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I lost my nephew a month ago


naconab

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My nephew Brayden was only three years old and he tragically and suddenly lost his life on new years eve. An older model tv fell off his dresser and landed on top of him. I dont know how to deal with this and I dont feel comfortable talking to anyone in my family at the moment about it and dont know how to go about talking to a counselor. That little boy was my world and it still doesnt feel like hes gone. All I want to do is hold him one more time and tell him how much I love him. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

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The loss of a child, especially one so young and helpless, leaves us shattered. Shock, pain, disbelief, sorrow, and longing become woven into every cell of our being. This is such a difficult journey, and there are no easy answers. There is no way around grief....the only way is to go through it, and allow yourself to experience it. I am not sure where you live, but there is a large support group that has helped many people. It's called The Compassionate Friends. They have a website that can locate a group in or near your area. It helps to connect with others who understand the pain and different emotions you experience during this grieving process. Many have sought the help of counselors. It works for some, and for others, it doesn't. You can continue to post here. There are many who will reach out to you and offer support, understanding and encouragement. It sounds as if you were very close to your little nephew. Did you live in the home with him? Please tell us about him and his sweet spirit. You can also post a picture, if you are comfortable doing that. ( I recently heard on the news about a young child being killed in the same manner. Can't remember if it was in my area, or I was watching news for another area. I felt terrible for that family. ) We'll never understand "why" these terrible things happen....it just doesn't make sense. I am so sorry that you and your family have lost Brayden. Prayers for you and your family.

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Hi Nacona,

My daughter died in July and I have really been struggling with accepting her loss. The hardest thing that I have had to accept is the fact that it isn't my fault. I made many mistakes in the 29 years that we had her with us, but they were all made out of ignorance. If I could have known some things to do that would have kept my daughter from dying I would have done them. Much of my day is spent talking to myself about the reality of what has happened, and reminding myself that I am not God. I remind myself of the love I have for my daughter, and that helps me to accept that it isn't my fault. Reminding myself of my love for my daughter gives me the ability to forgive myself for any mistakes that I may have made. All the self talk, and talking to her even though I know she can't hear me, somehow helps ease the pain of what has happened. I'm doing that now with this reply to you, and reminding me that the grieving I am still doing is a good and natural part of what everyone goes through when they lose someone they love.

I'm not sure whats going on in your mind, but if you are trying to tell yourself that you could have done something to keep it from happening it isn't fair to you. I can tell by the hurt you have shown in your post that you loved your nephew and would have done anything to keep it from happening if you had known what to do. Time helps to ease the pain and bring acceptance. I will always miss my daughter and my love for her will never die. I'm sure it will be the same for you. Given time the pain of losing them will ease some, but there will never be an end to our love.

My nephew Brayden was only three years old and he tragically and suddenly lost his life on new years eve. An older model tv fell off his dresser and landed on top of him. I dont know how to deal with this and I dont feel comfortable talking to anyone in my family at the moment about it and dont know how to go about talking to a counselor. That little boy was my world and it still doesnt feel like hes gone. All I want to do is hold him one more time and tell him how much I love him. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Nacona, Please join us on the forum "Loss of an Adult Child". the list is very active, and has parents and loved ones of children of all ages. I lost my 15 year old son on October 3rd, 2011 hit from behind by an inattentive driver less 1/4 mile from our driveway. The list has been very helpful to me to express what I am feeling without judgement, and interaction with people who know what this loss feels like on a daily basis. Please repost there. God bless you, I know that has to be so hard as he was so very young and innocent. Please come and tell us about that sweet baby...

My nephew Brayden was only three years old and he tragically and suddenly lost his life on new years eve. An older model tv fell off his dresser and landed on top of him. I dont know how to deal with this and I dont feel comfortable talking to anyone in my family at the moment about it and dont know how to go about talking to a counselor. That little boy was my world and it still doesnt feel like hes gone. All I want to do is hold him one more time and tell him how much I love him. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

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Kenn, Keep talking to your daughter. I do believe our loved ones can and do hear us. I also believe they give us a little peace when the hurt is so bad by giving us a thought or memory that reminds us of our love for them.

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Nacona - I'm so sorry for the loss of your nephew, Brayden! I'm so glad you found this site. As Susan said, please join us on the thread, "Loss of an adult child". Your loss doesn't have to be an adult child, our losses vary. The one thing we have in common is that we are all on this grief journey - together. You don't have to walk alone with your sorrow anymore. Oh, dear sweet Aunt Nacona...bless your broken heart. Life will never be the same for your family - especially his mother...but, you can survive - it will be difficult, but possible. I lost my 28 yr old daughter, Stephanie, in an ATV accident on 8-9-09. But, I also know the pain of losing not one, but two, nephews. My two yr old nephew, Davey, drowned (with his father) in 1972. I was just 14 yrs old. All these years later and I can still see that blond haired, blue eyed, little boy running into my arms. He was my first true love. I loved him as fiercly as any 14 yr old Auntie could. His brother, James, was just a couple of weeks old when he drowned. James killed himself when he was 18yrs old - October 1, 1991. I could not deal with his death and went into a tailspin of destruction that lasted about 12yrs. There are times I still cry when thinking about him.

I, too, didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about my grief. I felt like the grief solely belonged to my sister and that by me reaching out for help I was somehow taking away from her. It was truly a horrible time in my life. I tried to hide my pain in a bottle of booze. When I sobered up I found grief waiting, patiently. Twelve years after his death I had to walk through grief as if it had just happened. I was able to use that experience when my daughter died. All I knew to do when Stephanie died was to not do what I did when James died.

Please come to "Loss of an adult child" and tell us all about your nephew. It is a more active thread and you will be welcomed with open arms...sad that you have reason to be here at all, but completely accepting.

Best wishes to you! Susannah/Stephanie's mom (and Davey and James' aunt)

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