on the Loss of Adult Child Board and you will connect with a beautiful group of parents who truly understand

[Maddy6]

Linda,I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. I know from experience that no words can remove, or even soften the deep, dark pain within. I lost my daughter 4 years ago and only recently found this site. However, it has helped me in my healing by finding others who knew my pain. Your relationship with your son sounded very special. He was blessed to have such a loving mom like you and I am sure he knew it. My daughter died from drugs. Please continue to come back to this site. You will find others who will listen, comfort, and understand. My thoughts and prayers are with you.Maddy