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My Sis


courage47

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Hi... Four months ago I lost my hero,my friend,my kindred spirit...my soul. I thought by now I would be better but I'm not. So thought I would reach out and find others and how they deal with it. I have never felt so lost,except when my dad died....yet this is very different. I go to the phone to call her and it hits me. I see something I want to share with her or buy her.....I have her last 7 messages on my phone, I can't erase them....I keep waiting to hear her voice,her laugh. She was such a awesome woman, a great artist, a angel to so,so many. Just simply cannot figure out what to do....I really don't know IF I have accepted her death, how can you tell.? I curl up to her pillow,and if I wake at night and the pillow has moved....I panic,seriously. She died with me holding her face in my hands,kissing her face,begging her not to go,although I knew she had to....What do I do? Thnx

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Hi - I lost my 16 year old daughter 4 months ago.....September 20, 2011. She was killed in a car accident. Four months often seems like an eternity, and yet it is such a short time for us to be on this new journey. Initially there is shock and disbelief where it seems so unreal, so impossible. Then, as time goes on, that protective layer of shock begins to slowly peel away. I think it begins happening between the 4 to 7 month mark. It's then that the full reality of what we have lost begins to move from our logical understanding to our hearts. When this knowledge begins penetrating our hearts, it is so very painful....worse than anything we could have imagined it would be. Grief is so very complex and individual. It's different for each person, and yet it is the same in its brutality and unrelenting nature. I have another daughter, and she misses her baby sister terribly. Siblings are the witnesses to our lives, and the connection to them is strong and unbreakable. Learning to live in this "new normal", to function is this life we did not want, and to walk toward a future that we resist is very challenging. Sometimes it seems like she is just away visiting someone or on an extended trip somewhere, and any day she will be back home where she belongs. We are tossed around helplessly between so many warring emotions: shock, disbelief, bargaining, anger, guilt, pain, longing, desperation, anxiety. Depression and lack of motivation set in. We struggle to find answers to questions that do not have answers in this lifetime: "WHY?", "What if", "If only"....it goes on and on unceasingly. Our ability to concentrate and our memory are greatly effected. We have mood swings.....every cell in our body seems to scream with longing for the one we are separated from.....it hurts like hell. I've read a lot about grieving. This has helped me understand the emotions I am experiencing, and had also help me establish a realistic time line....it's helped me understand that it will take a few years before I have found my footing and a way to live in this new normal. Between reading and connecting with others who share my experience and heartache, I have learned that it's okay to not be okay.....I feel that I am crazy, but really I'm just responding normally to an unimaginable reality. There are online support groups, but also local support groups that can help us connect with others on this journey. The Compassionate Friends has support groups which meet monthly, and they offer a support group specifically for siblings. Many people choose at some point to get involved with humanitarian type causes.....it seems focusing our energy on helping others often helps us heal in the process. Many seek professional counseling....I have, and it does seem to offer some help to me. Prayers for you as you find your way on this dark path.

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